Archive

Vitalogy | Issue 3

Posted 3:08pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

Asthma is a spasmodic disease, characterised by paroxysms of difficult breathing, with great wheezing, and a dreadful sense of constriction across the chest; each paroxysm terminates by the expectoration of a more or less abundant of mucus. It is now considered a mucus disease dependant upon some Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 3

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Student Support

Stuck with flatties! I’m a second-year student and it’s my first time flatting. I’m flatting with people from my hall from first-year but I actually fucking hate their guts. They have parties at my house and don’t invite me. I’ve signed a full-year Read more...

Economics Everywhere | Issue 3

Posted 2:48pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Danni Pintacasi

This is a controversial statement to make at a university. For a long time I saw education as a human right, something that should be universally accessible to all those seeking it. Sure, it might be a drag on the taxpayer, but investing in educating a population helps keeps the populous politicians Read more...

Booze Review: A Diesel Yardie

Posted 2:45pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Diesel is a foul, horrific, gross, horrendous, revolting, evil, nasty, blasphemous, putrid offense to the senses and all sense of moral righteousness. Whoever invented it has done more damage to New Zealand than the Christchurch Earthquake and Max Key’s musical career combined. It’s no Read more...

Science Bitches | Issue 3

Posted 2:37pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Wee Doubt

A placebo is anything that seems to be a “real” medical treatment, but isn’t. It could be a pill, a shot, a spell, a potion; anything a person is told will make them feel better. What all placebos have in common is that they do not contain an active substance that demonstrably Read more...

Whānau Fit

Posted 2:31pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by Terina Raureti

Kia Ora whānau! Ko Terina Raureti tōku ingoa, ko Ngāti Raukawa tōku iwi, nō Otaki ahau. I started my postgrad journey last year when I discovered my passion in Māori Physical Education and Health and working within our Māori communities. To be honest, when I Read more...

Why a hospital rebuild matters to students

Posted 12:12pm Sunday 12th March 2017 by David Clark

Even though today it is agreed across the political spectrum that our hospital desperately needs updating, the timeframe for a rebuild keeps getting dragged out, and some argue that the new buildings may deliver fewer services than they currently do. My position is simple: Dunedin requires a Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 3

Posted 11:52am Sunday 12th March 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week the ODT has finally done it. They’ve run out of content completely. Over the next couple of weeks they plan to see how many different kinds of feathers they can lodge in different locations.   We seem to have an infestation of Australian Read more...

Editorial | Issue 3

Posted 11:19am Sunday 12th March 2017 by Lucy Hunter

Last week an advert appeared in The Star newspaper promoting Don Brash’s new political movement “Hobson’s Pledge”. In it, the group calls for politicians to stop giving “extra rights for those who arrived here first,” “favourable treatment based on Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 2

Posted 6:18pm Wednesday 8th March 2017 by Lovebirds

Short I came with low hopes and I thought wow he's actually alg looking, but then at the end of the day we were better suited as friends. His flat were sitting there, which I found weird, but each to their own. Good conversation, but no further I don't think! Ah well. Sweet On the Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 2

Posted 2:18pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Fanny Clive-Trevor

Sarah had spent years trying to remove the hair on her legs, but the hairs fought back. If she shaved, she’d only graze herself and wreck the blades. If she waxed, the hair would rip out in agonising patches, then her skin would become puckered and pimpled. Lasers glanced off them; depilatory Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 2

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

Deadly snakes are generally distinguishable by the thinness of the neck, immediately behind the head, and by their having only two teeth in the upper jaw. Kerosene oil is a never failing remedy for the cure of the bite of snakes and all other poisonous reptiles. Bind cloth wet with kerosene on Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 2

Posted 2:06pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Student Support

Help me, I have a mad boner for my lecturer. Should I make a move on that? Is this legal? Help. Frustrated Disclaimer: Student Support advises you to take Ethel’s advice. Send your questions to: ethelandhyde@ousa.org.nz   Ethel says: Oh dear, that sounds Read more...

Economics Everywhere | Issue 2

Posted 1:56pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Danni Pintacasi

There’s no such thing as a free lunch. However, the internet is an all you can eat buffet of free lunches, provided you can put up with the ads. Enter adblock stage left. Adblock creates the ultimate user experience; everything is free and all the intrusive pop-ups are gone. But eventually, Read more...

Flamé Is the Perfect Drink, the Beer We Were Put on This Earth to Create

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Flame (pronounced Flamé) is an imported French beer, brewed by Trappist monks at a hidden monastery near the peak of the Pyrenees alps, since the early 1300s. Legend has it that the true recipe has never been written down, instead it is passed by oral tradition from master to apprentice. Read more...

Post-Grad & Broke

Posted 1:44pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Philosophy of Zane

Hey Otago Ew-ni, We have a bone to pick with you. We need to talk about how “full” scholarships do not, in fact, cover the costs required to be a student.  What is the purpose of a scholarship? To us, it is meant to allow someone to complete their studies, while not allowing Read more...

