Archive

Rate or Hate

Posted 8:12pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Olivia Rodrigo’s entire new album being about her shitbag ex. Favourite Crime hits very diff. Name and shame baby x J Lo getting back with her ex after almost my entire lifetime. Usually I would never encourage that but it’s actually quite a beautiful love story.  The Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 8:07pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Were you silent, or were you silenced? Tabloid scandal to revisit: Going to rehab    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You need an ego check. Tabloid scandal to revisit: The Crown killed Diana    Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Tis the Read more...

Local Produce: Hot Sauce Club

Posted 7:59pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Sean Gourley

Image credit: Rosa Nevison Hot Sauce Club are a recent band on the Dunedin scene. They’ve taken Dunedin by storm with a continuous series of gigs since their venue debut at Starters. Their Spotify is still in the pipes at the moment but check out their Insta @hotsauceclub. The band consists Read more...

EDITORIAL | I’m very tempted to make Critic this TRASHY all the time

Posted 3:23pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Erin Gourley

Howdy folks and welcome to the Critic Tabloid issue! Oh boy, oh boy, do we have some salacious stories for you in this one! We’ve finally lost all sense of direction and become an actual rag! We’ve filled this bad boy right to the brim with some piping hot scoops that were legally Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Double Dipping

Posted 1:03am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic

Back in the innocent days of my youth (i.e. early 2020, before the world went to shit) I decided that I was going to spend my year overseas. However, I had one last conquest to tick off before I did so. Under the ruse of coming back to see my friends for one last hoorah, I arrived in Dunedin with a Read more...

Guy Buys Girlfriend Incorrect Tampons, Hailed By The Boys As Hero

Posted 1:01am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Davo was recently the talk of the town after actually nipping up to Gardens New World to buy his girlfriend sanitary products. “What a good guy,” said his mate Freddy. “So brave”, said Jono, nodding in agreement. Davo told the Tribune that on the way back from picking up Read more...

Flatmate Hasn’t Cleaned Mooncup in Two Years

Posted 1:00am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

“Bro she just keeps leaving it on the pile of dishes like she expects us to wash it,” said one disgruntled breatha. “Like, what does she think we are, a cleaning service?”  The bleeder’s menstrual cup is a purple, latex design that she describes as Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 12:59am Monday 24th May 2021 by Alice Taylor

M&M Cookies    I find that cookies are a solution to most of life’s tough problems. Is your friend heartbroken? Bake them cookies. Are you stressed? Bake yourself cookies? Friend’s birthday, but you’re poor? Cookies. Need to say sorry? Cookies. To conclude this Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 12:53am Monday 24th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Menstrual cups. Very cool and environmentally friendly and they’re way easier to insert than they look.  Period sex. Chuck a towel down and get amongst it fellas. Getting your period just when you’re about to head to the Albany St Pharmacy for a pregnancy test. A Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:49am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 With exams approaching, you may need to work on your attention span.  This week’s craving: a whole bag of twisties   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Time to snuggle up, cry and shut yourself out from the world.  This week’s craving: Read more...

Library Fine CDOs the Future of University Financial Strategy

Posted 4:46pm Wednesday 19th May 2021 by Critic

In a stroke of genius, the University of Otago has bundled individual outstanding library fines, referred to as book-backed securities (BS), into collateralised debt obligations (CDOs) made up of thousands of outstanding fines. It is rumoured that the promising financial strategy was adopted in Read more...

Local Man Talks Back To Mechanic, Becomes New Alpha Male

Posted 4:45pm Wednesday 19th May 2021 by Critic

In what was hailed as a world-first, a Dunedin man has successfully challenged his mechanic for the coveted position of alpha male. It began when Rob noticed the automatic transmission on his beloved 2011 Volkswagen Golf was beginning to shift oddly. He took it to Mike’s Mechanics down the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Gym-buddies With Benefits

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic

I had never been much of a gym girl. I did the occasional squats, cardio, dumbbells and all that jazz, but I’d never fully committed. So, one day, I thought I’d finally start working towards my lifelong goal of becoming as buff as Korra. This entailed getting a gym membership that I Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 5:12pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Alice Taylor

Bacon, Broccoli and Pea Risotto  This is my go-to recipe for when I don’t want to wash up lots of pots and pans. It’s simple, it’s delicious, and everyone loves it. My favourite thing to do with a risotto is to add camembert or brie cheese. I know it sounds a bit weird, but Read more...

Woodstock Bourbon and Cola Raspberry Edition

Posted 5:10pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Chug Norris

Woodstock Raspberry tastes like if a Liquorice Allsort and a rat had a kid. It tastes like a raspberry bun except instead of filling it with jam, they filled with regurgitated Billy Mavs. It tastes like a Razor Scooter to the ankle. It tastes like binge drinking on a dark field when you’re 16. Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:07pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate: People putting a fuckton of rubbish on their lawns in protest of the Uni’s 1984 vibes. The Proctor can’t fine us all, or can he?? Getting breathas at the bar at pint night to choose my drink for me. Speights is NOT good and I don’t care that I’m from Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:03pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Learn to stand up for yourself, doormat. Good deed for the week: Picking up rubbish    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 In the coming week you’re going to catch feelings. Stop before you start.  Good deed for the week: Doing your Read more...

EDITORIAL: Let Scrumpy hands die

Posted 3:36pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Erin Gourley

There, there. It’s over now. You can relax. No more shall the threat of scrumpy hands plague these streets. No more shall students walk the streets in fear of the next red card where they will be forced to drink two bottles of the worst form of alcohol imaginable. Scrumpy hands is no more. Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Like a Chainsaw

Posted 4:21pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Critic

I had a lot of questions when I first came into the possession of some anal beads, courtesy of Critic for some prior raunchy content. I had delved into a bit of butt stuff before but nothing much more than a thumb up the bum or a weak and dissatisfying attempt at anal. This gift had my senses piqued Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate:  The theory that Epstein DIDN’T kill himself. That’s not even a conspiracy theory at this point it just simply was a cover up by rich American child sex traffickers. The JonBenét Ramsay theory: I am fairly certain that it was the brother and the parents covered it Read more...