Archive

Proctology | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Josie Cochrane

“Proctology” begins this week with some good old-fashioned pyromania. The Proctor believes that “running around chasing a friend with an aerosol can and a cigarette lighter trying to light it is not a very good idea. In fact it’s dumb.” The perpetrator has now seen the error of his ways and was Read more...

Editorial | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Sam McChesney

The passage of Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) in 2011 was a very odd time. VSM, to those of you who are unfamiliar, changed the mechanism by which students would join students’ associations. Previously, universities could require students to join the association, and if students wanted to opt Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by M and G

The Dispensary is a hidden Otago Uni gem. The kiosk-style café is tucked in behind Wishbone in the main entrance of Dunedin Hospital and the service is absolutely flawless, with all the staff being friendly and polite. This café is one to go to if you’ve got an early class in Colqhoun or around Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

Welcome back! Got any second semester resolutions? Totes gonna write up notes after every lecture, go for daily runs, make it to every 8am, not pass out from drinking, spend less on chocolate? How about … be a little more green? I don’t mean stock up on buds, I mean little things like not driving Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, Before the break, one of the halls had a bit of a problem with the ol’ scabies mite. In the interest of college confidentiality, I won’t go naming names, but it’s on a hill and full of pretentious bell-ends, which narrows it down to at least four. Scabies (“the itch”) is Read more...

The Loose Guide | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Welcome back, Scarfies. It’s that time of year when, freshly relieved of any responsibilities or parental supervision, you’re probably gonna get plastered. Repeatedly. That’s fine, but remember: a sloppy drunk is a lonely drunk. Here are a few tips to help you keep your cool, avoid embarrassment and Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Whether on a beautiful bluebird Otago day, or a nightmarishly stormy one, the quaint seaside town of Moeraki is worth a visit. Just a smidge this side of Oamaru, on State Highway 1, it’s famous for its large-ish and inconceivably spherical boulders which lie strewn around the beach – grey marbles Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Lovebirds

Michael CeraFirst off, I would like to thank the misfortune of betting against the Germans for bringing me out on what was, well, let’s just say a rather mediocre night. While the mates came round more times than I could count, I somehow managed to be the only one to not have a memorable night. Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Jessica Bromell

Welcome to the second semester of “The More Things Change” – now with more historic events to commemorate as you please. This week, there are some great successes and some even greater failures. 11 July, 1776: Captain Cook set off on his third voyage, an attempt by the Admiralty to find the Read more...

Peter Dunne, Meet Your (Market) Maker

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Jacobin

IPredict.co.nz, the New Zealand news-based stock market, is particularly notable for its explicit endorsement of insider trading, which is illegal in the “real” stock market. This lies behind iPredict’s amazing track record: it’s more accurate than most professional political polling companies. Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Zane Pocock

Now, now, ODT. We know you represent New Zealand’s farmers, but this headline describes a speech given at St. Margaret’s College: Ever resourceful, the “Opinion” section is forging a new route for print media at large with the informatively entitled rant: Meanwhile, our Read more...

Liberty: How to Spot the Fakers

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Guy McCallum

I love liberty. And we all enjoy the benefits of it. As it turns out, whether or not you have a job you can still pay for all the basics even if you do find yourself struggling. And because of liberty, life is more than what you can do from your wallet: in New Zealand you have the freedom to be Read more...

Editorial | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Sam McChesney

Several depressing things occurred over the break. Babe of the Day happened, the Western Black Rhinoceros became extinct, the Cook closed, and there was that thing on Game of Thrones. I could have devoted this editorial to a rant about any one of those occurrences. But then Josh Pemberton Read more...

Proctology | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Zane Pocock

This week, the Proctor had “nothing of note to report.” Critic speculates this has little to do with imminent exams and is rather the direct result of the Proctor’s continued emphasis on taking caution with red cards. Reports of tea parties and board game nights on Castle Street have Read more...

The Leek | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As semester one draws to a close and exams loom ever nearer, many students are torn between excitement over heading home for the break and apprehension over their upcoming finals. Although Otago’s sprawling campus is home to an impressive number of libraries, computer labs, and study centres, this Read more...

