Top 10 Ways to Get in Your Lecturer’s Good Books

1. Argue with them at every opportunity to show that you are a critical thinker and have moxy.

2. Straight up have an affair with them. 

3. Claim to be a relative of their immediate higher-up and demand respect for it.

4. Lurk after class and talk to them all the way back to their office. And then throughout their lunch break. And then on the way to their next class.

5. Tell them “I’m your favourite student” as frequently as possible. Enough times, and they are bound to believe it.

6. Forge their signatures on adoption papers to become their child. Papers last a semester but nepotism is forever.

7. Grab a chair and sit on the other side of their desk, maintaining eye contact throughout the whole lesson. Lecturers love engaged students.

8. Alternatively, never come to class, but send them daily emails. They’ll begin to look for you in the lectures, wondering where you are, missing you.

9. Volunteer to be the Class Rep but only throw social events for the class with the theme “we love [Lecturer’s name]”.

10. Say you’re interested in postgrad.

This article first appeared in Issue 2, 2019.
Posted 7:49pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Critic.