Archive

Editorial: Bats

Posted 3:50pm Sunday 30th April 2023 by Fox Meyer

Really didn't know what to write about this week, so here’s how I caused a minor rabies scare in rural Ohio. I started out attending uni at a shit school in the shittest state in the entirety of America: Ohio. I only went because they gave me money and I will never forgive them for it. Read more...

Why are you poor?

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Critic

Only losers are poor, and if you’re poor, it’s your fault. There are so many reasons why it’s your fault, so we’ve designed this quiz to help you really figure out the answer so you can get back on that #grind. What are you spending the most money on that you could do Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Can’t Beetle this Juice

Posted 2:59pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Critic

I know there have been some less-positive confessions lately, so here’s something slightly more wholesome. Slightly. It’s around 2am and most of our flat’s in bed, save for two (let’s call them Nikki and Molly, not using real names). The door of the flat opens, and Nikki Read more...

Local Produce: Saurian

Posted 2:58pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

Saurian make music that matches their name: hard rock. Critic Te Ārohi managed to catch up with the band in the midst of their current tour. Saurian is Karl (guitar/vocals), Cameron (guitar), Logan (bass), and Hamish (drums). Saurian have been a band since 2015, starting with Karl and Hamish Read more...

Chargrills: potato bake

Posted 2:56pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

This shit is simple and dope. Feeds 8, so there definitely will be leftovers. Pair with a bit of cheap rump steak and steamed broccoli or whatever else you feel like running. 1kg potatoes, peeled 150g cheese, grated 1.5 cups of cream and/or milk 2 cloves fresh garlic, Read more...

Editorial: why capitalism is actually great for the environment

Posted 2:42pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Fox Meyer

Thanks to Margret Thatcher (#girlboss) and a few other legends, we all get to live in the wonderful world of industrial capitalism. They also call it neoliberalism, which is like Neopets but for money. It’s very slay and cute. We get to use this thing called “the market” that Read more...

Booze Review: Soju

Posted 2:32pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Soju sounds like a slur Walt Disney would use. It’s not, though. It’s booze. It seems that these days I have exhausted my excitement for alcohol. Bored of beer, sick of RTD’s, and left with broken spirit(s). The novelty is gone and I wonder what is the point of destroying my Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 8

Posted 2:16pm Sunday 23rd April 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to celebrate yourself, Aquarians! Give yourself a sweet treat and a pat on the back for all your efforts. You deserve it. Political ideology to subscribe to: Anarchism.  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Pisces, it goes without saying you have Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 7

Posted 12:07pm Sunday 16th April 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 While you may be enjoying life mentally and physically, it’s your financial wellbeing you should check in on. This is your yearly reminder that course related costs are not actually free money. Drug to indulge in: Shrooms.  Pisces Feb 19 - Mar Read more...

Local Produce: Ōtepoti Slam Collective

Posted 12:03pm Sunday 16th April 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

The Ōtepoti Slam Collective (ŌSC), formerly the Dunedin Slam Collective, was founded by poet and playwright Kerry Lane. Alongside hosting open mic poetry nights until 2019, ŌSC also hosted competitive regional slams that were integrated with the NZ Young Writers Festival from 2017 Read more...

Dirty, Dirty Laundry

Posted 11:59am Sunday 16th April 2023 by Critic

It began late, on an otherwise unremarkable Wednesday night. I was buried in a pile of laundry, trying to figure out how I'd let myself accumulate such a mountain of dirty clothes. As I was loading the washing machine in our hall’s basement laundry room, I noticed a strikingly attractive Read more...

Chargrills: Yeastless Focaccia

Posted 11:48am Sunday 16th April 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Sick of buying bread? Wheat it and weep.  Ingredients: 350g self raising flour  250ml warm water 3 tbsp oil, preferably of the olive variety Pinch of salt  Any herbs or seeds you can find laying around - I used pumpkin seeds and some dried thyme.  Need more Read more...