Editorial | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

So we’re at the end of the first semester. It’s been quite, um, yeah. I did have an editorial topic in mind for this issue, but my lawyer advised me not to run it. It was too late for rewrites or rethinks, so a redacted version will follow. Recently _ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, People often approach me on the street and say “Dr Nick, you sexy pseudonymous beast of a man, why do you spend all your columns pissing on healthcare users and never on healthcare providers?” This unsolicited pedestrian reflection has a point – whilst there are many issues with Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, public health goes on a real rollercoaster ride. June 2, 1692: Quite unfortunately for her, the first suspect in the Salem witch trials went to court. Records say that she was suspected of witchcraft because she wore black clothing and “odd costumes” and had a coat that had been Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Hannah Twigg

This week, I’m going to teach you how to DO science, bitches. This is something you can do in your own kitchen, not something you have to take an RV into the desert for. This one is super easy, and you should have everything you need already (unless you’re so Scarfie that you don’t even have dish Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

3pm: I selected you from all the specials at New World because my math told me you had the highest standard drink-to-dollar ratio (thanks, NCEA Level One), and it was only polite to ensure that I got the most bang for John Key’s buck. I don’t need to take wine-tasting classes from OUSA to know that Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Do you like interactive touch screens? Free stuff? Old stuff? Artistically-lit stuff? Then look no further than Toitū Otago Settlers Museum, handily located next to other such valuable “Get Out of the Ghetto” locations as the Railway Station and the Farmers’ Market. Toitū Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Jess Cole

Thus begins the saga of Otago citizen Cha’nelle Smith (e-mail: sexiihunii4u@hotmail.com). Delighted at the prospect of nabbing a bargain at Dunedin’s fashion Mecca (maybe even that stylish wee number from Pagani?), she and her best gal-pals made the trip in from South D. “A sale is just what Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Previously, I’ve covered asking people if they’re gay, with the conclusion that it’s not your business. But what happens when it suddenly is? How am I supposed to react when someone asks me if I’m gay? I’m not, but I don’t want to come off as a homophobe when I deny it! You’re right, a Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 2/5 Coffee Cups M and G decided it was necessary when writing a coffee column to visit the institution that is Starbucks, KFC’s “classy” cousin. Dunedin’s branch of this chain of creamy American coffee is located on the corner of George and St Andrews Streets, a prime location for a Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Lovebirds

YOLO BoySigning up to the Critic blind date and committing to a half-marathon all in one week, all in the name of YOLO. I didn’t know which would be worse. After a few Coronas for the nerves, off to Angus I went. A few friends bunkered down in the bar to spy and provide emotional support should my Read more...

Diatribe | Free and Fair?

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Matt Anderson

So, this whole thing started with a friend asking a question. As benign as it may have been, it led to possibly one of the most expletive-filled rants of my life. Given all the attention Fair Trade has been getting on campus a friend with little (read: no) background in business posed this gem: Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Lovebirds

ClarkSo the day had arrived and, much to my surprise, my nerves were at ease, only to kick in later on. I’m not a drinker, so I had to find other ways to calm my nerves. I got ready and dressed up nice. My best friend walked me, and we discussed how I would introduce myself and if I should go in Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! There’s a column that I meant to churn out during our spate of sexual sicknesses, but I’ve been sidetracked by other topics (poo is funny, don’t listen to housewives). This week I was determined to finish off the column about horses and thrush when I saw the ODT article “Therapy Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This is a week of memorable stories, some perhaps more so than others. May 24, 1830: “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” one of probably very few nursery rhymes based on a true story, was first published. Inspired by an incident where a schoolgirl, actually called Mary, took her pet lamb to school with Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

FUCK! Shit shit shit. Ow. Just stubbed my toe. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty clumsy and this happens to me on a regular basis. Swearing is an instinctive reaction to pain, but did you know that it can actually lessen the pain you feel? It’s true – Stephen Fry told me so – and it’s known as Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

I mostly own a cellphone so that I can play Temple Run in class. (I dare you to beat my high score – I. Fucking. Dare. You.) However, I used to be one of those disgusting pre-teens who measured their self-worth based on how many text messages I could send each month. Nothing made me happier than Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

So you’re cool with homos? You’ll fly the rainbow flag? That’s great, but there are a few other colour-combinations that supposedly open-minded people still get hostile about. Why can’t bi people just choose already? Sometimes folk see bisexuality as a kind of “transition” stage, and for Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4/5 Coffee Cups In the midst of red cards and Otago Graduation mania, M and G found time to pop down to Kiki Beware on George Street to see what they had on offer, since they were both pretty stoked when Kiki migrated from their former faraway location up in Roslyn to Dunedin’s main Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

For those who have never made the quad-burning hike past the town belt, who don’t really understand the concept of suburban Dunedin, or who simply have an aversion to leaving the North Dunedin bubble, I’ll let you in on a delicious little secret. Be warned though; it will change the way you spend Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Jess Cole

High drama abounded in North Dunedin this week when union picketers made the foolhardy decision to protest outside Maccas on Sunday afternoon. Evidently, years of fast food retail had not prepared the protestors for the intense grease cravings that accompany the end of the weekend and, as Read more...

