Archive

Editorial: Make Otago more like Vegas

Posted 1:03pm Sunday 31st July 2022 by Fox Meyer

Local elections are coming up, and I think we need to stack the regional council with people like the ones that run Vegas.  In the mag this week, Elliot’s written an excellent piece about the Otago Regional Council (ORC) and their management of a major river in Otago. It’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Mr. Squirt, Mr. Peanut Butter

Posted 6:36pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Critic

It was your average Saturday night on Re-O week, I'd finished up at Castle and figured it was time to pull. I had just seen the guy that ghosted me pull another bird and I needed to crack on. With perfect timing, I got a Snapchat from a Tinder guy who I had been talking with a little. I thought, Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 6:35pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week we have an image supplied by Jeff. We were spot on with last week’s location, but it cost us our dignity. Fraser was looking at Larry the Lobster in Kingston SE, by Adelaide. First Thoughts: Budweiser stadium, we’re in the States for sure. Is there a Budweiser stadium? Read more...

Booze Review | Guinness

Posted 6:33pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Chug Norris

Ireland may have shown themselves to be a superior rugby force in recent weeks, but at least our national beverage doesn’t taste like watery-piss vegemite. Guinness is the most overrated trash that has ever been produced on a large scale. Its popularity in Ireland is all the more unusual Read more...

Skuxx Food | Pumpkin, feta, caramelised onion and spinach quiche

Posted 6:32pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

I realised I only give you recipes for pasta or noodles so here’s a few different carbohydrates. Go crazy.  Ingredients:  ¼-⅓ pumpkin, cut into 3cm cubes Olive oil   3 onions, thinly sliced 3 teaspoons brown sugar  3 tablespoons balsamic Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 16

Posted 6:31pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Things are going well, aren’t they? The progress you’ve been seeing will continue so long as your attitude remains positive. Don’t get yourself down. Fun way to spice up the bedroom this week: Roleplay as the cast of Cars Read more...

Editorial: How much data is in one ejaculation?

Posted 2:40pm Monday 25th July 2022 by Fox Meyer

One sperm contains about 3.3 billion base pairs, stored in DNA. Each base pair is two bits of data, for a total of 787MB of data per sperm. With somewhere around 280 million sperm per ejaculation, that means a single load contains about 220,000 terabytes of data. That’s a lot of information to Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Three’s a Crowd

Posted 5:28pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Critic

There I was, fresh into my first year at Otago, having spent the first-half semester with my virginity still intact. Not wanting to enter my Fresher Hoe Phase a novice, I was desperate to get some experience during the mid-sem break. Luckily, my friend had the smartest idea: “Why not knock out Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 5:25pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Fraser. We were close to last week’s correct location, but not quite there. Paul’s photo was snapped from a building window higher up and further back than we thought, because he cropped the photo to make it harder. Curses! First thoughts: Read more...

Booze Review | Jack Daniels

Posted 5:22pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Chug Norris

Although most American products are marketing-heavy and quality-poor, sometimes they get things right. Jack Daniel’s is one such thing and it blows all of its poncy European rivals out of the water. JD is delicious, cheap, and, above all, it is far less pretentious than most other Read more...

Skuxx Food | Mushroom and Spinach Carbonara

Posted 5:21pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Because it contains mushrooms and spinach, this is by no means a traditional carbonara, and is enough for your favourite Italian Davide to call you a “liar, an actress, and to get the fuck out”, but that never stopped Ekin-Su and shouldn’t stop you Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 15

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Your lust and love for life is admirable, but remember: sometimes shit is rough. Not everything can be fun all the time, and sometimes you have to do the hard yards. Bad habit to break: being irresponsible with your finances.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar Read more...