Science Bitches | Issue 2

Posted 1:34pm Sunday 5th March 2017 by Ben Cravens

Recent data, gathered by NASA’s Kepler spacecraft, indicates that up to 40 billion habitable planets may exist in our galaxy. Given this abundance of fertile planets, scientific estimates, like the Drake Equation, predict intelligent life should have developed and spread throughout our Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 2

Posted 11:09am Sunday 5th March 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week, the ODT proved yet again that they will brave nonsensical surrealism in order to make a pop culture reference.   Nothing makes us at ODT Watch more aroused than a nice bit of old fashioned ODT ineptitude. Not only is Dan Hendra not the OUSA president, he is also not Read more...

David Clark | Issue 2

Posted 10:57am Sunday 5th March 2017 by David Clark

There’s a real buzz in Dunedin during Orientation Week. Cafés and bars come alive, the streets fill with people exploring their new home and empty University colleges and flats transform into hubs of activity.  I hope you have created plenty of good memories this O-Week, and Read more...

Editorial | Issue 2

Posted 10:13am Sunday 5th March 2017 by Joe Higham

On Wednesday last week, a small group of protesters gathered to oppose the presence of global finance company Goldman Sachs on campus because of their investment in the Dakota Access Pipeline (see page seven for more information). The group was no larger than fifteen at any given time, and at Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 1

Posted 2:33pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 1

Posted 2:06pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Jessica Thompson Carr

There is not a more ideal place for a killer to roam than Castle Street, so they told us. I believe it. Ever since that evening the Marsh was evacuated one evening because of a ‘suspicious figure’ wandering the Botans. We thought they meant a gunman.  Of course, the flat doors Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 1

Posted 1:55pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

Young men and women embarking on their education must study, but excessive bookishness will lead to a fever of the brain that will incapacitate the nerves and leave the young person unable to participate in society. Watch for symptoms of brain-fever in your companions in your homestays and in Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 1

Posted 1:46pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Student Support

Some kind of bottom dwelling scum loving slug must have lived in the flat I just moved into, cos it is gross. I only saw pictures of it online before I moved in and it looked great.  Now I see it in reality it is smaller, dirtier and older than I was expecting.  There is hair in the shower Read more...

Economics Everywhere | Issue 1

Posted 1:32pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Danni Pintacasi

Personally, I have never made it to the end of a single game of Monopoly, despite its subtitle being “The Fast-Dealing Property Trading Game.” The evolution of the boardgame is entrenched in irony. In the late 1800s, Elizabeth Magie developed a game that would later evolve into Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews* | Issue 1

Posted 1:26pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Understanding the appeal of Canterbury Cream means knowing a little bit about the New Zealand tax code. You see, the Excise Tax, which applies to all alcohol sold in this country, varies greatly based on the alcohol percentage. The tax per litre of pure alcohol on spirits is $51, and for Beer is Read more...

Science | Issue 1

Posted 1:18pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Shivam Kalhan

How weird would it be if we could relive or access our ancestors’ lives? Or would that just be insanely awesome. For those of you that would find it weird, meet the game series Assassin’s Creed. This game revolves around the main character reliving the lives of his ancestors. He can do Read more...

Interloan Guilt

Posted 1:14pm Sunday 26th February 2017 by Cameron Coombe

Over the course of completing my Masters I saw no need to read everything. If I picked the three most recognised sources on a topic, threw in an obscure reference where I could make one (this guy writing for this non-peer-reviewed undergraduate pre-Internet USSR journal says this, but he’s Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 1

Posted 11:26am Sunday 26th February 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Puns are like opioids; you start using only occasionally with a quality product, but fast you sink into addiction and squalor. The article was about the prime minister shearing a sheep. That’s right, in a five word headline the ODT has managed to include not one, but two insults to the Read more...

David Clark | Issue 1

Posted 11:07am Sunday 26th February 2017 by David Clark

Many people were surprised by the outcome of the US Presidential Election last November. Along with others (including most pollsters in the US) I expected Hillary Clinton to win. Having had the privilege of spending time in the US, I can vouch that our countries are firm friends. New Zealand and Read more...

OUSA Execrable | Issue 1

Posted 11:03am Sunday 26th February 2017 by Joe Higham

2016 OUSA Campaigns Officer, Sean Gamble began the meeting by speaking about the Local Body Elections student engagement report. The aim of enrolling 5,000 students to vote was “bold” according to the report, and various experimental methods were employed to achieve the goal. For Read more...

Editorial | Issue 1

Posted 10:34am Sunday 26th February 2017 by Lucy Hunter

Welcome to a new year of Critic magazine! We are excited to start the year with a new team of contributors.  I hope you all managed to keep your togas securely fastened and your wristbands firmly in place. However, I felt disappointed when I saw that out of the 26 paid musicians in the big Read more...

Ruling from the Press Council

Posted 2:16pm Thursday 13th October 2016 by Critic

CASE NO: 2533   ADJUDICATION BY THE NEW ZEALAND PRESS COUNCIL ON THE COMPLAINTS OF DUNEDIN CITY COUNCIL AGAINST CRITIC TE AROHI   FINDING: UPHELD IN PART   Introduction Dunedin City Council complained about two stories in Critic, the student magazine of the Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 26

Posted 1:05pm Saturday 8th October 2016 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind-date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mis-matched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Dog With Two Tails, ply them with food and alcohol, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this svounds Read more...