Editorial: You have a problem that drugs can’t fix

Posted 11:45am Sunday 16th April 2023 by Fox Meyer

I’ve said it once, I’ll say it a million times: there’s a damn good reason so many of you think you have ADHD. Or autism. Or whatever it is that’s in fashion at the moment. It might seem “normal” to us, having grown up with it, but the current idea of what Read more...

Booze Review: The Ned Pinot Gris

Posted 11:28am Sunday 16th April 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Most Dunedinites won’t drink a bottle of wine until they’re face-to-face with a butter chicken curry. After all, nothing pairs better with naan than a $7.50 bottle of Cleanskin Sauvignon Blanc - the curry equivalent of a Happy Meal, served alongside what is basically the piss of a French Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 6

Posted 3:31pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 There lies a difficult road ahead for Aquarians this week. Navigate your challenges with caution, and be sure to act on logic rather than emotion. Anger and short temperament won’t get you very far.  Plant to cultivate: The dead basil you’ve Read more...

Local Produce: Tini Whetū Project Space

Posted 3:28pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

Tini Whetū Project Space is an experimental art gallery and space, curated by Piupiu Maya Turei (Wairarapa Moana, Te Ātihaunui-a-Pāpārangi). Tini Whetū is situated in the upper-level of Yours on Moray Place, in both the corridor leading to Evening Bookstore and the bookstore Read more...

Booze review: Haägen Strøng

Posted 3:25pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

  Initially launched as a wartime ration distributed to the ANZACs, Haägen Strong has found its way to being a staple across the diets of many New Zealanders. Trying to find a can of this stuff while it’s on special at the supermarket is difficult, as its primary consumers are Read more...

Chargrills: Veggie Spag

Posted 3:20pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Want to avoid getting sick as it gets a bit colder? This veggie packed spag bol will help keep your immune system sharp as a tack. Add more protein if you want!! Stir-fried beef would go well with this. Ingredients: Oil 1 brown onion, diced 2 tbsp tomato paste (optional) 2 Read more...

Get Your Rocks Off

Posted 3:17pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Critic

Picture this: a chilly Friday night, my flatmates were away, and I was bored out of my mind. My hormones were in full swing, and I had no other choice but to resort to the one app that had never failed me: Tinder. After swiping right on a guy who looked like the lost Hemsworth brother (or so I Read more...

Editorial: Ocean’s Eleven Bar and Grill

Posted 2:58pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Fox Meyer

Avid readers will remember the year’s first issue, in which we talked about how Eleven Bar couldn't be bothered with boring legal stuff like fire or food safety (yawn) and breached the Sale and Supply of Liquor Act from nineteen-ninety-whatever. Cracking stuff, right? Well, no, we know Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 5

Posted 4:21pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 My mama told me when I was young, we were all born superstars. She rolled my hair and put my lipstick on in the glass of her boudoir. Queertivity of the week: Rock climbing.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 "There's nothing wrong with loving who Read more...

Local Produce: The Bowling Club

Posted 4:15pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

The Bowling Club Dunedin is $4 Lunch’s hot new friend. Though the joint is a bit far from campus, partners Jackie and Liam have set up a reliable, delicious eatery for anyone, no matter your price range. When we got there, the line was nearly out the door. And it wasn’t hard to see Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Gatekeep, Gaslight, Gossip Girl

Posted 4:12pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Critic

Every time I close my eyes, I’m reminded of the most disappointing night of my life. Three years ago, I was a bottle of wine and a butter chicken deep and decided that it would be the night I finally got some. I was on a mission, so I downloaded Tinder and managed to snag one with a missing Read more...

Chargrills: Pad Thai

Posted 4:06pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Love Pad Thai, but poor? Me too. Look no further. This shit is gangster for a flat of 5-6 and if you split the bill it’s pretty cheap. Ingredients: 600g protein (could use chicken breast, prawns, tofu or chickpeas) Broccoli head 2 large carrots 2 cups frozen beans (I used mung Read more...

Editorial: Try the Broccoli

Posted 4:01pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

Who do you trust more: a kid that’s never tried broccoli but insists he doesn’t like it, or a kid who says he doesn’t like it because he’s tried it once? Anyway, in this editorial I’m going to explain why it’s less gay to suck one dick than it is to never suck a Read more...

Booze review: Byron Bay Brewery Piña Colada Sparkling Cocktail

Posted 3:56pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

RTDs are like your friend's untrained dog: fun to play with at first, but with the potential to leave a child face down on the asphalt. Being little more than over-championed sugar water, RTDs have incurred a tenfold amount of bad karma than they have good. On the cosmic scales of justice, Read more...

How Should You Come Out?

Posted 3:44pm Sunday 26th March 2023 by Arlo Hill

You’ve done some soul-searching and made some realisations about yourself, and now you’re ready to tell the world. Congratulations! All that’s left is to decide how to do it. While we can’t ascertain what you’re coming out with, we can tell you the best way for you to Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 4

Posted 3:05pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 While it’s in your nature to be blunt and direct, sometimes this can come off as a little mean. It’s important to remember how you speak to people. It may be hard to believe, but sometimes others actually do have feelings. Location to visit: St Clair Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Cherry cherry boom boom

Posted 3:01pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Critic

I remember it as if it was yesterday.   New Year’s Eve was in the air, and my hunger for an intimate partner for the night was in full swing. I was talking to this girl at the time, and we thought New Year’s would be the primo opportunity to finally do it.   As she Read more...

Chargrills: Corn Frittazzzzz

Posted 2:47pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

The last three recipes have had heaps of ingredients, so here's one with just five must-add ingredients. It's corn.   In saying that, maize well load ‘em up with sour cream and/or sweet chilli if you've got any. Corn’t go wrong with a few greens on the side. Read more...

Editorial: The Silence of the Sulphur-Crested Cockatoos

Posted 2:42pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

I cannot stress how much interviewing Sid (page 20) felt like interviewing Hannibal Lector.   We started off in the aviary’s kitchen, getting a safety debrief. We were told that this individual was highly intelligent, that he has a history with visitors, and not to let him get too Read more...

Booze Review: Part Time Rangers

Posted 2:23pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Part Time Rangers provide aid to at-risk animals worldwide, donating 10% from every can to various charities. They are yet to help out the orangutan addicted to heroin in my basement.   The gimmick is that each box has a nice animal on it, and depending on the box you buy, you will be Read more...

In the Eyes of the Beholder: Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 2:18pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

Callout: This column is supported by DPAG, but they have no influence on the reviews   Every week, we send two writers to an art exhibit in Ōtepoti Dunedin. One of them will choose a specific piece, and describe it to the other without them looking. They’ll try to figure out Read more...

Local Produce: Yours: Your Place for Coffee and Anarchy

Posted 2:06pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Zak Rudin

Yours, a workers co-op, cafe and creative hangout space, opened late last year on 43 Moray Place. Being anarchist and all, Yours does not place too much of an emphasis on financial quantitative transactions, instead opting for manaakitanga and relationship-building. Critic Te Ārohi sat down Read more...

Which Instant Noodle Are You?

Posted 2:14pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

You’re on campus and need a caffeine hit. Where are you getting it from? Cafe Albany I stopped in at my favourite coffee spot on the way in Can of Boss coffee from campus shop No matter where I am, I’ll be trekking it to Bagelo’s   How is Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: Brother-in-law gets fucked hard (by the law)

Posted 1:58pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Critic

Is this sex related? No. At least not in a good way. But since I can’t afford therapy, winning a free sex toy from Critic for this story is as close as I’ll get.   The story begins back in October when I started receiving TikToks from my mates back home of a girl saying her Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 3

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Do something cute for yourself this week. It’s time for some much needed self-care. Get a fancy coffee or a sweet treat. Buy yourself something you definitely don’t need. You deserve it!  Drink for the week: Dirty Read more...

