Horoscopes: Week 12

Horoscopes: Week 12


Jan 20 - Feb 18

Troubled waters ahead! Be sure to navigate your friendships and relationships accordingly, as tension is on the horizon. Also, wash your sheets. It’s been way too long.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Something In The Water’ by Brooke Fraser


Feb 19 - Mar 20

The going is tough, but try not to rip anyone’s head off heading into exam season, okay? You're emotional enough to be around, let's not throw rage and anger into the mix.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Swing’ by Savage


Mar 21 - Apr 19

It’s time to pick up a new hobby. Perhaps learning the saxophone is on the agenda? Or baking a new and exciting dessert? Just anything but texting your sneaky link will suffice.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Slice of Heaven’ by Dave Dobbyn 


Apr 20 - May 20

This week is the week of sandwiches. In order to solve your problems, I feel like you just need to eat a really good, big juicy sandwich. Be sure to add pickles.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Why Does Love Do This To Me’ by The Exponents 


May 21 - Jun 20

Just IMAGINE if your mother knew what you were doing! She would be so impressed because you’re a little superstar xoxo

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Vibes’ by Six60


Jun 21 - July 22

This time of year is a little rough on everyone, so be sure to check in on those around you as they may need some of your nurturing spirit and comforting energy.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘April Sun In Cuba’ by Dragon 


July - Aug 22

You deserve to treat yourself this week. Take yourself on a coffee date, a thrift shop outing, or splurge on cocktails at Carousel. It’s your world, we’re all just living in it.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Everything’ by P Money 


Aug 23 - Sep 22

Although you’re perfect, sometimes you need to lower your expectations of others. Not everyone can be as hot and sexy as you, but that doesn’t make them any less worthy. Give a breatha a chance!

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Always On My Mind’ by Tiki Tane


Sep 23 - Oct 22

You should invest in a planner or journal. While it’s fun and flirty to be a hot mess, there is always room to implement organization and routine into your life. It’s never too late to start #adulting.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Stars’ by Shapeshifter


Oct 23 - Nov 21

You need to stop demanding unattainable expectations from those around you. We’re all just out here trying our best, so don’t shit on those who are just trying to get through the day.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Scorpio Girls’ by Supergroove


Nov 22 - Dec 21

Your long distance besties miss you deeply. Your insane and chaotic nature never fails to fill a room. Be sure to give a friend a call this week and catch up. 

Kiwi tune to play: ‘Wandering Eye’ by Fat Freddy’s Drop


Dec 22 - Jan 19

Capricorn women, you guys deserve the world. You are feminist icons and no one can fuck with you. But Capricorn men? There is something seriously wrong with you, assholes.

Kiwi tune to play: ‘How Bizarre’ by OMC 

This article first appeared in Issue 12, 2023.
Posted 4:16pm Sunday 21st May 2023 by Critic.