Archive

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 17

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 28th July 2013 by Dr. Nick

Those of you who aren’t studying some faggy arts degree like philosophy probably had exams before the mid-year break. In the build-up to those exams, you might have undergone what is medically referred to as “shitting bricks.” The anxiety, the stress, the fear – they’re all natural responses to the Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 17

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 28th July 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

“Oh, how nice to see a familiar face!” Maybe that’s something your grandma said, but I’m sure it’s something we’ve all experienced. And it’s a good feeling, right? Unless they’re a dick, of course. Humans just love familiarity. It makes sense, evolution-wise: the people you know tend to be Read more...

The Loose Guide | Issue 17

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 28th July 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

There are probably a number of reasons why some of you hate going to class – early starts, yawn-worthy material and the droning voice of your lecturer can be enough to scare off the best of us. What the majority don’t realise is that there may be just one simple barrier between you and enjoyment of Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 17

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 28th July 2013 by M and G

Rating: 3.5/5 When marching across the museum lawn early in the morning trying to focus your foggy brain on not getting lost in the Archway lecture block, the Museum Café may go unnoticed. However, taking up the majority of the Otago Museum foyer, it is a delightful coffee shop. The Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 17

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 28th July 2013 by Lovebirds

CrocodileI signed up to get a feed and A bar tab – and who knows, she could be pretty good-looking, right? Luckily she was (albeit fairly pissed, as was expected really). Some signs are better than others – introducing yourself twice in the same sentence isn’t great, but hey, I forgot her name Read more...

Proctology | Issue 17

Posted 4:45pm Sunday 28th July 2013 by Jamie Breen

“Think a bit before you do these dumb things.” – the Proctor, every interview ever. This week in “Proctology” is uneventful. According to the Proctor, “everyone’s been pretty good.” The only reason for this would be the cold weather and the ensuing lack of general motivation. Having said Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Trains are awesome. This might explain why so many people have weird obsessions with them. Irvine Welsh was one; he wrote a whole collection of short stories in heavy-going Glaswegian prose and called it Trainspotting (not actually sure why, as unless “heroin addict” is a weirdly-unrelated term for Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4/5 Located across the road from Brunch ‘N’ Lunch on Frederick Street, this roastery headquarters should be the first port of call for those keen for a takeaway coffee around the Grange/ Leith/ Frederick Streets area. Behind the mysterious exterior lies a cosy café and store filled Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Bryony Leeke

This week, we’re bringing our scientific slant to the evolution of human sexual behaviours. It’s obvious that some of our sexual behaviours are different to those seen in most animals, so how did this come about? Does size actually matter? Humans certainly sport larger penises relative to Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Dr. Nick

According to Alanis Morissette, irony is like rain on your wedding day. In that sense, cancer is quite ironic: it is an unfortunate thing to happen, but completely unrelated to the literary technique that highlights the incongruity of the assumed nature and the underlying reality of things. What is Read more...

The Loose Guide | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

The recent snowfalls and generally icy weather conditions in our humble burgh have shed light on the gripping reality that Dunedinites aren’t prepared to deal with anything more serious than sleet. Situated at a latitude of almost 46° south, Dunedin somehow still manages to act surprised when snow Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Lovebirds

FloTo be honest, I wasn’t expecting much from the night. The likelihood of a decent guy signing up for the blind date was small. So my flatmates and I spent the trip making plans for how to get me out of there in case I ended up with a boring guy in it for the free meal, or some creep just out for a Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, numbers abound and humanity attempts to advance – to varying degrees of success. July 22, 1587: The second group of English settlers arrived at Roanoke Colony in the US in an attempt to establish a permanent settlement, and this was pretty much the last anyone in England ever heard Read more...