Sexcellent | Issue 26

Posted 12:03pm Saturday 8th October 2016 by Sexcellent

Seeing as it’s the end of the year, I thought I might impart some sex advice to you all on how to have a good, healthy sex life.  1) Get to know yourself You need to know yourself, what you like and what you don’t like, your turn ons and turn offs. Perhaps you’re really Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 26

Posted 12:00pm Saturday 8th October 2016 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

This powerful treatment contributes to the removal of disease, and inducing activity of the vessels of the skin. It is recommended in severe colds, pleurisy, rheumatism, diarrhea, dysentery, feverish and inflammatory attacks, etc. The patient is to be in a night-shirt or other clothing, to be Read more...

Dear Ethel | Issue 26

Posted 11:57am Saturday 8th October 2016 by Student Support

Dear Ethel, My mum’s really sick and I may have to drop everything to go home any day. Dad’s not working at the moment and I don’t want to ask him for money because everything is going towards mum’s medical bills. Is there anywhere I can get some financial help? Also, what Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 26

Posted 11:55am Saturday 8th October 2016 by Charlie O’Mannin

After ODT Watch accused the ODT of cult-like ritual summoning last week, public pressure forced the ODT to explain their actions. Their explanation was as weak as their ability to make up titles.   The rooster was our only hope. The crossbows are coming.   A Dunedin Read more...

David Clark | Issue 26

Posted 11:44am Saturday 8th October 2016 by David Clark

This will be my last column for 2016. I thought I’d grab the chance to say thank you for your support this year, and to wish you good luck for the long lean summer months without Critic. Many of you will be working hard over the summer to save enough to survive another year at New Read more...

Matters Of Debate | Issue 26

Posted 11:37am Saturday 8th October 2016 by Otago University Debating Society

The Otago University Debating Society meets every Tuesday at 6pm for social debating—new members are always welcome! Join our Facebook group for more information: facebook.com/groups/otagouniversitydebatingsociety Affirmative, by Dr. Frank-N-Furter The prevalence of Read more...

Team-itorial | Issue 26

Posted 10:16am Saturday 8th October 2016 by Critic

It’s been a hell of a year here at Critic, with plenty of good times. Given our final issue this week, we thought we’d disclose our highlights of the year.   Ceri: According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 25

Posted 1:55pm Saturday 1st October 2016 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind-date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mis-matched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Dog With Two Tails, ply them with food and alcohol, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this svounds Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 25

Posted 12:59pm Saturday 1st October 2016 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

This week I have heard grave rumours about young men at Otago University indulging in tobacco inhalation, be it by cigarette or pipe. Be warned, fellows, that any advantage you see in this habit is a delusion. If your companion goes to take in smoke, tell him this: Cigarettes and tobacco in young Read more...

Dear Ethel | Issue 25

Posted 12:56pm Saturday 1st October 2016 by Student Support

Dear Ethel, Our landlord is blaming us for damaging the carpet and telling us we need to pay $2,500 for new carpet or we won’t get our bond back at the end of the year. Can he do that? We have contributed a couple of little stains to the carpet but it was already shit when we moved in and Read more...

Sexcellent | Issue 25

Posted 12:52pm Saturday 1st October 2016 by Sexcellent

Dear Sexcellent, My boyfriend has been making comments about my body that make me uncomfortable. He says I need to attend the gym more, and will make jokes about my weight - sometimes around other people too. I’m not even overweight. How can I address this issue without seeming silly or Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 25

Posted 12:48pm Saturday 1st October 2016 by Charlie O’Mannin

It looks like this week the ODT has joined a cult. Blood was reportedly seen running from underneath the door of the editor’s office, accompanied by ghoulish chanting.   Sometimes the ODT seems obsessed with overly dramatizing its content.  Please, as if Read more...

Clark V. Woodhouse | Issue 25

Posted 12:38pm Saturday 1st October 2016 by David Clark

David Clark In my role as an MP, my preferred Presidential Candidate is the one the United States public elects. I believe in the value of democracy.  For reasons of electoral mathematics, I believe the winner can only be Hillary Clinton. Demographic changes over time have stacked the Read more...

Matters Of Debate | Issue 25

Posted 12:33pm Saturday 1st October 2016 by Otago University Debating Society

The Otago University Debating Society meets every Tuesday at 6pm for social debating—new members are always welcome! Join our Facebook group for more information: facebook.com/groups/otagouniversitydebatingsociety Affirmative, by Little Bo Peep There's a reason why the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 25

Posted 10:16am Saturday 1st October 2016 by Hugh Baird

Recently this past week, Vice Chancellor Harlene Hayne announced that the University of Otago had a serious problem of excessive drinking. She claimed that at the heart of the problem lay the proliferation of alcohol outlets in and around the North Dunedin campus.  The comments came in the Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 24

Posted 1:13pm Saturday 24th September 2016 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind-date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mis-matched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Dog With Two Tails, ply them with food and alcohol, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this svounds Read more...