Archive

Catholics Gave Up Paying for Uber Eats for Lent

Posted 12:55am Sunday 11th April 2021 by The Critical Tribune

This year for Lent, Catholics gave up paying for UberEats after a mandate straight from the Pope.  “Stop giving your money to a greedy multi-national corporation for Lent,” said the Pope. “The Catholic church does not condone giving your money to an unethical company when Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:49am Sunday 11th April 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Just because you’re an air sign, doesn’t mean you can keep ghosting people. It’s time to face your commitment issues.  Houseplant of choice: Cobwebs    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 With midterms ramping up, there will be more Read more...

EDITORIAL: Harlene Certainly Left Her Mark on Otago

Posted 9:24pm Saturday 10th April 2021 by Erin Gourley

Harlene left Otago a few weeks ago, but that was too early in the year for Critic Te Arohi to have our shit together. We’re writing about her legacy now.  Her exit was quiet. There’s not a lot of fanfare about Vice-Chancellors, despite the impact they have. The University Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Nutcracker

Posted 6:18pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Critic

So, it was the week I lost my virginity.  Myself and my "special friend" at the time were engaging in rampant intercourse, learning the ropes, in more ways than one. Anyhow, during one of these sessions she is riding me particularly hard and a loud "crack" resonates Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 6:15pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Alice Taylor

For days when you truly can’t be fucked and existing beyond the bedroom seems like a tiresome feat, the only thing that helps is a bowl of carbohydrates coated in garlicky oil that takes minutes to make.   You could add vegetables if you like, but as my wise mother always says, Read more...

Eating Beef Good for the Environment, According to Beef Farmers

Posted 6:12pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

In what can only be described as a total rejection of science, NZ Beef and Lamb have started claiming that eating beef helps the planet. “Whenever you eat a nice juicy steak, you’re helping to rid the world of one methane-emitting cow,” said Ethan Methan, the PR spokesperson for Read more...

Local Bar Only Offers Jugs to Highlight Sustainability

Posted 6:11pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A local taproom has ditched pint glasses, citing a new-found emphasis on saving the planet as the reason.  “By only serving jugs,” explained the new manager, Beerface McGee, “we can save shit tonnes of water on washing, as well as reduce the amount of glass purchased by the Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 6:09pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Having a compost bin! A nice way to dispose of food, a nice way to attract worms to your property, and a nice surprise for your landlord at the end of your lease. Turtles. Save them xx Menstrual cups. The company that owns U by Kotex uses palm oil, which is certainly not something I Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:43pm Sunday 28th March 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Treat yourself to some self care this week. Maybe a quirky new outfit or different vape flavour. Go get 'em.   Vegan food to try: Vape juice   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It's time to stop creating steamy fantasies in your head Read more...

EDITORIAL: You need to get out of North Dunedin

Posted 9:22pm Friday 26th March 2021 by Erin Gourley

North Dunedin has you in its clutches and you haven’t seen a big tree in a month. That’s a problem. There’s a whole wide world of nice things in Dunedin out there, just waiting for you to discover it. I realise that you’re in the depths of first semester and you’re Read more...

Infant Reincarnated From Dead Breatha, Charged for His Student Loan

Posted 3:12pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A Dunedin baby, the world’s first scientifically confirmed reincarnation, has been sent a bill from StudyLink requesting repayment of her past self’s $70,000 student loan.  In a development that rocked the scientific community, the Otago Medical School confirmed that Katie Liu, Read more...

Optimistic Student Clicks ‘Going’ To Hyde Street Before Ticket Release

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Displaying optimism that borders on audacity, Jessica shocked her friends and the broader Dunedin community by clicking ‘Going’ to the Hyde Street Facebook event on the Tuesday that the party was announced.  “Unbelievable. It’s just rude,” said another hopeful Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Horn to My Hornette

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

It was just after lockdown. Me and my best mate hit Starters the night of our touch downs back in the capital of the South Island. We were chomping at the bit to meet some sexy sirs.  I looked up to the Starters DJ to see that he was (to be frank) fucking PEAK breather sexiness, exactly my Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 2:00pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

  Dear Critic, My friend had a bad experience with weed on her first or second go and now won’t try it again. Our friend group is always smoking and I want to include her but she refuses to try again. But her bad experience was like three years ago so surely she can give it another Read more...

Booze Reviews | Weed Tea

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Earl Green

Your path to enlightenment begins with a weed oil. To make it, you need three ounces to a cup of coconut oil. The secret ingredient, which you can get from a health food store, is a teaspoon of sunflower lanolin. The lanolin helps the fats in the oil bind to your stomach, because THC can upset your Read more...

Fuck I Can’t Cook!

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Alice Taylor

The bank account is looking marginal. The novelty of university has been corrupted with the arrival of assignment due dates. Washing is piling up, and you accidently put a black sock in your whites and turned everything a dull shade of grey. It’s that time of university, my friends, where we Read more...

Rate or Hate: Drugs Edition

Posted 1:44pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Sasha Freeman

  Rate Codeine. Have become very familiar with this bad boy this week and I cannot sing its praises loud enough. All u need is a cheeky broken shoulder and you’ll get the prescription in your hot little hands faster than you can say ‘get off me I think I have broken Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 21st March 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Flo and O are over, you should probably stop partying now and open a goddamn book. Your lecturers and liver will thank you for it.  Your high: Codeine   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Make sure you soak up the last week of your season baby. Get all the Read more...

EDITORIAL: Harm reduction isn’t only for middle-class white kids

Posted 11:27am Sunday 21st March 2021 by Erin Gourley

In case you didn’t notice everything about the magazine you’re holding, this week is our drugs issue. Critic is often criticised for being too pro-drug. And yes, we are 100% pro-drug. I don’t think anyone in our office would say “drugs should stay illegal and I hate Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Part 2: A Big Night

Posted 2:34pm Sunday 14th March 2021 by Critic

After a little convincing of his friend to vacate the one double bed we set to work. This time around we can get a little more adventurous.  He was slamming me from the back, pulling my hair and the icing on the cake was the ass slap that was so close to getting me to the edge. I would have Read more...