Most Dunedinites won’t drink a bottle of wine until they’re face-to-face with a butter chicken curry. After all, nothing pairs better with naan than a $7.50 bottle of Cleanskin Sauvignon Blanc - the curry equivalent of a Happy Meal, served alongside what is basically the piss of a French child. Anything served from a glass instead of a plastic bag is considered “cultured” in New Zealand.
The Ned Pinot Gris is the logical progression from bottom shelf wine. But let me tell you, even the cheapest amongst you, that $16 on sale is a small price to pay for such a difference in quality. It is genuinely worth the spend every now and then, because (personal) research shows that a small investment into the quality of wine you drink will yield better nights out and fresher mornings. The hangover that arises from cheap wine is so excruciating that I can’t trust those who get trashed off the stuff; you wake up in the morning having embalmed your brain with stomach acid. Look me in the eyes and tell me that the extra $5 isn’t worth it. When you wake up, lips chapped and head throbbing, tell me you wouldn’t fork over five bucks to make the pain go away.
The distinct salmon-pink colour of The Ned is an obvious sign that you’re better than everyone else at the BYO. They leer with jealousy from across the table while you sip away, pretending to understand the nectarine nuances of your $16 wine. Yes, it’s tasty, and no, you can’t have a sip. Now fuck off while I tuck into my saagwala. Oh no, don’t put the coin in my drink, I couldn’t possibly skull this you're so drinkable aha.
Wine drinking is an art of diminishing returns. The difference in quality between bottom to middle range wine is much larger than middle to top. Past that $16 price point you’re really just paying to masturbate over tannins or whatever the fuck those are. The most disingenuous profession is being a wine taster, and the sommeliers behind the bottle aren’t particularly lying, they are just incredibly good at making people feel smart because they can taste something and say words like “earthy” and “aromatic”. The flavour was always there, they just said the word “avocado” and now you owe them $45. I applaud their ability to upsell alcohol to already drunk people.
On a student budget, you can stretch it for The Ned. The only reason a third-year student should have a bottle of Cleanskin is to smuggle Billy Mavs into a BYO.
Tasting notes: Stone Fruit? What, like a geode?
Chugability: 7/10, God save the queen.
Hangover depression level: 1 bottle: 4/10, 2 bottles: 9/10.
Overall: 9/10, worth it.