How To Be A Less Shit Cook : Fennel and Beetroot Salad

How To Be A Less Shit Cook : Fennel and Beetroot Salad

It’s round one of flat cooking and you’re stepping up to the plate, literally. What are you gonna cook for your new flatmates? Your culinary reputation is at stake. How about some pasta with a tomato sauce? Congratulations, you’ve just made the culinary equivalent of a black and white striped shirt, a puffer jacket, a pack of Cruisers, and chat consisting of “Pretty lit ayy”. Fuck off on out of here.

Try this on for size instead. Not only tasty, it’s also vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free and should satisfy any weird diet your flatmate is trying this week.  


Fennel and Beetroot Salad

1 Bulb of Fennel

½ a Squash

2 Beetroot (use a fancy variety such as golden or that one with the white rings, if you really want to impress)

2 Tbsp Lemon Juice

1 Tsp Mustard


Salt and Pepper

Olive Oil

1 Spring Onion


Peel off the layers of the fennel bulb and cut each into bite-sized pieces. Keep the leafy top and save for later. Cut the squash and beetroot into chunks and place in a roasting dish. Slosh liberally with olive oil and salt and pepper. Add a fuckbunch of thyme, fresh is best if you can get some from your dealer. Stick that in the oven for about an hour on 200C, or until the fennel is soft when stabbed with a fork. When you get it out of the oven, scoop the veggies into your serving dish. Save the oil from the dish, because if you’ve done this right the thyme and fennel should have infused into the oil. Add the lemon juice and mustard to the oil and mix well. Finely chop the spring onion and the leaves of the fennel that you saved from before and sprinkle over the vegetables. 

Bam! A fancy dinner. You can eat it hot or cold and it makes a great lunch.  

This article first appeared in Issue 2, 2019.
Posted 8:05pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Gordon Oliver.