The Leek | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As this year’s Capping Show season draws to a close, OUSA executives have been forced to reconsider their rules regarding the permissible subject-matter of the numerous and varied sketches dotted throughout the show. Following a volley of complaints from a number of parents, grandparents, faculty Read more...

Bouncing off the Halls | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Thomas Raethel

Our column this week begins with the tale of a young lady of Cumberland Courts. She challenged herself to engage in what Critic will describe as “French kissing” and “heavy petting” while on a night on the town. This, of course, is a game plan to which a sizeable chunk of Otago University’s clutch Read more...

Editorial | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

Throughout the week, I have been constantly pestered by Frodo*, one of Planet Media’s effervescent account managers, into selling Critic’s contents page to one of his advertising clients. I told him to fuck off, but what Frodo lacks in height, tact, and common sense, he more than makes up for in Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, This week, I want to talk about New Zealand’s Got Talent. Specifically, I want to talk about the odds that the show will actually demonstrate that New Zealand has any talent: bloody shit. Despite the fact nobody talks about pooping, a study by Tarō Gomi showed that Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, fixtures of the modern world are born, and a truly ambitious voyage is undertaken. May 15, 1940: Richard and Maurice McDonald opened their first fast-food restaurant, and probably had no idea that it would end up being such a big deal. A few years later, the guy who sold them their Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

It’s time to talk about personal boundaries, and how to navigate them. I promise, consent can be sexy! Why is it okay for a gay guy to slap a girl’s butt, but not me? First of all, it’s not okay for anyone to slap anyone else’s butt if it makes them uncomfortable. If a girl is comfortable Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4/5 Coffee Cups While sauntering through the mall M and G were drawn to the eclectic hub of Marbecks in Wall Street. After perusing the jazzy selection of music and literature on offer, they decided to hit up the café in the corner, as M had a free coffee to redeem. Marbecks is Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Noel Jhinku

The oceans cover most of the Earth, so arguably it could be called Planet Ocean, right? It contains 99% of the living space on Earth, covers nearly 71% of the planet’s surface, provides about 50% of our oxygen, and gives us 20% of the world’s protein. Yet we’ve explored less than 10% of its Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

I have two assignments due tomorrow, so naturally I decided to write my column instead. Ha! Fuck you, university. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And the rest of us say FUCK OFF and watch videos of sloths online. I watched one today that had baby sloths getting shaved, lathered in Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Aramoana is more than just the site of New Zealand’s deadliest criminal shooting (how’s that for a tempting opener?). If you’d like the details of that particularly gruesome and disturbing event, detailing the massacre of 13 Aramoana residents by AN UNEMPLOYED GUN COLLECTOR in 1990, watch the movie Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Jamie Breen

C ritic had only one issue of the odt to work with this week. for some reason, our supply of papers has dried up somewhat in recent days. Perhaps the result of some kind of toilet paper shortage resulting in the emergency redirection of bundles of Dunedin’s second-favourite rag, Critic expects the Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Lovebirds

HillaryI knew when my date didn’t want to stay to finish the bar tab that things hadn’t gone well – but I figured that, since I had endured well over an hour of his appalling chat and pointless conversation, I might as well make the most of the free drinks and drown my sorrows. He had told Read more...

Proctology | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Zane Pocock

“A number of our University departments have tea, bikkies and cakes in their tea rooms,” the Proctor kicked off this week, “and they noticed that these were going faster than normal.” After obtaining in-house CCTV shots of lone figure pilfering the delicacies, Campus Watch heard a shower Read more...

The Leek | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As the three-month-long duck-shooting season commences for 2013, hunters across the nation are heading out in anticipation of another good haul. This popular recreational pursuit has long been an autumn tradition for locals and tourists alike –every year, New Zealand welcomes tens of visitors who Read more...