Chargrills: Meatballs and tzatziki

Posted 1:46pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Everyone loves a meaty ball, so birdbath this shit. Get out of the spa-ghetto and try meatballs without tomato sauce and with tzatziki instead. This is good tucka.   MEATBALL INGREDIENTS:   BASE 2 cups rice (or your choice of grain) 3 tbsp Read more...

Editorial: Give Me Burrito or Give Me Death

Posted 1:20pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

Pretty much every culture in the world has independently invented the same four things: bladed weapons, fermentation, pigments, and a way to wrap dough around food.   I’m talking sandwiches. I’m talking kebabs, calzones, dumplings, gyros, and, of course, burritos. And it warms Read more...

Crate Review: Waikato Draught

Posted 1:13pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

As a Jaf-ugee, Crate Day always leaves me in a bit of a conundrum. On the one hand, I can try and claim Speights as my crate of origin, but I know deep in my heart I’m no Southern man. On the other hand, Lion Red is fucking disgusting. However, this year, I was saved the agonizing choice by my Read more...

Local Produce: What Does My Landlord Own?

Posted 12:50pm Sunday 12th March 2023 by Zak Rudin

“What Does My Landlord Own?” is a website that allows users to enter an address and see other properties tied to that owner. The website was launched early this year by an anonymous team known as “sunset_flowers” determined to “help address the vast inequalities present Read more...

Moaningful Confessions: The threesome that was never meant to be

Posted 2:43pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Critic

  It started off as any good sexual encounter would: we had all been drinking for three days straight and were feeling somewhere between delirium and death. I had been talking to one co-worker named Jimmy (not his real name) and feeling a bit promiscuous. We had spent the last few days Read more...

Local Produce: Pedals Dunedin

Posted 2:38pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

This week, Critic Te Ārohi caught up with our favourite biker gang: Pedals Dunedin. Pedals is Ōtepoti’s first and only bike courier service and easily the most friendly, in both the eco and literal sense. The Pedals team consists of Liam Harrison and Ashley Read more...

Chargrills: Thai Orange Chicken

Posted 2:30pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Charly Burnett @chargrillss

Pissed about the price of prawns? Give this chicken a crack. If this recipe was a famous person it would be Jonah Hill on 21 Jump Street. We’re talking missionary. We're talking when I'm on top and she's on her back. Good staple to start off with, but couldn't do it every time. Read more...

Editorial: Hide yo bongs, hide yo wife

Posted 2:14pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

Bongs get stolen all the time. While this is objectively pretty funny, it highlights a particular problem created by the fact that weed is still illegal in this country. Set aside for a moment any problems you may have with the institution of law enforcement - a big ask, I know. But let’s Read more...

Booze Review: Billy Mav

Posted 2:08pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Albert Einsteinlager

Behind every jovial flat party, every electric scooter thrown through a glass window, and every deck that spews DnB onto the street...is Billy Maverick. He is the lifeblood of North Dunedin. If the Leith were to ever dry up, it would be replaced with bourbon and cola. Billy Mavs come exclusively Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 2

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to be more intentional with your relationships. Sometimes you have a tendency to space out and miss life’s important moments. Be sure to work on this, as you have plenty of love to give.  Bad habit to break: Read more...

In the Eye of the Beholders Dunedin Art Reviews

Posted 1:16pm Sunday 5th March 2023 by Fox Meyer

This column is supported by DPAG, but they have no influence on the reviews   Every week, we send two writers to an art exhibit in Ōtepoti Dunedin. One of them will choose a specific piece, and describe it to the other without them looking. They’ll try to figure out what the Read more...

Local Produce: [Allophones]

Posted 7:44pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Jamiema Lorimer

The Allophones are Barney, Ben, and Tane. Barney and Ben are also siblings. “Allophones” are also a group of sounds that a certain combination of letters can make (linguistics students, please don’t come for me). You could also say an “allophone” is a singular member of Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 1

Posted 7:35pm Sunday 26th February 2023 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 The stars are aligning for you! This year the universe is moving into Aquarius, you lucky ducks. Be prepared for some freaky shit to happen from March till June xx New Year’s Resolution: Make the most out of every moment.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar Read more...