These Assholes Always Get Away … But Only For So Long | Opinion

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Jacobin

As I write this column it is Bastille Day in France. Bastille Day is a celebration for anyone proud of the French Republic and what it stands for; or, more accurately, what the French Republic stands on, namely the dead bodies of kings and tyrants. After deliberative options had been exhausted, the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Jess Cole

In what had the potential to provide relief for anyone traumatised by Chucky or any of its incarnations, Tuesday’s headlines promised: Unfortunately, one of the biggest news stories of the week instead covered a doll auction accompanied by one of its creepiest images to date. Read more...

VSM: A New, Stronger OUSA | Opinion

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Guy McCallum

Critic editor Sam McChesney refreshes some fond memories of mine in his editorial of 15 July. It was about that old political hatchet of yesteryear: Voluntary Student Membership. His “where are they now” analysis of students’ associations since VSM reminds me that a lot was left unsaid, or at least Read more...

Editorial | Issue 16

Posted 3:59pm Sunday 21st July 2013 by Sam McChesney

Religion in general, and Catholicism in particular, has rarely had anything useful to say on the subject of vaginas. Now, I’m no expert on the topic. For the most part, I know what to do with one (heyyy), but I’d still classify myself more as an “amateur enthusiast” than as a full-blown pro. But new Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Hannah Twigg

I know more than a few students who keep up to date with the newest technology, be it the Samsung Galaxy S4 or the iPhone 5. These phones, while larger than the crappy Nokia you had before you switched, keep getting smaller and thinner each time (with a few notable exceptions – I’m looking at you, Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Dr. Nick

To the two-thirds of you reading this in a lecture: take a pen and scribble out the “Dr.” in the “Dr. Nick” – this week I want to speak as a pleb. The other third: just cover the “Dr.” with your thumb or something; don’t go hunting for any makeshift ink in the library toilets. The reason I Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by M and G

Rating: 0.5/5 Located in the centre of the link, Café Albany is the closest café for those in Central who don’t want to leave the building. Just like fresher tramps, their main action comes from people desperate for a quick fix and those who don’t know any better. The service at Read more...

The Loose Guide | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

For the better part of your lives, most of you have been labouring under the delusion that you are in control of your TV set and that it exists only to serve you. You would be wrong. Every time you switch on that attention-seeking slab of circuitry, you relinquish control of your thoughts, desires Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Lovebirds

AshtonThe lads and I had the night planned quite a way out, just waiting for the right moment to reveal that we had secretly nominated one of the boys to partake in the renowned Critic blind date. When future Romeo found out about this he wouldn’t believe it, no matter how many times we all Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, there is as much violence and mystery as you could want on a Monday morning. July 19, 64 AD: The Great Fire of Rome started, and no one knows how. One of the more sensationalist rumours was that Nero, the Emperor at the time, had started the fire so he could rebuild the city the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Jack Montgomerie

Emile and Dave were feeling chatty this week, apparently hoping the page would get their readers talking. The horoscope section had this to say: Nice try, Harlene. If you’re going to abbrev’, use the odd ‘postrophe. In our political system, Read more...

A Labour of Equality | Opinion

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Guy McCallum

The Labour Party wants the option of banning men from standing in certain electorates – a bizarre stunt to give life to the wearied governing parties. What becomes obvious, sadly, is that Labour is not so sure what equality is, or what is actually more important. It also gives me a reason to Read more...

Proctology | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Josie Cochrane

“Proctology” begins this week with some good old-fashioned pyromania. The Proctor believes that “running around chasing a friend with an aerosol can and a cigarette lighter trying to light it is not a very good idea. In fact it’s dumb.” The perpetrator has now seen the error of his ways and was Read more...

