Wild Moose is Liquid Happiness

Wild Moose is Liquid Happiness

The name “Wild Moose” really does describe this bevvy perfectly. It’s soft and brown but incredibly wild. Try and tame this majestic beast and you may struggle, but if you succeed, you will be treated with the night of your life.

Wild Mouse is an inspiring message of hope to all you single folk out there. It’s not the tastiest, it’s certainly not the cheapest, but every single week it still has the courage to ask you buy it. Sure, sometimes they have to offer a little extra, like a free beanie or coozie, but they put themselves out there. If they can do it, so can you. It’s a metaphor.

A good big handful of Wild Meese is a lovely way to spend a nice evening out with some friends. They treat you real nice, like a sexual partner who is desperate to impress (I imagine). They taste like your first kiss, and make you feel like you can take on the world. If the feeling of joy could be condensed and canned, it would be a box of Mild Woose.

A few shotguns of Wild Mouse can turn around your night faster than Jacinda Ardern can turn around the Labour Party’s chances of leading a government. Remember in 1984 when Robert Muldoon got drunk and announced an election? Rumour has it, that stupid decision was inspired by a box of Mild Wosses. Now ‘facts’ may tell you that Wold Mice didn’t even exist at the time, but I think that only proves my point: Former New Zealand Prime Minister Robert Muldoon invented the Wheeled Mousse. Let’s raise a glass to him.

Mulled Wines in my experience have been kind to my brain the next morning. Ginger ale is a refreshing treat to your hangover the next day, so adding them to our drinks seems like the logical thing to do. Unfortunately, I could not find any science to back up my hypothesis, and in fact most sources will tell you that, because it is brown liquor, World Moo makes you struggle more than a young Metiria Turei on the benefit.


Taste Rating: 6/10

Froth Level: A brighter future for all New Zealanders

Tasting notes: The abstract concept of happiness

Pairs well with: Drinking responsibly, staying hydrated, respecting women and getting a good night’s sleep.

This article first appeared in Issue 20, 2017.
Posted 1:37pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer.