Archive

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:07pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate: People putting a fuckton of rubbish on their lawns in protest of the Uni’s 1984 vibes. The Proctor can’t fine us all, or can he?? Getting breathas at the bar at pint night to choose my drink for me. Speights is NOT good and I don’t care that I’m from Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:03pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Learn to stand up for yourself, doormat. Good deed for the week: Picking up rubbish    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 In the coming week you’re going to catch feelings. Stop before you start.  Good deed for the week: Doing your Read more...

EDITORIAL: Let Scrumpy hands die

Posted 3:36pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Erin Gourley

There, there. It’s over now. You can relax. No more shall the threat of scrumpy hands plague these streets. No more shall students walk the streets in fear of the next red card where they will be forced to drink two bottles of the worst form of alcohol imaginable. Scrumpy hands is no more. Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Like a Chainsaw

Posted 4:21pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Critic

I had a lot of questions when I first came into the possession of some anal beads, courtesy of Critic for some prior raunchy content. I had delved into a bit of butt stuff before but nothing much more than a thumb up the bum or a weak and dissatisfying attempt at anal. This gift had my senses piqued Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate:  The theory that Epstein DIDN’T kill himself. That’s not even a conspiracy theory at this point it just simply was a cover up by rich American child sex traffickers. The JonBenét Ramsay theory: I am fairly certain that it was the brother and the parents covered it Read more...

Fuck, I’m Cold!

Posted 4:17pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Alice Taylor

Congratulations my friends, we have unofficially descended into Dunedin’s bone-chilling winter. As I struggle to come to terms with this reality, I have been comforting my soul with this Potato and Leek Soup. This recipe is perfect for those chilly days, and it won’t break the bank Read more...

Booze Reviews | Soju

Posted 4:14pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Chug Norris

Following in the footsteps of Marco Polo I embarked on a tasting of the Korean spirit soju. Originally brewed as a pure spirit, soju now comes in a range of fruit flavours. I selected three flavours from the Chateul Soorok brand for consideration. I’ll be honest I had never even heard of Soju Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 4:11pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Vape juice isn’t a substitute for serotonin.  Coping mechanism: Therapy  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Keep having low standards, it’s only up from here.  Coping mechanism: Maladaptive daydreaming   Aries Mar 21 - Apr Read more...

EDITORIAL: Please listen to me

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Erin Gourley

A few years ago it would have been weirD to create an entire issue about conspiracies. They weren’t that relevant. If you said conspiracies, people didn’t think of vaccines or 5G, they thought of JFK and the moon landing. It was a simpler time. These fun little conspiracies didn’t Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Wrong Kind of Bang

Posted 8:29pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic

This boy was very cute. French, got the curls, six foot tall, eight inches, the whole package. We were a few dates in by this point, feeling each other out but not quite feeling each other up yet. This bitch was getting horny. One Friday night we decided to get dressed up and go to town. We chatted, Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 8:27pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic

Dear Critic, I just hope he reads this. To the boy I slept with at Hyde: I have Chlamydia. I’m sorry. You had brown hair, a fade, and were wearing a vest and button-up combo as part of your Peaky Blinders fit. You were drinking Major Major. I think your name was James? I’m not sure. Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 8:25pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Critic

I am literally just saying songs I rate and hate and why. I am not capable of complex thought at this time x   Rate Cellophane by FKA Twigs. I really rate that song and its massive sad indie girl vibes. Slumber Party by Ashnikko ft. Princess Nokia. My flatmate and I learned the Read more...

Fuck, I Have Scurvy!

Posted 8:17pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Alice Taylor

Veggie Fajitas (to help you avoid scurvy) Though I am a passionate advocate for beige food, I am also passionately against scurvy, that terrible thing my mother threatened I would get if I didn’t eat my peas for dinner. If you feel like it is time to be kind to that beautiful body of yours, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Peronis: Living the High Life

Posted 8:08pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Chug Norris

Italians either succeed at something completely, or they fail at it miserably. Ferraris and World War II are some prime examples of these extremes. Peronis are something that they managed to get right. They are a perfect beer for demonstrating to your peers that you are sophisticated yet down to Read more...

Otago’s New Vice-Chancellor Revealed

Posted 8:01pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Following months of speculation, the Uni’s newest Vice-Chancellor has been named as AirFryer PROMAX-XL®. It is Otago’s first Vice-Chancellor of Chinese origin, the first to be a kitchen appliance, and the second soulless machine to hold the position.  The appointment was Read more...

Other Students Fascinated, Dazzled, and In a General State of Awe That You Know the DJ

Posted 7:59pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Students were overwhelmed with Fanzi Pance’s knowledge of local music when, last Saturday night, he proudly informed the people of Catacombs that he knew the DJ. “I’ve never met someone who knows a DJ before,” gushed Jessica, who had consumed two blueberry cruisers that Read more...

EDITORIAL: Tell the Uni where they can stick their rubbish fines

Posted 3:41pm Sunday 2nd May 2021 by Erin Gourley

Yeah, that’s right, I’m the Proctor and I will impose a daily fine on you if you don’t clean up the rubbish and broken glass outside your flat.  That’s what could happen if you don’t submit against the University’s proposed changes to the Code of Conduct. Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Yanking My Christmas Cracker

Posted 9:58pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic

It's December, 2020, and I'm finally back home for Christmas break. With everyone stuck in one small house again (parents, siblings, pets, neighbours coming round), it gets pretty suffocating and sexually frustrating pretty quick. Lucky for me, I have a lad on call with a car. So, Read more...

Dear Critic...

Posted 9:55pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic

Dear Critic, Last week I wrote in about a wasp’s nest and you suggested that you could soak it in petrol to get them to move out. Well, the tradies next door got the petrol out of the lawn mower and soaked it, but they ignited it, so now there's a smoldering wasp nest and a swarm of Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 9:53pm Monday 26th April 2021 by Critic

Rate Students who have never once made it to an 8am lecture getting up at 5.30 to start drinking. That’s on priorities.  Boys hitting hyde wearing Peaky Blinders costumes. To the people who reused your teletubby halloween costumes from 2016, step up your game x  The North D Read more...