Editorial: Chlöe Swarbrick Knows Muay Thai

Posted 2:21pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Fox Meyer

Last week, experienced Muay Thai champion and Green MP Chlöe Swarbrick defended her title against the underqualified and inexperienced challenger Fox Meyer, editor of Critic Te Arohi, in what viewers described as a “one-sided beatdown for the ages”. “I didn’t know Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | An Intimate Knowledge of Criminal Activity

Posted 12:46pm Sunday 10th July 2022 by Critic

I’m going to have to keep this kinda vague because I’m scared that someone will burn my house down, but here goes. A few months ago, I was enrolled in this course. I was living in the town, and was surrounded by people from all over. It was a great time, I learned heaps, and although I Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 14

Posted 12:44pm Sunday 10th July 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 If you’re reading this, it’s a sign to abandon all sense of responsibility and chase your dreams. Don’t let social norms confine you.  Re-O Activity: A skiing getaway.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Chances are, you’re Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 2:29am Saturday 9th July 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image provided by Paul. We got last issue’s submissions pretty much correct: Elias was “pretty much” on the roof of the Place Seffarine, Fez, Morocco.  First Thoughts: Well, it’s definitely a tower, and it looks all festive and fun. I Read more...

Booze Review | Wild Buck

Posted 2:26am Saturday 9th July 2022 by Chug Norris

There has never been as grim a beer as Wild Buck. It may be marketed as some sort of salt of the earth, deep country beer, but the reality is it’s just a mixture of sludge dredged from the bottom of the Waikato, and fermented deer piss. It is feral. If you are ever unlucky enough to find Read more...

Skuxx Food | Lemon, Leek and Pea Risotto

Posted 2:25am Saturday 9th July 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Cleanskin wine is more than a golden dollar-to-standard drink ratio, it's a valuable ingredient. When you actually decide it's gross and can’t drink it anymore, you can use it to make a bangin’ risotto the next day! So versatile! Serves 5 people Ingredients:  1 onion, Read more...

Fuck it, Minions Editorial

Posted 11:21pm Friday 8th July 2022 by Fox Meyer

God, I can’t believe there’s minion content in the magazine. I’m so sorry. It’s not always like this. I play this game where I try to go 24 hours without seeing a minion. I have not won the game, and now that you’ve joined the game, the curse is upon you too. So, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Goon, blood, and lies

Posted 7:29pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Critic

WARNING: This story is extremely chaotic but feels too good not to share. As this story has come up at numerous kickons, and has haunted me for the past year, I feel it is my duty to publicly confess the fateful events that happened that night. I’m sorry in advance.  Picture a Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 13

Posted 7:24pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Sometimes, you need to take some time out for yourself. Things have been rough, and you’ve been going through it. But just remember, there is light at the end of this tumultuous tunnel.  Exam de-stress: a walk in the botans.   Pisces Feb 19 Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 7:10pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image provided by Elias. We got last week’s entry correct, the photos from Joe were taken at Cecil King’s Hut in Kahurangi National Park and the Khemarin Palace in Cambodia. You can’t hide from Critic, Joe. First Thoughts: Looks like Tatooine. I’m Read more...

Booze Review | Estrella Damm

Posted 7:05pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Chug Norris

Estrella is a beer like no other – except every other beer in Europe. It is Spanish, it is mild like the Mediterranean climate, and for some reason every bottle is shaped like a wine bottle – probably to deceive the Spanish to believe they are still drinking a grape-based beverage. Read more...

Skuxx Food | Peanut noodle salad

Posted 7:00pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A genuinely easy noodle salad that only leaves you with a few bowls to clean in the end. I hope you have a lot of peanut butter. Serves 6. Ingredients:  Salad:  Around 200 grams of rice stick noodles  1 tablespoon of sesame oil 450 grams frozen edamame beans, Read more...