Bouncing off the Halls | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Thomas Raethel

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the much-venerated “Bouncing off the Halls” column began a prolonged hiatus in October 2011. For those unfamiliar with the column, it served as a weekly summary of unsavoury acts in student hostels throughout Dunedin. Thankfully, Critic has elected to resurrect the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

So here I am again, filling in for another editorial. No sooner had I walked out the Critic door than I was abruptly yanked back through it, sustaining slight damage to my right rotator cuff in the process. No matter; the role’s sex appeal makes its menial pay and questionable social value Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Lovebirds

NedI gave my permission for my flatmate to email Critic and plead my case for a chance at love and to break my extensive dry spell. On the night of the date I got dressed to the nines and nailed a bottle of wine to calm my nerves. My overly-excited flatmates dropped me off in the mechanical Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Dunedin is not just a Scarfie mecca of couch-burning occasions, Hyde St shenanigans, bars with floors so sticky you can’t even dance, and ten-day long spells of rain. Ho no! It has a secret cultural underbelly of which many young students are not aware. Down towards (and beyond) the Octagon, things Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Jess Cole

It was all puns and pictures in the last week of the ODT, beginning with this unfortunately titled misplaced photo. The intended photo was meant to be of a helicopter pilot and his wife, but somehow the mix-up managed to slip through the eagle-eyed attention of the editors, who Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Being an old man with a prostate the size of a beachball, I find it difficult to celebrate birthdays. Once you pass 21 they’re just reminders of the inevitable march towards death upon which we are quickly forgotten, relegated to fleeting thoughts scattered through the years. Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, people everywhere disagree with each other. Results vary. 9 May, 1671: In an act of defiance against the English government, a guy called Thomas Blood dressed up as a clergyman and tried to steal the Crown Jewels. He’d already gotten into trouble for attempting to kidnap and Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

I wish to attract all the hotties. I need to be an Alpha Male. How do I achieve this status? I think that gorillas have alphas, or “silverbacks,” so let’s use our ape brethren as an example. In order to become a silverback, one must be old – old enough to have grey back hair. They make important Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4.5/5 Coffee Cups Smack-bang in the middle of George Street lies Modaks Espresso, a Dunedin student institution. This alty two-roomed café has a seriously nostalgic feel with crochet blankets, retro kitsch decor, and vintage Atari arcade games. Modaks is a little slice of Wellington Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

Oh man, I just walked into a spider-web! Gross! Or fashion? While some runway fashion may look like the model just escaped from Shelob’s giant spider web, scientists are taking that idea a bit further. I’m sure you’ve heard that spider silk is way stronger than steel – the only reason you can Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time at 4am, I was in McDonald’s for some late-night chicken nugs and I saw a girl pee her pants. I literally had lingering eye contact with this chick as urine ran down her leg, and then I helpfully pointed to the puddle at her feet and told her that she had Read more...

The Leek | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Following the graduation ceremony at Dunedin’s Town Hall this weekend, the University of Otago has officially rescinded the degrees awarded to a number of graduands of Arts and Commerce. The graduation ceremony, while by no means intended to be a completely staid event throughout, has long Read more...

Editorial | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Callum Fredric

IntroductionLast year, the Ministry of Social Development released its flagship White Paper for Vulnerable Children, containing a raft of recommendations for protecting New Zealand children who are at risk of poverty, neglect, and abuse. Now, the Ministry of Misopedia has been tasked with a Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Lovebirds

JoffreyI had a quick drink before I decided to head off for Angus, turns out it took 30 mins exactly. I walked in, spoke with the staff, sat at the bar and started on the tab. When my date came in we exchanged names, and soon after I realised I had forgotten hers already. I decided the better move Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

The Dunedin Farmers Market is such a stalwart event of weekly awesomeness and deliciousness that I wouldn’t have thought that it even needs introduction. But it seems that this Saturday morning ritual goes on under many Otago students’ oblivious noses. Early each Saturday, under the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Jamie Breen