Editorial | Issue 15

Posted 8:23pm Sunday 14th July 2013 by Sam McChesney

The passage of Voluntary Student Membership (VSM) in 2011 was a very odd time. VSM, to those of you who are unfamiliar, changed the mechanism by which students would join students’ associations. Previously, universities could require students to join the association, and if students wanted to opt Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by M and G

The Dispensary is a hidden Otago Uni gem. The kiosk-style café is tucked in behind Wishbone in the main entrance of Dunedin Hospital and the service is absolutely flawless, with all the staff being friendly and polite. This café is one to go to if you’ve got an early class in Colqhoun or around Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

Welcome back! Got any second semester resolutions? Totes gonna write up notes after every lecture, go for daily runs, make it to every 8am, not pass out from drinking, spend less on chocolate? How about … be a little more green? I don’t mean stock up on buds, I mean little things like not driving Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, Before the break, one of the halls had a bit of a problem with the ol’ scabies mite. In the interest of college confidentiality, I won’t go naming names, but it’s on a hill and full of pretentious bell-ends, which narrows it down to at least four. Scabies (“the itch”) is Read more...

The Loose Guide | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Welcome back, Scarfies. It’s that time of year when, freshly relieved of any responsibilities or parental supervision, you’re probably gonna get plastered. Repeatedly. That’s fine, but remember: a sloppy drunk is a lonely drunk. Here are a few tips to help you keep your cool, avoid embarrassment and Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Whether on a beautiful bluebird Otago day, or a nightmarishly stormy one, the quaint seaside town of Moeraki is worth a visit. Just a smidge this side of Oamaru, on State Highway 1, it’s famous for its large-ish and inconceivably spherical boulders which lie strewn around the beach – grey marbles Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Lovebirds

Michael CeraFirst off, I would like to thank the misfortune of betting against the Germans for bringing me out on what was, well, let’s just say a rather mediocre night. While the mates came round more times than I could count, I somehow managed to be the only one to not have a memorable night. Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Jessica Bromell

Welcome to the second semester of “The More Things Change” – now with more historic events to commemorate as you please. This week, there are some great successes and some even greater failures. 11 July, 1776: Captain Cook set off on his third voyage, an attempt by the Admiralty to find the Read more...

Peter Dunne, Meet Your (Market) Maker

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Jacobin

IPredict.co.nz, the New Zealand news-based stock market, is particularly notable for its explicit endorsement of insider trading, which is illegal in the “real” stock market. This lies behind iPredict’s amazing track record: it’s more accurate than most professional political polling companies. Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Zane Pocock

Now, now, ODT. We know you represent New Zealand’s farmers, but this headline describes a speech given at St. Margaret’s College: Ever resourceful, the “Opinion” section is forging a new route for print media at large with the informatively entitled rant: Meanwhile, our Read more...

Liberty: How to Spot the Fakers

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Guy McCallum

I love liberty. And we all enjoy the benefits of it. As it turns out, whether or not you have a job you can still pay for all the basics even if you do find yourself struggling. And because of liberty, life is more than what you can do from your wallet: in New Zealand you have the freedom to be Read more...

Editorial | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Sam McChesney

Several depressing things occurred over the break. Babe of the Day happened, the Western Black Rhinoceros became extinct, the Cook closed, and there was that thing on Game of Thrones. I could have devoted this editorial to a rant about any one of those occurrences. But then Josh Pemberton Read more...

Proctology | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Zane Pocock

This week, the Proctor had “nothing of note to report.” Critic speculates this has little to do with imminent exams and is rather the direct result of the Proctor’s continued emphasis on taking caution with red cards. Reports of tea parties and board game nights on Castle Street have Read more...

The Leek | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As semester one draws to a close and exams loom ever nearer, many students are torn between excitement over heading home for the break and apprehension over their upcoming finals. Although Otago’s sprawling campus is home to an impressive number of libraries, computer labs, and study centres, this Read more...