Editorial: Video Game Underwear

Posted 4:14pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Fox Meyer

We all know that women’s armour in video games is absurd. You’ve got a whole-ass knight in shining armour with a flaming sword facing off against a witch who’s wearing essentially a few leaves and a vine. Lara Croft is in a tank top, and don’t even get me started on Mortal Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Silent but Deadly

Posted 6:23pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Picture this: it’s a Friday night (or rather Saturday morning), I’ve had a few cheeky beverages and I’m messaging a hot guy on Snapchat. I swiped right on him on a dating app and we hit it off pretty quickly. Now onto the story. I was surrounded by some friends in a very public Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Ultimate Frisbee

Posted 6:18pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Sorry OUUC, this isn’t what you think. Take a seat, but watch where you put your ass because this is going to be explosive…  Recently, my friends and I went on a romantic getaway for the weekend to a remote location. Tunes were pumping, bevvies were flowing, mosquitos were Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 12

Posted 6:15pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Pencil some quality time into your schedule, Aquarians. You deserve to do something fun, wholesome and happy this week.  Snack craving: Twisties.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Things have been emotionally heavy for you these past few weeks, but Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 3:15pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week we have a submission from Joe, who asked if he was “safe from Big Government if I ran away into the bush? Or can someone with an internet connection find me?” We’ll find out. We got the last submission correct, Blanford was indeed outside the US Botanical Read more...

The Tell-Tale Can

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Edgar Allen Poon

True! I am a thief, but I am not mad, just an alcoholic with a guilty conscience. I found myself out of piss and fairly sober at a party. Across the table from me lay, apparently unattended, an unopened and immaculate DoBro. So ice cold and refreshing, covered in condensation all along its red Read more...

Skuxx Food | Thai Red Curry Noodle Soup

Posted 2:04pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Impress your flatties with this easy and flavourful noodle soup to ease you into the colder weather. Swap out the chicken for red meat if you prefer and use any vegetables you like. Or make it fully vegetarian/vegan by swapping meat for tofu and using soy sauce instead of fish sauce! Serves Read more...

Local Produce | H2yo

Posted 1:56pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Molly Willis

With plans to hydrate the world one liquor store at a time, Dunedin locals Anthony Tep, Silas Kemp, Tom Gallagher and Riley Coughlin kicked off the launch of their RTD brand H2yo on Friday the 13th of May at Leith Liquor.   H2yo BLUE is a 5-ingredient alcoholic beverage that mimics the taste Read more...

Editorial: My Mum Talks About Abortion Rights

Posted 4:43pm Saturday 21st May 2022 by Fox Meyer

Abortion rights in the USA are in jeopardy, so I called someone who I knew could talk about this from a place of experience: my mum. The rest of this editorial is a transcript of that call. I’ve experienced all of the reproductive possibilities of what happens when you have a vagina and Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 11:03am Monday 16th May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by a Mr. Blanford, who said “sorry for the poor quality, I took this photo on the piss five years ago”. We got last issue’s submission correct, after about a month of crying about how hard it was. Shar was indeed at Ki Monastery, Lahaul and Read more...

Local Produce | Midnight Caffeine

Posted 9:35am Monday 16th May 2022 by Nina Brown

Midnight Caffeine is made up of lead lyricist and vocalist Zi, guitarist and producer Raine, drummer Hayden and bassist Ollie. The band found their name in the delirious aftermath of a late-night caffeine-fueled study grind: the true mark of a (mostly) ex-student band. Critic Te Arohi spoke with the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Satan's Little Helper

Posted 9:20am Monday 16th May 2022 by Critic

Buckle the fuck up folks, cos I’m bout to learn y’all a thing or two about sex, tequila, and Satanism.  Against my better judgement, I caved and decided to hook up with a fuckboy Satanist over break. He was gorgeous – black hair, different coloured eyes, ripped as fuck Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 11

Posted 10:20pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Please, for the love of God and your liver, stop abusing so many substances. Do you want to make it to Hyde? Instrument to learn: the banjo.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 It’s time to sit and think about the next step. What does the future Read more...

Asahi Super Dry

Posted 10:12pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by Chug Norris

Asahi Super Dry is a very nice beer. “Asahi”, you say, “Isn’t that the enormous multinational that owns just about anything that you can put your lips around? [insert dick joke here]”. Why yes, yes it is, fictional booze review enjoyer, but that is not to say we Read more...