In front page news, a Queenstown bouncer tells us that it’s not a crime when you’ve gotten away with something before. Seems legit. More from the front page: A beautiful and inspiring story of a lost goldfish returning to its tank. Now appropriately named “Lucky,” the fish was found Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Right! STIs part three: no time for foreplay – let’s just dive right in. Then out. Then in again. Then out. Then pause for a breather. Then in again. Gonorrhoea:Annual number of cases in NZ (20-24yrs): 306 per 100,000 people (0.31%) As common as: Sharing a birthday with the Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week in history, some new places are confirmed to exist, and forensic science becomes a thing. 30 April, 1492: After two years of negotiations with the Spanish government, Christopher Columbus received his commission of exploration. He then sailed off to Central and South America and Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Becoming sexually active comes with a few physical issues, but it’s emotional ramifications that can feel like the biggest deal. This week is all about virginity, the loss of it, and why it’s only as important as you make it out to be. Is losing my virginity a big deal? People say it’s a Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by M and G

While strolling through the Octagon, M and G spied some eye-talian looking wicker tables and chairs between Ra Bar and The Craic. They curiously stumbled into Thistle like Edmond and Lucy into Narnia. The quiet café had a peaceful air with an enormous glitzy chandelier, polished wood, and Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Hannah Twigg

So, what comes to mind when you first think of genetic engineering? Crazy mutant fish with three eyes and wings? Mutated food that will turn you into half a plant when you eat it? Or maybe you think of evil businesses that rip off other farmers. Well, let’s clarify a few things. I wish I could tell Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

We all do weird shit during exam time. If your study regime includes eating copious amounts of tuna and drinking five triple-shot long blacks per day, by all means, continue. If you spend this week’s grocery money on pens from Smiggle because frankly Bic biros are balls, I understand this too. We Read more...

Love Online | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Hey girl how was your new years n christmas? HOpe u ddnt get upto too much mischif hehe Anyways im new here just having a nosey as im off work till 14 january so thougt id come here c if i can meet someone nice i could get to know n chill with have a laugh with, go for a drive at 1am to get Read more...

The Leek | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

In a startling exposé, conservationists observing the elusive Otago Scarfie have revealed that this species may be teetering on the brink of extinction. Results of an in-depth study carried out over the past three months have caused scientists to place Otago Scarfies on the “critically endangered” Read more...

Proctology | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Josie Cochrane

Proctology’s Hyde Street Special begins with a marketing student who attempted to gain work experience at Hyde Street after she ordered a batch of green wristbands online to sell for entry. Police were informed, intercepted the courier and subsequently delivered the wristbands to the girl’s house Read more...

Editorial | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

As you may have noticed, the cover of this week’s Critic is adorned with the mugshot of a criminal. He probably stole some pharmaceuticals. Damn that’s a smooth segue. Let’s talk pharmaceuticals. Not in the context of ranting about Big Pharma and how they’re conspiring to get the world Read more...

Love Online | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Tunnel Beach is Dunedin’s best worst-kept secret. It’s one of those places that makes every local nod if you ask them about it. Magically, though, Tunnel Beach never attracts the tourist hordes like St. Clair or even Sandfly Bay. The beach is located around eight kilometres from the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Jess Cole

This week, the ODT essentially calls a world-renowned vet a sheep shagger. Meanwhile, things were “heating up” (lolzz) in Cromwell when the volunteer fire brigade was pulled out of the pub to attend to a patch of grass. But the action didn’t stop there, with the Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Last week we talked about how men’s members measure up, shedding some light on what an “average” dick actually is. And while, much like a Health Sci, we tried to dress it up in a lab coat and pretend it was medically relevant, it was ultimately a column stating “It’s not the Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, records and computers go bad, but the Internet does all right. 23 April 1564: William Shakespeare was allegedly born. The exact date of his birth isn’t known, because somebody in the eighteenth century wrote their records down wrong, but he was baptised on the 26th so people Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Young people struggle with identity issues. Things would be much easier if humans were hive-minded beings of singular purpose (probably galactic conquest), but we aren’t. We are billions of young and often directionless moulds, which is why our Facebook “inspirational people” are actually kind of Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by M and G

2/5 Coffee Cups After the vodka, gin, jelly shots, scrumpy, Pulse, and beer of Hyde Street keg party, M and G needed a coffee and a pie to rinse away the regret of the day. Early on Sunday morning, they crawled into the car and drove around until they found themselves at the BP on the way to Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Bryony Leeke

It’s time for a column about evolution. Don’t worry, I’m not going to preach about the problem with creationism – that debate has been going on for years, and by this point most people know evolution is real, and a few will never be convinced otherwise. Aside from the occasional “Challenge to Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Elsie Stone

Lectures can be pretty dicey – they force a room full of strangers to tolerate each other for hours at a time. Some of us are happy, most of us are pissed off. Some of us are actually listening to what the lecturer says, most of us are doing more important things (like sleeping). The potential for Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Angus Restaurant / Moon Bar and ply them with alcohol and food (in that order), then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. if this Read more...

