The story about the most embarrassing sex of my life starts back when I was a first-year. I was working a part time job and, like all naive first-years, I hadn't learnt to not get involved with coworkers. The guy in question, we'll call him Sam, was a couple years older than me but didn't go to Uni. He'd also had his flatting situation go to shit and was boarding with a family. One of their rules was that he was not allowed girls over. I also was unable to bring this man home with me so when we started hanging out our only option seemed to be sitting in a car at John Wilson Drive.
We'd hung out twice before the night in question and hadn't gone further than a little bit of hand action. On this one particular Saturday night we were in our usual spot. It was late and things were starting to get hot and heavy. Being the horny 18 year old that I was, I decided that tonight was the night we were going to have sex and he agreed pretty quickly. This is where we ran into problem number one: no condoms. This was solved by quickly driving to the Night 'n’ Day, five minutes before they closed. Problem number two of the night was that he was broke and just kind of a selfish dude so he refused to come in with me to the store. So off I went to purchase a $25 pack of condoms, five minutes before the store closed.
Condoms acquired, we headed back to John Wilson and at no point did it occur to either of us that this was a bad idea. Once we got there we hopped in the back seat and started doing our thing. The sex was pretty mediocre but I kinda expected that with it being my first experience with car sex. Things start to get a lot worse when he grabs me and tells me to stop because "a car’s just pulled up next to us." At this point I should mention that his car had recently broken down so we were in my car. My car isn't a one-of-a-kind or anything but it is very recognizable to pretty much anyone I've ever met. So it's at this point that I hear a voice from the car start yelling out. Yelling out MY name. In this moment of panic I decide for some reason to jump off this man's dick and wedge myself in between the front and back seat. But of course this movement makes me a lot more visible to the people in the car and they all let out a scream and start laughing before quickly driving away. Which is when I learned that they hadn't realized until that moment what they had actually pulled up next to and if I'd just stayed still I could've gotten away with it. After sending some angry texts to the voice from the car that I'd recognized I managed to work out one other person who had been in the car. But to this day I still don't know who the others were, or how much of my naked lower half they saw.
After the incident, my pride cannot stand to be around this man for a minute more so I decide the night is over and I'm going to drop Sam home. Sam is also not nearly as bothered by this situation as he should've been and he decides to stay sitting in the back like I'm his Uber driver. He also decides to start playing and singing "I just had sex" which would already have been bad enough without him rolling down the window, sticking his head out and singing it to the entirety of South Dunedin. And that was that – it’s never really been brought up since, maybe out of respect, but also maybe out of fear that I’ll go ballistic if someone mentions it.