RTDs are like your friend's untrained dog: fun to play with at first, but with the potential to leave a child face down on the asphalt. Being little more than over-championed sugar water, RTDs have incurred a tenfold amount of bad karma than they have good. On the cosmic scales of justice, they’re about a stone's throw away from TikTok.
The overlords that feed us this slop have caught wind of the overly negative reputation that precedes their poison, pushing them to produce something a little more palatable. No longer a ravenous dog, the RTD market is now more like that turtle from Finding Nemo. Except, instead of being stoned, it’s just really into recycling. Byron Bay Brewery’s Piña Colada Sparkling Cocktail embraces this new era while paying its respects to its past.
The BBB Piña Colada actually tastes pretty good as far as RTDs are concerned. The pronounced pineapple and coconut flavour isn’t overpowering, nor does it leave an aftertaste akin to the insides of a glow stick - a revolutionary advancement for RTD technology. I can drink eight of these things without feeling like I’m killing myself, and that’s the kind of white lie I can get behind.
The cans boldly display “39 calories, and 3g sugar per 100ml”, which is a strange way of advertising that it has more calories and sugar than a Speights Gold Medal Ale. I applaud their transparency, but half suspect they assumed their consumers wouldn't understand multiplication and would therefore think they were drinking a healthier alternative.
Despite being $2 per standard, I’m likely to come back to the BBB range of RTDs. This may sound completely and totally insane but, as of yet, I have not been plagued with a hangover. And since I aim to prevent a hangover at any cost, going with these seems to be a pretty safe bet.
Also, once you start drinking these the Piña Colada Song gets stuck in your head and it doesn’t leave until you’re drunk enough that even the lyrics in your head begin to slur. That, or you start belting it out as loud as humanly possible. Either way, you’re getting sloshed and your partner will try to leave you through the ad section of the local newspaper.
Tasting notes: Just real enough to make you sad about Dunedin’s climate.
Chugability: 8/10, surprisingly not very gassy.
Hangover depression level: 2/10, your wallet is the real victim here.
Overall: 8/10, they surprised me.