Editorial | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

So we’re at the end of the first semester. It’s been quite, um, yeah. I did have an editorial topic in mind for this issue, but my lawyer advised me not to run it. It was too late for rewrites or rethinks, so a redacted version will follow. Recently _ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, People often approach me on the street and say “Dr Nick, you sexy pseudonymous beast of a man, why do you spend all your columns pissing on healthcare users and never on healthcare providers?” This unsolicited pedestrian reflection has a point – whilst there are many issues with Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, public health goes on a real rollercoaster ride. June 2, 1692: Quite unfortunately for her, the first suspect in the Salem witch trials went to court. Records say that she was suspected of witchcraft because she wore black clothing and “odd costumes” and had a coat that had been Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Hannah Twigg

This week, I’m going to teach you how to DO science, bitches. This is something you can do in your own kitchen, not something you have to take an RV into the desert for. This one is super easy, and you should have everything you need already (unless you’re so Scarfie that you don’t even have dish Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

3pm: I selected you from all the specials at New World because my math told me you had the highest standard drink-to-dollar ratio (thanks, NCEA Level One), and it was only polite to ensure that I got the most bang for John Key’s buck. I don’t need to take wine-tasting classes from OUSA to know that Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Do you like interactive touch screens? Free stuff? Old stuff? Artistically-lit stuff? Then look no further than Toitū Otago Settlers Museum, handily located next to other such valuable “Get Out of the Ghetto” locations as the Railway Station and the Farmers’ Market. Toitū Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Jess Cole

Thus begins the saga of Otago citizen Cha’nelle Smith (e-mail: sexiihunii4u@hotmail.com). Delighted at the prospect of nabbing a bargain at Dunedin’s fashion Mecca (maybe even that stylish wee number from Pagani?), she and her best gal-pals made the trip in from South D. “A sale is just what Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Previously, I’ve covered asking people if they’re gay, with the conclusion that it’s not your business. But what happens when it suddenly is? How am I supposed to react when someone asks me if I’m gay? I’m not, but I don’t want to come off as a homophobe when I deny it! You’re right, a Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 2/5 Coffee Cups M and G decided it was necessary when writing a coffee column to visit the institution that is Starbucks, KFC’s “classy” cousin. Dunedin’s branch of this chain of creamy American coffee is located on the corner of George and St Andrews Streets, a prime location for a Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Lovebirds

YOLO BoySigning up to the Critic blind date and committing to a half-marathon all in one week, all in the name of YOLO. I didn’t know which would be worse. After a few Coronas for the nerves, off to Angus I went. A few friends bunkered down in the bar to spy and provide emotional support should my Read more...

Diatribe | Free and Fair?

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Matt Anderson

So, this whole thing started with a friend asking a question. As benign as it may have been, it led to possibly one of the most expletive-filled rants of my life. Given all the attention Fair Trade has been getting on campus a friend with little (read: no) background in business posed this gem: Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Lovebirds

ClarkSo the day had arrived and, much to my surprise, my nerves were at ease, only to kick in later on. I’m not a drinker, so I had to find other ways to calm my nerves. I got ready and dressed up nice. My best friend walked me, and we discussed how I would introduce myself and if I should go in Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! There’s a column that I meant to churn out during our spate of sexual sicknesses, but I’ve been sidetracked by other topics (poo is funny, don’t listen to housewives). This week I was determined to finish off the column about horses and thrush when I saw the ODT article “Therapy Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This is a week of memorable stories, some perhaps more so than others. May 24, 1830: “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” one of probably very few nursery rhymes based on a true story, was first published. Inspired by an incident where a schoolgirl, actually called Mary, took her pet lamb to school with Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

FUCK! Shit shit shit. Ow. Just stubbed my toe. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty clumsy and this happens to me on a regular basis. Swearing is an instinctive reaction to pain, but did you know that it can actually lessen the pain you feel? It’s true – Stephen Fry told me so – and it’s known as Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

I mostly own a cellphone so that I can play Temple Run in class. (I dare you to beat my high score – I. Fucking. Dare. You.) However, I used to be one of those disgusting pre-teens who measured their self-worth based on how many text messages I could send each month. Nothing made me happier than Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