Skuxx Food | Baked honey soy chicken

Posted 9:20pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A wholesome little meal to take you and the flat back to those simple childhood dinners. Your mum isn’t even here to tell you that you have to have veggies with your chicken, so go nuts.  Ingredients:  1.6-1.8 kg chicken drumsticks or chicken thighs (bone in) 2 red onions, cut Read more...

Local Produce | Swarles

Posted 9:16pm Sunday 15th May 2022 by George DeMarco

Ollie Whiley, under the alias ‘Swarles’, is breaking on to the Dunedin scene with music that captures moments of heartbreak, lust, and ecstasy. Critic Te Arohi caught up with Ollie to chat about his freshly released self-titled EP, the spectrum of genres that influence his sound, and his Read more...

Editorial: Your Taylor Swift Hate is Weird, Actually

Posted 1:15pm Saturday 14th May 2022 by Fox Meyer

You don’t have to like Taylor Swift, but it’s weird how vehemently some dudes will hate, hate, HATE Taylor Swift. Almost like they need you to know how much they hate her because otherwise they’re not a man, or something. It’s weird, and it’s super toxic.  I Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Shit happens

Posted 3:10pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Critic

It all started on a normal Friday night in North Dunedin. Plenty of drinks deep, and the night started to quiet down. My flat mate and I are the last ones standing, we’re chilling in the lounge anticipating our next move. One of her old friends visiting Dunedin arrives with another one of his Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 10

Posted 2:40pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 If there’s one thing you need, it’s self control. Make sure to check yourself and reel it in every now and again.  Artistic activity: screenprinting an old item of clothing.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Is it hyperfixation? Is it an ego Read more...

El Diablos

Posted 2:33pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Chug Norris

El Diablos are no ordinary beer. They are an ancient artefact of likely Satanic provenance that hails from a time before creation itself. They appear at random times in random locations throughout New Zealand and prey on unsuspecting souls, drawn like moths to a flame by the sinister patterns Read more...

Skuxx Food | Israeli couscous and roast vegetable salad

Posted 2:25pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A very skuxx salad that you can make at the start of the week and have for lunches or combine with a meat of choice for dinner. Swap out or add any roast vegetables of your choosing.  Serves 6 Ingredients:  2 cups of Israeli couscous  1 bag of baby spinach, roughly Read more...

Local Produce: Dollhouse Theatre Company

Posted 2:23pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Jamiema Lorimer

Dollhouse is a new Ōtepoti-based theatre company, founded by Ryan Hartigan and Jordan Wichman. It was created to fill the space between community and professional theatre, a gap that many recent grads struggle to cross. Jordan completed her honours year of her Bachelor of Performing Arts in Read more...

Local Produce | Te Oraka: Student-run Thrift Store

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 8th May 2022 by Nina Brown

The old Unipol weights room on Anzac Ave has been transformed into a sustainability hub for students by the Sustainability Office and their team of tetekura (student leaders), including Maddy, Lizzy, Gerry, Annabelle, John and Jesikah (office team lead). Already open Tuesdays and Thursdays 11-1pm, Read more...

Editorial: What is Art, Really?

Posted 2:29am Sunday 8th May 2022 by Fox Meyer

Someone once told me that art is like porn: you know it when you see it. And I think that’s true.  Of course, art is subjective. You might not like it, even if other people do. Most of our art comes from our art team, and quite a bit of it comes from student submissions, who want to Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Not now, Dad

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Critic

I was 18, in my last summer before University. The horny was strong, and my teenage years had been bone-dry, so I wanted some experience before heading down south. I started seeing a guy, John, from my school. After the second date, he begged me to take his virginity. I declined. Then, in what Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 9

Posted 2:51pm Sunday 1st May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 There may have been some people leaving your life recently, but just know, you are probably better off without them. Onwards and upwards, my friends.  Conspiracy to research: Did the Crown kill Diana?   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Wreak havoc. Read more...