Moaningful Confessions: Cherry cherry boom boom

Moaningful Confessions: Cherry cherry boom boom

I remember it as if it was yesterday.


New Year’s Eve was in the air, and my hunger for an intimate partner for the night was in full swing. I was talking to this girl at the time, and we thought New Year’s would be the primo opportunity to finally do it.


As she and I were walking side by side, we had the awesome idea to do it in a public toilet. It felt like a no-brainer at the time until we realised that the toilet block was filled with 10-15 other occupants. We chose a stall and said, “Fuck it, let’s do it.”


Everything was going amazing until three stranger’s heads popped over the toilet to watch. Let me just add, this was a lad’s toilet. I kept going until I realised this wasn’t right and had to give them the rest of my Marlboro golds to piss off.


Now that that was over, I looked down at my private bits and noticed blood everywhere. She wasn’t on her period so I thought it was me, but little did I know that no one had ever popped her cherry.


That night I was also wearing a white hoodie which got absolutely drenched in her

blood. Not a happy camper at this point. The next day I woke up with a roaring headache

and walked into my mates lounge not realising I was still wearing this hoodie.


My mate’s mum said, “Holy shit what happened? Did you get into a fight?” I replied “yes” and she told me to take it off to throw in the washing machine.


I never told her what that blood was.

This article first appeared in Issue 4, 2023.
Posted 3:01pm Sunday 19th March 2023 by Critic.