Archive

Sage Advice | A Grandfather’s Wisdom

Posted 2:41pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“My grandfather was a wonderful role model. Through him I got to know the gentle side of men.” - Sarah Long   This week a loyal reader has kindly forwarded me an email from her grandad, chock-full of advice. She wishes to keep their identities secret, but I can reveal that Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Hanging Round like a Bad Smell

Posted 2:33pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde, We are yet another bunch of unfortunate second years faced with the issue of a flatmate's unsavoury boyfriend. He has ruined our relationship with our flatmate, who gave him a key without our (or the landlord’s) permission. We’ve asked for his key back twice, Read more...

DB Draught is the Winston Peters of Beers

Posted 2:27pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

DB Draught is an old man’s drink. A sip on the lips is reminiscent of a hard day fucking sheep and feeding the chickens. It’s been around since before any of us could remember, and it will be around long after we die. Just like Winston Peters. If Jesus turned water into wine, then Read more...

The Hell Hole | Things that disgust me Part II

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Drinking a glass of someone else’s phlegm. Making out with your dog. Caking your open eyes in dry sand. Swallowing a whole plastic bag then pulling it out again. A couch that someone slept on for thirty years. Fish feasting on a rotten human foot. Your butt pubes and your head hair swapping. Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | The Pope

Posted 1:49pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

5/5 Great hat. Also, Popemobile. Read more...

Clark V. Woodhouse | What is the Best Way to Deal with Youth Offenders?

Posted 11:10am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by David Clark

David Clark Over the past few weeks there has been discussion about youth offending, and how New Zealand can address it. The difference in approach between National and Labour on this issue could not be clearer. The current government has announced that they will set up army-run boot camps for Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 21

Posted 11:02am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT is reporting on something that will revolutionise agriculture. Just imagine a future where humans are able to grow crops. Close your eyes and imagine. Just imagine.   Next, the ODT has finally lost the ability to tell young people (people under the age Read more...

Editorial | Bring About Positive Change

Posted 10:13am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Joe Higham

With the OUSA Executive Election period finally upon us, student political enthusiasts and commentators alike (admittedly a rare, nerdy breed by my own admission) are feeling as though Christmas has come early. For those unaware of what this means, next week you have the opportunity to vote for Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (August 21-27)

Posted 2:08pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Critic

There’s a fairly wholesome week ahead, people! Enjoy the break.   Monday 21 August – Senior Citizens Day While the average Critic reader probably lacks the grey hair of today’s demographic, we all know of at least one senior citizen who deserves a medal. I for one Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Laptop Craptop

Posted 1:46pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde, I have a faulty laptop. Problems started not long after I bought it, but I was too busy to take it back, so I just tried to keep going, but it is not connecting to any wifi and this makes it pretty much useless to me. I’ve taken it in twice and they just send me away Read more...

Wild Moose is Liquid Happiness

Posted 1:37pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

The name “Wild Moose” really does describe this bevvy perfectly. It’s soft and brown but incredibly wild. Try and tame this majestic beast and you may struggle, but if you succeed, you will be treated with the night of your life. Wild Mouse is an inspiring message of hope to all Read more...

Lucky in Love | Fred & Wilma

Posted 1:32pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Fred Having woken up fully clothed and alone on a Sunday, you can only imagine my excitement Read more...

Poetry Corner | institutional blues

Posted 1:22pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Vanessa

    when theres shit in your shoes and ant it the news when youve done a u turn and noone takes turns left or right or in between no-ones saying  what they mean, institutional yellows like custard pudd, voices in my head saying do what you should but Read more...

Sage Advice | Romance

Posted 1:18pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“Romance is the glamour which turns the dust of everyday life into a golden haze.” – Carolyn Gold Heilbrun   This question comes from another loyal reader: “My love life is in dire straits right now, but I really want to make it work! Sage Advice please Read more...

Science Tank | Snake Bite

Posted 1:10pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Wee Doubt

A single drop of Russell’s viper venom will turn blood in a cup into a coagulated blob that looks like moulded jelly. However, in a living body, the venom has a different effect. The venom reacts with a protein in your blood called Factor X, creating proteins called fibrin, which cause the Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Pipes

Posted 12:17pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Various/5   This week we’re talking about pipes. Pipes are very old. In the Beginning, when pipes wriggled out of the ground like snakes (Snakes, 5/5), pipes were only cool enough to hang out with legless lizards (Legless Lizards, 0/5). How things have changed; the genealogy of Read more...

David Clark | Dunedin Hospital Update

Posted 11:00am Sunday 20th August 2017 by David Clark

The health system across Otago/Southland is struggling more than most – in fact, it’s creaking at its seams. There are likely to be many contributing causes to this current predicament, including the short-funding of health, and a funding model that seems to work against the South. But Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 20

Posted 10:54am Sunday 20th August 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Make way! The messiah is among us. Make way! For He shall lead us through the fire.   Then, a cutting piece of investigative journalism. Turns out melons cost more in winter. Who knew.   This week the ODT has some truly mindbending wisdom to Read more...

Editorial | Otago Students Need a Mouthpiece to Speak on Their Behalf More than Ever

Posted 10:10am Sunday 20th August 2017 by Joe Higham

Critic has recently received several ‘Letters to the Editor’ criticising the OUSA Executive, particularly President Hugh Baird, for not taking a stance on some of the year’s most pressing issues. The ten members of the Exec have been inundated with a disproportionately large amount Read more...

Sage Advice | Art

Posted 1:05pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“The purpose of art is washing the dust of daily life off our souls.” - Pablo Picasso   Art is... mysterious. Is it the physical embodiment of the human soul? Is it the pale reflection of a world we can never reach? Will the subtle genius of my Care Bears-themed erotic Read more...