Get Your Rocks Off

Get Your Rocks Off

Picture this: a chilly Friday night, my flatmates were away, and I was bored out of my mind. My hormones were in full swing, and I had no other choice but to resort to the one app that had never failed me: Tinder.

After swiping right on a guy who looked like the lost Hemsworth brother (or so I thought), we exchanged a few flirty messages and decided to meet at a local bar. To my surprise, he actually showed up looking more like the lost Baldwin brother... but who am I to judge? We stumbled through a few awkward conversations until he whispered in my ear, "Ever done it in a library?" I was intrigued. I mean, who wouldn't be excited by the thought of getting it on amongst the dusty, untouched pages of old books?

We headed into the Science Library near closing, trying our best not to draw any attention to ourselves. The thrill of getting caught made it all the more enticing. We tiptoed past rows of books until we found the perfect spot: the geologic history section. Because what could be more romantic?

We hid between a gap in the shelves as Campus Watch made their rounds. Finally, we were alone in a closed library. As things started heating up and our clothes began to shed, we were so caught up in our passion that we didn't hear security making their rounds. They yelled at us to get dressed and leave immediately.

In a panic, I accidentally grabbed the wrong pants and ended up wearing his jeans as we were escorted out of the library. The guy muttered something about "kids these days," and my newfound lover sheepishly whispered, "I guess we're making history."

We laughed it off and said our goodbyes, exchanging the wrong pants in the process. As I walked home, I couldn't help but feel a mix of shame and pride for our little escapade. I mean, who else can say they've been kicked out of the library for loving Geology a bit too much?

Every time I walk past that library now, I can't help but think about the night I got to experience a whole new level of "silent reading."

This article first appeared in Issue 6, 2023.
Posted 3:17pm Sunday 2nd April 2023 by Critic.