Archive

Crossword (Issue 21)

Posted 12:44pm Monday 6th September 2021 by Ciara White

Scroll down for the crossword from our current issue.    Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Part 2: A Big Night

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Critic

This experience came right on the back of a great one nighter, a wonderful night with such a hulk of man. Totally destroyed my ass and I loved it. We arranged to meet at his (we'll call him Dave), and planned out a little study meeting with some fun and maybe even a friend after. The sheer Read more...

Lecturer Busily Planning Extra Work For Locked-Down Students

Posted 3:54pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by The Critical Tribune

While most people are stuck at home with their schedules interrupted, one Uni lecturer is not letting lockdown stop his plans for the year. If anything, he’s planning to make it busier than ever before, with a flood of new assignments, projects and unit tests. Physiology lecturer Dr Mas Read more...

Parents Bribed Uni to Stop Students from Returning Home: OIA

Posted 3:53pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by The Critical Tribune

The email from Otago suggesting Health Sci students who went home were “gambling with their academic futures” was a result of pressure, begging, and bribery from parents, according to emails released to the Critical Tribune. In an email that caused stress for many students wishing to Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 3:49pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Making a lockdown bingo with your flatties since you all know each other FAR too intimately now (e.g. Niamh asks how to spell something).  Going for a run, it’s such an event. I do my eyeliner for that shit these days. Beer pong practice, those sexy breathas won’t know Read more...

Booze Reviews | White Wine

Posted 3:47pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Chug Norris

Now of course, white wine is a pretty broad category. But there’s a reason I’m not distinguishing sauvignon wanc and presling. There is simply no way I am going to review every slight fucking variation of white wine especially considering that there are hundreds of wineries for each Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 3:43pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Times are tough. You’re probably bored out of your brains at home. Try watching all your lectures and keep on top of things over lockdown so the workload doesn’t pile up.  Lockdown activity: studying with lofi beats    Pisces Feb Read more...

EDITORIAL | An ode to Singstar, the very best lockdown activity

Posted 1:20pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Erin Gourley

Lockdown boredom takes you to some weird places. You cry at TV shows, get emotional about your no-stakes game of poker, learn how to play field hockey and hurt your back. I know of just one game that involves no pain, only fun and bad singing: Singstar. Singstar is the perfect lockdown activity Read more...

Crossword (Issue 20)

Posted 1:26pm Monday 23rd August 2021 by Ciara White

Scroll down for the crossword from our current issue.  Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Juicy Stuff in a Juicy Van

Posted 4:30pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Critic

This story begins with a weekend trip to Queenstown with the girls. Drinking? Yes. Lines in town which are shorter than two hours? Yes. Hitting the slopes while we’re at it? Big yes. Half a bottle of fireball and a full face of makeup later, we find our way to town. By this point, Read more...

Breather Develops New Pull-Tab Method to Open Cans

Posted 4:27pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A local breatha, Devan, has after years of experimentation reached a breakthrough in accessing the liquid contents of RTDs.  By pulling the tab on the top of the can, a hole is opened which allows convenient sipping without any mess or unnecessary brain injuries. Until just one week ago, Read more...

Dunedin Hospital Moves Geriatric Ward To Face Hayward College

Posted 4:26pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Following complaints from Dunedin Hospital’s children’s ward about seeing “certain naked activities at night” from Hayward College across the road, the Hospital has stumbled upon a win-win situation: moving the geriatric ward to face the hall of residence instead. Dr. Burt Read more...

Horny Singles in your Area Still Ready to Mingle, Despite Level 4 Protocol

Posted 4:25pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Critic can confirm that the plethora of lonely MILF’s advertised by sketchy websties are still “seeking company” in these trying times.  Apparently unaware of, or at least willfully ignorant of, the lockdown procedure, these charming ladies have not backed down from Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Alice Taylor

Falafel  I was inspired to publish this recipe for two reasons. Firstly, while I am a proud and devoted lover of cheese and carbs, I realised that the majority of my most recent recipes were incredibly beige, creamy and cheesy. And secondly, lunch is by far my least favorite meal to make. Read more...

Hardcover Novel in Student Flat Hopeful of Finally Being Read

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A hardcover copy of “The Luminaries”, which has been gathering dust in a shady corner of a Dundas Street flat, is optimistic that it will finally be read over the lockdown period. The 2020 edition of Eleanor Catton’s book was purchased as a Christmas gift last year, by the Read more...

Booze Reviews | Speight's

Posted 4:16pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by @stassielijoshbeer

If you’re sick of the average chat of our weekly booze review and want to see some serious reviews of more quality beers, then check out @stassielijoshbeer on instagram. They are three flatmates who have committed to doing in-depth reviews of a bunch of NZ crafties. Just to fuck with them, Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 4:13pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to give yourself a pat on the back. It’s nearly the end of the year, and you’ve made it this far. Keep pushing onwards my Aquarians xx  Habit to break: procrastination   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 I’ve never Read more...

EDITORIAL: Lock-a-down-a! Here we go again

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Erin Gourley

Lots of déjà vu around at the moment. I’ve barely processed the snap lockdown. Three days feels short, like a nice break, but it looks like it will be longer than that. Time is already starting to do that stretchy thing it does when all the days are the same. I’m writing Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Is the gag reflex mental? No, here’s the proof

Posted 2:39pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Critic

I had moved into a flat after living with my ex whose name for the story shall be Luke. My flattie and I were downing gin and juice while playing board games having a grand ol’ time. Once she carked it in bed, I thought “this is a perfect opportunity to sneak around to my ex’s Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 2:36pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Alice Taylor

Nutella Bread and Butter Pudding (AKA Baked French Toast) This pudding is easy and cheap. If you don’t have too much experience baking, it’s a great place to start.  It is exceptionally difficult to fuck up, because it is literally white bread smothered in Nutella and soaked in Read more...