Archive
ODT Watch | The Week the ODT Let Themselves Down
Posted 9:07pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin
We’re disappointed in the ODT this week. They missed an obvious pun. Alternative headline: “Post shops to become post-post shops.” Are you ok Barry (I assume your name’s Barry)? Is your strained relationship with your wife and your growing isolation from your children Read more...
Dunedin Flat Names Project | The Signmaker
Posted 5:47pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Sarah Gallagher
Some students and landlords commission the construction of signs, usually from a commercial outfit, but a new (to me, at least) market has emerged. A few years ago I caught up with Jasper, at the time a fourth year law student, who for the previous three years had been making flat signs on Read more...
Booze Review: Jose Cuervo Tequila will murder your whole family
Posted 5:46pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer
Jose Cuervo tequila will murder your family, frame you for visa fraud, shiv you and leave you to die in a Mexican prison. Have you ever been run over by a freight truck, stomped out by a Super Rugby team in studs, shat your liver out your arsehole, or cried yourself to sleep in a cold Read more...
Critic Blind Date | Meghan and Harry
Posted 5:44pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Critic
The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz Meghan Well blow me sideways and strap in for the Read more...
Advice On How To Be A Fifth Year And Increase Your Social Media Following
Posted 5:43pm Thursday 17th May 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport
By the time you get to fifth year/5 years +, you find yourself living alone in St Clair or a random hill/valley somewhere else in Dunedin. Your Facebook page is rusty and as a cohort, you’re averaging 20 likes per Instagram post. While there is nothing wrong with living in the real world, Read more...
Dunedin Youth Orchestra Hit The Stage with 'Rhapsody in Blue'
Posted 3:25pm Tuesday 15th May 2018 by Ihlara McIndoe
The Dunedin Youth Orchestra’s “In Blue” concert coming up on Friday 18 May at 8.15pm at Hanover Hall offers a “really chill and super fun opportunity for students to get amongst some classic orchestra works” says Isaac Shatford, DYO’s featured soloist this Read more...
ODT Watch | The Week We Felt (Briefly) Sad for the ODT
Posted 4:49pm Sunday 13th May 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin
To start this week the ODT are seeking help for a problem sculpture that keeps popping up in their garden, They tried cutting it in half, but then they jut had two worm sculptures to deal with. Next, some words from Councillor Lee ‘Climate Change is Read more...
Popular Mark Ruffalos
Posted 9:56pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Critic
The definitive list of the most popular Mark Ruffalos in North Dunedin this week Don Hewitt: Divorced, but still has a good relationship with your mum. Weirdly ripped. Runs a landscaping business. Bruce Banner: Obsessed with World War Two history. Sometimes you think he cares more about his Read more...
The Post-Fact World | Issue 11
Posted 9:55pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Critic
If you laid a blue whale in Wembley stadium end to end the game would be cancelled. The shape of Shapes cracker is called a ‘shape shape’ On average a person will eat eight spiders in their life if they like eating spiders The "average person eats 8 spiders a Read more...
Dunedin Flat Names Project | Double The Fun
Posted 9:27pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Sarah Gallagher
One thing I often hear is that students like their flats to have a ‘bit of character’ in their first couple of years flatting. ‘Character’ can often be synonymous with cold or crappy, because toughing it out in an old, cold flat is considered ‘character building,’ Read more...
Critic Blind Date | Shelley and John
Posted 9:26pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Critic
The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz Shelley When Critic’s blind date Read more...
Jägermeister Doesn't Exist
Posted 9:06pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer
There is no such thing as Jägermeister. It does not exist. It is a myth, concocted by a shadowy group within the government for the sole purpose of accustoming the masses to the taste of rat poison, so one day they can feed it to you and KILL YOUR WHOLE FAMILY. Think about it: have you Read more...
How to Know if You Should Take Yourself to the Doctors
Posted 8:28pm Friday 11th May 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport
It’s that time of year. Exams are nigh, Seasonal Affective Disorder is imminent, fruit is about to get so expensive you get scurvy and if you haven’t had chlamydia yet, chances are you might. At this time of year, it is hard to know if you are actually sick (at least if Read more...
ODT Reporter Fired After Failing To Include A Single Pun In 10 Consecutive Stories
Posted 7:29pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic
Otago Daily Times local news reporter Barry O’Barrigan was terminated from his position last Thursday following reports that he had been deliberately and maliciously refusing to include wordplay or puns in any of his story headlines. Editor-In-Chief Barry Stewart pointed out one egregious Read more...
Student Gazes Into The Abyss After Being Asked to “Discuss With the Person Sitting Next to You”
Posted 7:29pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic
It was an ordinary day for Rebecca Milnes. She was sitting in her lecture, floating in and out of sleep, contemplating nothing more than which riceball shop to go to for lunch and whether or not the stranger in front of her has nits. Bliss. Then it all went to shit. “Turn to the person sitting Read more...
Uni To Open 24/7 Bars In All Student Accommodation
Posted 7:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic
In an attempt to prevent students from loitering on the streets at night, Vice-Chancellor Harlene Hayne has announced she will personally install 24/7 bars in all residential colleges, except St Marg’s and Carrington because they are massive nerds. Hayne claimed this move will ensure students Read more...
Local Graphic Designer Pays Rent With Exposure Earned From Latest Job
Posted 7:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic
Dunedin graphic designer Charlotte Troyer is absolutely stoked to be paying her first rent check with all that exposure she earned by providing hours of artwork to a new business. “Yeah, it’s great,” Charlotte told reporters. “The company I did the artwork for said that Read more...
The Post-Fact World | Issue 10
Posted 6:58pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic
The nose is the labrador of the face If you shout loud enough, you can hear your own voice Chalk is grown on the spiky, desert dwelling, chalk plant. This is why it is crumbly, like a desert Apple crumble is also grown in the depths of the desert, that is why it is crumbly like a Read more...
Critic Food Review | The Alternative Meat Co
Posted 5:28pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by David Emanuel
The Alternative Meat Co.’s fake chicken is everything that is wrong with 2018 all mulled into pieces of dense matter that tastes like stale farts and durries. Upon opening the packet of fake chicken you are greeted by what appears to be recycled pieces of Barbara Bush. But after a careful Read more...
The Critic Booze Reviews Guide to Craft Beer
Posted 5:20pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer
Thinking it’s time you grew up and started appreciating the finer things in life? Swilliam Shakesbeer breaks down how to sneak your way into the world of craft beer. Don’t fuck with craft lagers Craft lagers are bullshit. The only reason they exist is for people that Read more...
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