Archive

Science Tank | Cold Readers: The First Circle of Hell

Posted 1:00pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Anon

It was 2010 and my father had passed away earlier that year. My usual logic blinded by grief, I did what any standard mourner would do and booked an appointment to see a medium. Walking into her home-cum-spiritual lair, I immediately noticed the tacky abundance of quartz crystals (when will people Read more...

Smirnoff Ice Double Black Is the Perfect Drink for a Kids Birthday Party

Posted 12:56pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Smirnoff Ice Double Black is a drink for children, and adults who are still children at heart. It may technically be alcoholic, but as far as your taste buds would know, it’s just a kind of weird lemonade. ‘Scientists’ will tell you that the amount of guarana in these bad boys Read more...

Poetry Corner | (No Title)

Posted 12:52pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Darude

Rotate Jolting with the pivot  as a roiling boil bubbles your  bloodstream too little, a tepid time bomb or else, volcanically explosive coating your cell with the splatter of mincemeat all will be resolved at the next flat meeting “Do we need a Read more...

The Hell Hole | Things that disgust me

Posted 12:42pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Cats with hands, kelp with hands, mould with eyes. Unanswered emails. Your toenail on your sheets. Falling into a wood chipper. A greasy coffee cup. Peeling your veins with a potato peeler. Balloons filled with mustard gas. Mugs with chipped rims. Teeth made out of porcelain. Anything smaller than a Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | An Unwanted Breath of Fresh Air

Posted 12:36pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde Our property manager is showing people through our flat for next year, and, to make it easier for us all, is only doing this once a week on a Monday afternoon. This Monday, we came home to find that the backdoor was wide open. We know we left it locked and shut. The only Read more...

Lucky in Love | Peas & Carrots

Posted 12:30pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Peas “I wonder if this is two standards,” I thought, contemplating the Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | The Egyptian Pyramids

Posted 12:22pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

2.5/5 One of the biggest problems with Egyptian Pyramids is their distribution. Out of the 196 (suck it Xi) countries of the world, Egypt is the only country that has Egyptian pyramids. We need to fairly distribute those resources. We are the 99.489 percent. Of course one of the large popular Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (August 14-20)

Posted 12:19pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Critic

Harness your party hats. Inflate your balloons. Scatter the confetti. Get ready to celebrate like never before.   Monday 14 August – Gary Larson’s Birthday Nothing of importance is happening today, so I looked up famous peoples’ birthdays. Happy birthday, Read more...

David Clark | Snapchat

Posted 11:10am Sunday 13th August 2017 by David Clark

A major part of my role as a Member of Parliament is being able to have conversations with people across Dunedin North. Calls, emails and letters remain an important part of what I do – either calling or writing myself, or being on the receiving end. But changes in technology mean that I am Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 19

Posted 11:06am Sunday 13th August 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week a mysterious event has thrown the ODT office into even more confusion, suspicion and vibration than normal.  Spontaneous combustion is just a normal day at the ODT. Unfortunately the flames were a curious beige-khaki. And wet. The ODT doesn’t like being wet. It reminds Read more...

Editorial | Do some art

Posted 10:18am Sunday 13th August 2017 by Lucy Hunter

It’s Art Week. Here’s one of my favourite quotes: “If something is worth doing, it’s worth doing badly.” G. K. Chesterton said that. Before you say that explains Critic, let me elaborate. If you adhere to the better-known version of the quote, “if something is Read more...

Sage Advice | Sports

Posted 2:07pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.” - Michael Jordan   This question comes from a loyal reader: “To Sage Advice – we all know there are honourable and dishonourable acts in the world of sports. What are some of these, and how can we all become better human Read more...

Science Tank | Supervolcanoes

Posted 2:02pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

It was 75,000 years ago, and all was peaceful in the Sumatran jungle - birds were chirping and swishing through sunlight-dappled tree canopies, while insects chirruped busily on the jungle floor. Suddenly, a sonic boom pierced the air; rumbling shook the earth. All living things fell dead instantly Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Goon for $9.90

Posted 1:55pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Praise be the God of Alcoholics, we have been granted a gift from above. Meenan’s Wine & Spirits on Great King Street has come out with the deal of the year – nay, the deal of the decade. A succulent goon of red wine, containing 21 delectable standard drinks, for $9.90. That is not a Read more...

The Hell Hole | The Leader

Posted 1:47pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Jon A

Everyone was bright-eyed and engaged. The speaker, an older blonde-haired man in a suit, was standing at a decorated podium. His voice played over their heads from black, looming speakers. The crowd hung off his every word. Anna rolled her eyes. He was talking about being united, making the Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Counselling Denounced

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Student Support

Can anyone help me? I need some counselling but can’t get in to Student Health. I know my studies are being affected; I can’t concentrate properly anymore. Do you know if there are other ways to get in to see someone? Strained Student   Ethel and Hyde is brought to you Read more...

Lucky in Love | Bert & Ernie

Posted 1:34pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Bert First of all, I just want to lay it out straight, arriving 23 minutes late to a date is Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Breathing

Posted 12:51pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

3/5 When it comes to breathing I can not let my personal feelings (Personal Feelings: 3.5/5) get in the way of providing an objective review. I’ll make it very clear: I do not like breathing. I think it is pointless and repetitive and takes too much effort. However, I acknowledge that other Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (August 7-13)

Posted 12:46pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Critic

We’ve got a nice mellow week of special days - definitely a cause for celebration!   Monday 7 August – Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day How does it feel when you get approximately five chips in a packet puffed full of mainly air? What about when you purchase some Read more...

David Clark | Orokonui

Posted 11:42am Sunday 6th August 2017 by David Clark

Orokonui Ecosanctuary is a jewel in Dunedin’s crown. We have a wonderful natural landscape in the south and a proud history of preserving and promoting our wildlife and surroundings. Situated 20km north of the city, the fenced ecosanctuary celebrates New Zealanders’ birth-right as Read more...