Failient | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Callum Fredric

The title of this week’s Salient was “Offensive?” The answer was a resounding “No.” Nothing in this issue offended anyone. Attached is a list of mild, inoffensive content: 1) Crass sexual jokes about Christians, specifically: nuns. About as edgy as ripping out Rebecca Black or the Westboro Read more...

The Leek | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

With a startlingly low nine arrests made by Dunedin police at this year’s Hyde Street Keg Party compared to last year’s 15, it appears that students have really cleaned up their act under threat of discontinuance of Hyde Streets for years to come. Or have they? After talking with the gallant police Read more...

Editorial | Issue 08

Posted 5:13pm Sunday 21st April 2013 by Callum Fredric

8.30am – Arrived at Allpress for all-important coffee. Refused to reveal who wrote the “Cutest Barista in the World” letter in Issue 06. Critic always protects its sources. 9am – Downed some beers and novelty shots outside Leith Liquor with the Critic team to “take the edge off.” Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

ClydeI was already a few beers down when I arrived at Moon Bar. As I sat down, the girl across the table from me was no moonface – she had flowing raven hair, and was looking sexy and sophisticated in a dark blue winter coat and chesnut Italian leather ankle boots. I knew immediately that I wanted Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! It’s a subject that we talk about all the time, but never actually discuss: tiny todgers. Judging by word of mouth, all men have a larger-than-average dick. This makes me wonder when the hell a members’ bill was passed redefining the word “average” to something other than what Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week one of the better-remembered Kings of England takes the throne, which makes up for not much else actually happening. 21 April, 1509: The 18-year-old Henry VIII ascended to the throne of England and started causing trouble. His first order of business was to change his mind about who Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Why are some LGBT against gay marriage? Some of them commented on my Facebook red equals sign DP saying they didn’t like it. The Facebook “paint the town red” marriage equality thing was a Human Rights Campaign initiative, which is why your more sceptical liberal might not be on board. The Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by M and G

The Good Oil is like a female PE student. Her exterior has some seriously good assets that make you really want to come inside, but soon you discover just how thick and douchey she is and decide you have no time for her. This basically describes M and G’s relationship with the not-so-Good Oil. Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

It just got bloody cold. It’s dark when you wake up. The assignments are piling up. Mid-semesters are looming. Do you have the winter blues? Surprise! It’s a real thing. Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) is a form of depression that hits about 6% of people every winter, especially in places with Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

#1. The issue with snacks in the library is that the sound of other people eating is one of the most aggravating noises in the world. The sound of crinkling wrappers or an apple crunching stirs a very dark rage in the core of my being. But snacktime is also the best meal ever invented (apart from Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

You don’t need me to tell you that New Zealand is beautiful. Everyone from Prince Charles to Bear Grylls can tell you as much. But just because you grew up here and you occasionally holiday in the Coromandel doesn’t mean you’ve truly appreciated New Zealand’s crazy-good nature bits. So, during your Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Jess Cole

As any keen cunthunter in Monkey can attest, getting it in two holes is indeed fortunate. Later, the ODT celebrated the cultural submergence of some singing students, despite the fact that a visit to the Chinese Gardens prepares you for Beijing like NCEA prepares you for the real Read more...

Love Online | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Critic created a female internet dating profile expecting a low standard of suavity. But not even we could be prepared for the barrage of sheer ineptitude that followed, each new suitor representing a new nadir in the evolution of mankind. This column is a word-for-word transcript of an Read more...

Failient | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

1) Salient’s sixth issue was on the theme of “Communication”. So when they devoted two full pages to an interview with a guy who gave a masterclass in how to use lot of words to say absolutely nothing, maybe it was an attempt at irony. Sample answer: “If you recognise the sacredness of every Read more...

The Leek | Issue 07

Posted 5:49pm Sunday 14th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Across the nation this week, supermarkets, grocery stores, dairies, and even the more extensively stocked gas stations have experienced a crippling shortage of eggs. Finding repeatedly that their egg orders were not being filled, some stockists became simultaneously incensed and curious, and Read more...