So you’re cool with homos? You’ll fly the rainbow flag? That’s great, but there are a few other colour-combinations that supposedly open-minded people still get hostile about. Why can’t bi people just choose already? Sometimes folk see bisexuality as a kind of “transition” stage, and for Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4/5 Coffee Cups In the midst of red cards and Otago Graduation mania, M and G found time to pop down to Kiki Beware on George Street to see what they had on offer, since they were both pretty stoked when Kiki migrated from their former faraway location up in Roslyn to Dunedin’s main Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

For those who have never made the quad-burning hike past the town belt, who don’t really understand the concept of suburban Dunedin, or who simply have an aversion to leaving the North Dunedin bubble, I’ll let you in on a delicious little secret. Be warned though; it will change the way you spend Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Jess Cole

High drama abounded in North Dunedin this week when union picketers made the foolhardy decision to protest outside Maccas on Sunday afternoon. Evidently, years of fast food retail had not prepared the protestors for the intense grease cravings that accompany the end of the weekend and, as Read more...

The Leek | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As this year’s Capping Show season draws to a close, OUSA executives have been forced to reconsider their rules regarding the permissible subject-matter of the numerous and varied sketches dotted throughout the show. Following a volley of complaints from a number of parents, grandparents, faculty Read more...

Bouncing off the Halls | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Thomas Raethel

Our column this week begins with the tale of a young lady of Cumberland Courts. She challenged herself to engage in what Critic will describe as “French kissing” and “heavy petting” while on a night on the town. This, of course, is a game plan to which a sizeable chunk of Otago University’s clutch Read more...

Editorial | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

Throughout the week, I have been constantly pestered by Frodo*, one of Planet Media’s effervescent account managers, into selling Critic’s contents page to one of his advertising clients. I told him to fuck off, but what Frodo lacks in height, tact, and common sense, he more than makes up for in Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, This week, I want to talk about New Zealand’s Got Talent. Specifically, I want to talk about the odds that the show will actually demonstrate that New Zealand has any talent: bloody shit. Despite the fact nobody talks about pooping, a study by Tarō Gomi showed that Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, fixtures of the modern world are born, and a truly ambitious voyage is undertaken. May 15, 1940: Richard and Maurice McDonald opened their first fast-food restaurant, and probably had no idea that it would end up being such a big deal. A few years later, the guy who sold them their Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

It’s time to talk about personal boundaries, and how to navigate them. I promise, consent can be sexy! Why is it okay for a gay guy to slap a girl’s butt, but not me? First of all, it’s not okay for anyone to slap anyone else’s butt if it makes them uncomfortable. If a girl is comfortable Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4/5 Coffee Cups While sauntering through the mall M and G were drawn to the eclectic hub of Marbecks in Wall Street. After perusing the jazzy selection of music and literature on offer, they decided to hit up the café in the corner, as M had a free coffee to redeem. Marbecks is Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Noel Jhinku

The oceans cover most of the Earth, so arguably it could be called Planet Ocean, right? It contains 99% of the living space on Earth, covers nearly 71% of the planet’s surface, provides about 50% of our oxygen, and gives us 20% of the world’s protein. Yet we’ve explored less than 10% of its Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

I have two assignments due tomorrow, so naturally I decided to write my column instead. Ha! Fuck you, university. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And the rest of us say FUCK OFF and watch videos of sloths online. I watched one today that had baby sloths getting shaved, lathered in Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Aramoana is more than just the site of New Zealand’s deadliest criminal shooting (how’s that for a tempting opener?). If you’d like the details of that particularly gruesome and disturbing event, detailing the massacre of 13 Aramoana residents by AN UNEMPLOYED GUN COLLECTOR in 1990, watch the movie Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Jamie Breen

C ritic had only one issue of the odt to work with this week. for some reason, our supply of papers has dried up somewhat in recent days. Perhaps the result of some kind of toilet paper shortage resulting in the emergency redirection of bundles of Dunedin’s second-favourite rag, Critic expects the Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Lovebirds

HillaryI knew when my date didn’t want to stay to finish the bar tab that things hadn’t gone well – but I figured that, since I had endured well over an hour of his appalling chat and pointless conversation, I might as well make the most of the free drinks and drown my sorrows. He had told Read more...

Proctology | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Zane Pocock

“A number of our University departments have tea, bikkies and cakes in their tea rooms,” the Proctor kicked off this week, “and they noticed that these were going faster than normal.” After obtaining in-house CCTV shots of lone figure pilfering the delicacies, Campus Watch heard a shower Read more...

The Leek | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As the three-month-long duck-shooting season commences for 2013, hunters across the nation are heading out in anticipation of another good haul. This popular recreational pursuit has long been an autumn tradition for locals and tourists alike –every year, New Zealand welcomes tens of visitors who Read more...

Bouncing off the Halls | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Thomas Raethel

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the much-venerated “Bouncing off the Halls” column began a prolonged hiatus in October 2011. For those unfamiliar with the column, it served as a weekly summary of unsavoury acts in student hostels throughout Dunedin. Thankfully, Critic has elected to resurrect the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

So here I am again, filling in for another editorial. No sooner had I walked out the Critic door than I was abruptly yanked back through it, sustaining slight damage to my right rotator cuff in the process. No matter; the role’s sex appeal makes its menial pay and questionable social value Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Lovebirds

NedI gave my permission for my flatmate to email Critic and plead my case for a chance at love and to break my extensive dry spell. On the night of the date I got dressed to the nines and nailed a bottle of wine to calm my nerves. My overly-excited flatmates dropped me off in the mechanical Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Dunedin is not just a Scarfie mecca of couch-burning occasions, Hyde St shenanigans, bars with floors so sticky you can’t even dance, and ten-day long spells of rain. Ho no! It has a secret cultural underbelly of which many young students are not aware. Down towards (and beyond) the Octagon, things Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Jess Cole

It was all puns and pictures in the last week of the ODT, beginning with this unfortunately titled misplaced photo. The intended photo was meant to be of a helicopter pilot and his wife, but somehow the mix-up managed to slip through the eagle-eyed attention of the editors, who Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Being an old man with a prostate the size of a beachball, I find it difficult to celebrate birthdays. Once you pass 21 they’re just reminders of the inevitable march towards death upon which we are quickly forgotten, relegated to fleeting thoughts scattered through the years. Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, people everywhere disagree with each other. Results vary. 9 May, 1671: In an act of defiance against the English government, a guy called Thomas Blood dressed up as a clergyman and tried to steal the Crown Jewels. He’d already gotten into trouble for attempting to kidnap and Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

I wish to attract all the hotties. I need to be an Alpha Male. How do I achieve this status? I think that gorillas have alphas, or “silverbacks,” so let’s use our ape brethren as an example. In order to become a silverback, one must be old – old enough to have grey back hair. They make important Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4.5/5 Coffee Cups Smack-bang in the middle of George Street lies Modaks Espresso, a Dunedin student institution. This alty two-roomed café has a seriously nostalgic feel with crochet blankets, retro kitsch decor, and vintage Atari arcade games. Modaks is a little slice of Wellington Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

Oh man, I just walked into a spider-web! Gross! Or fashion? While some runway fashion may look like the model just escaped from Shelob’s giant spider web, scientists are taking that idea a bit further. I’m sure you’ve heard that spider silk is way stronger than steel – the only reason you can Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time at 4am, I was in McDonald’s for some late-night chicken nugs and I saw a girl pee her pants. I literally had lingering eye contact with this chick as urine ran down her leg, and then I helpfully pointed to the puddle at her feet and told her that she had Read more...

The Leek | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

Following the graduation ceremony at Dunedin’s Town Hall this weekend, the University of Otago has officially rescinded the degrees awarded to a number of graduands of Arts and Commerce. The graduation ceremony, while by no means intended to be a completely staid event throughout, has long Read more...

Editorial | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Callum Fredric

IntroductionLast year, the Ministry of Social Development released its flagship White Paper for Vulnerable Children, containing a raft of recommendations for protecting New Zealand children who are at risk of poverty, neglect, and abuse. Now, the Ministry of Misopedia has been tasked with a Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Lovebirds

JoffreyI had a quick drink before I decided to head off for Angus, turns out it took 30 mins exactly. I walked in, spoke with the staff, sat at the bar and started on the tab. When my date came in we exchanged names, and soon after I realised I had forgotten hers already. I decided the better move Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

The Dunedin Farmers Market is such a stalwart event of weekly awesomeness and deliciousness that I wouldn’t have thought that it even needs introduction. But it seems that this Saturday morning ritual goes on under many Otago students’ oblivious noses. Early each Saturday, under the Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Jamie Breen

In front page news, a Queenstown bouncer tells us that it’s not a crime when you’ve gotten away with something before. Seems legit. More from the front page: A beautiful and inspiring story of a lost goldfish returning to its tank. Now appropriately named “Lucky,” the fish was found Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Right! STIs part three: no time for foreplay – let’s just dive right in. Then out. Then in again. Then out. Then pause for a breather. Then in again. Gonorrhoea:Annual number of cases in NZ (20-24yrs): 306 per 100,000 people (0.31%) As common as: Sharing a birthday with the Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week in history, some new places are confirmed to exist, and forensic science becomes a thing. 30 April, 1492: After two years of negotiations with the Spanish government, Christopher Columbus received his commission of exploration. He then sailed off to Central and South America and Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Becoming sexually active comes with a few physical issues, but it’s emotional ramifications that can feel like the biggest deal. This week is all about virginity, the loss of it, and why it’s only as important as you make it out to be. Is losing my virginity a big deal? People say it’s a Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by M and G

While strolling through the Octagon, M and G spied some eye-talian looking wicker tables and chairs between Ra Bar and The Craic. They curiously stumbled into Thistle like Edmond and Lucy into Narnia. The quiet café had a peaceful air with an enormous glitzy chandelier, polished wood, and Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Hannah Twigg

So, what comes to mind when you first think of genetic engineering? Crazy mutant fish with three eyes and wings? Mutated food that will turn you into half a plant when you eat it? Or maybe you think of evil businesses that rip off other farmers. Well, let’s clarify a few things. I wish I could tell Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Elsie Stone

We all do weird shit during exam time. If your study regime includes eating copious amounts of tuna and drinking five triple-shot long blacks per day, by all means, continue. If you spend this week’s grocery money on pens from Smiggle because frankly Bic biros are balls, I understand this too. We Read more...

Love Online | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Lovebirds

Hey girl how was your new years n christmas? HOpe u ddnt get upto too much mischif hehe Anyways im new here just having a nosey as im off work till 14 january so thougt id come here c if i can meet someone nice i could get to know n chill with have a laugh with, go for a drive at 1am to get Read more...

The Leek | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

In a startling exposé, conservationists observing the elusive Otago Scarfie have revealed that this species may be teetering on the brink of extinction. Results of an in-depth study carried out over the past three months have caused scientists to place Otago Scarfies on the “critically endangered” Read more...

Proctology | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Josie Cochrane

Proctology’s Hyde Street Special begins with a marketing student who attempted to gain work experience at Hyde Street after she ordered a batch of green wristbands online to sell for entry. Police were informed, intercepted the courier and subsequently delivered the wristbands to the girl’s house Read more...

Editorial | Issue 09

Posted 3:14pm Sunday 28th April 2013 by Callum Fredric

As you may have noticed, the cover of this week’s Critic is adorned with the mugshot of a criminal. He probably stole some pharmaceuticals. Damn that’s a smooth segue. Let’s talk pharmaceuticals. Not in the context of ranting about Big Pharma and how they’re conspiring to get the world Read more...