Archive

Mystery Object Hunt (July 24-30)

Posted 5:57pm Monday 24th July 2017 by Critic

Everyone loves a reason to be weird, so why not make the most of the plethora of wacky special days of the year out there.   Monday 24 –Tell An Old Joke Day Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi. What do you call Monday 24 July 2017? Tell An Old Joke Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 16

Posted 5:43pm Monday 24th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week the ODT had a stern word with their neighbours about the recent noise complaints made during one of the ODT’s all night bangers. One ODT employee was overheard yelling, “You can’t go to the media, we are the media”.   Suddenly, something mysterious Read more...

Science Tank | Inhale, Exhale

Posted 2:32pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Try to hold your breath as long as you can. How’d you go? 1 minute, 2? Pathetic. You’ve a long way to go, sport. The record for static apnea, also known as holding one’s breath, currently stands at a casual 11 minutes 54 seconds, and is held by Serbian Branko Petrović, who Read more...

Poetry Corner | The Redundant Executive Senior Lecturer (A 7 year university grant)

Posted 2:28pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Leah Macpherson

Practised fingers pluck each chord, the melody a fresh wave splattering sea water on the assembly of the elements Quick movements on multiple strings conjure the wind, a deep rumble, gusting southerly heart break Head tilts into the eye of the storm, eyes closed, mouth Read more...

Speight's Counts As One Of Your 5+ A Day

Posted 2:22pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

It’s hard to review Speight’s. It has so much meaning to so many people. It was the first beer my father ever gave me. It’s the beer that has fuelled Scarfies for generations. Would I say it’s the tastiest beer in the world? No. But it’s the beer that makes me think of Read more...

Lucky in Love | Pac Man & Ghost

Posted 2:03pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Pac Man I arrived at the Bog (such a masculine bar for two gay guys to meet!) respectfully Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Flattened by my flatmate

Posted 1:57pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Student Support

Hey there Ethel and Hyde, My flatmate reversed over my bag yesterday and now my laptop and my glasses are broken to the point they are completely unusable. I don’t have any insurance, and neither does my flatmate. I need both of those things to study! Please help.   Ethel and Read more...

The Hell Hole | The Fog

Posted 1:53pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Jon Anderson

He clung to the cold roofing iron and surveyed the land around him. It was clear but for the fog. He couldn’t see any movement among the old, tall buildings that sat, half-crumbled and smoking, and where he’d once been a student. His arms ached. He’d been up here all night. He Read more...

Sage Advice | Music

Posted 1:43pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“Music is a higher revelation than all wisdom and philosophy.” - Ludwig van Beethoven   Music is one of the many languages of the human soul, but, as Herr Beethoven points out, its profundity is surely of the highest order. This week I have been in contact with a local Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Burial

Posted 12:47pm Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

5/5 Burial is one of the greatest achievements of humankind, so great that once someone has achieved it they rarely feel motivated to do anything else.   Just consider what life was like before burial; we had dead bodies lying all over the place. They were everywhere: on the beach, in the Read more...

David Clark | Health and Education vs. Tax Cuts

Posted 11:18am Sunday 23rd July 2017 by David Clark

Under the National government, things have swung too far out of balance in our country. A small group of ultra-wealthy people continue to get ahead while everyday New Zealanders are running to stand still, or are being left behind. That deeply concerns me. No matter your background, everyone Read more...

Editorial | Don’t Blame Society’s Problems on Individuals - Help The Homeless

Posted 10:20am Sunday 23rd July 2017 by Joe Higham

As winter continues to hit Dunedin with everything it has, the reality of New Zealand’s housing issue is magnified. Many of us are very fortunate in that we are not constantly plagued by the same chill that others are exposed to on a daily basis, but with that position comes with an Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (July 17-23)

Posted 3:45pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Critic

This week calls for masses of celebration (I think that every week but this week holds true. I swear).   Monday 17 July – World Emoji Day, Yellow Pig Day Imagine a world where symbols of emotional expression used frequently in online communication were not adequately Read more...

Vapourium Presents Science Tank | Tardigrades

Posted 2:59pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

For the last 500 million years, the micro-animal Hypsibius dujardini, otherwise known as tardigrades, have ruled our planet. If you’ve never even heard of these bad boys, then boy howdy it’s time to learn you. Measuring up to a whopping 1mm in length, their curious little three Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Sexual consent

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde, So a couple of weeks ago I went to this big post-exam blow out party with my flatties. We preloaded at home and were on form when we arrived. I got talking with this guy I recognised from one of my classes. He was pretty flirty and after few more drinks he suggested we go Read more...

The Hell Hole | The Piss Baby

Posted 2:50pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Fanny Clive-Trevor

The contractions had started. The woman’s husband was at work, and she was at home, on maternity leave, waiting in boredom for the last weeks of her pregnancy to end. The thing she had longed for throughout the past eight months was beginning, but it was too soon. She had called her husband, Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | El Diablo Super Strong Brew

Posted 2:44pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

In all my years of exploring and analysing the finest alcoholic beverages New Zealand has to offer on the student budget, the one question I’ve gotten more than any other is: “What’s the grossest beer you’ve ever tasted?” I’ve drunk a red onion ale from Read more...

Lucky in Love | Manny & Fran

Posted 2:35pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Lovebirds

p.p1 {margin: 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px 0.0px; line-height: 12.0px; font: 6.5px Helvetica} span.s1 {font-kerning: none} span.s2 {font: 7.0px Helvetica; font-kerning: none} Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in Read more...

Sage Advice | The City of Dunedin (Part I)

Posted 2:28pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“We run Dunedin and every other city in this nation. You can’t stop us, because you need us. Just let us do what we do, and nobody gets hurt.” - Dave, spokesperson of ‘The Workmen’ Dunedin chapter   Over the ages, the city of Dunedin has been home to many Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Gunpowder

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 16th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Rating: 4/5 Gunpowder was invented by the Chinese, along with everything else ever. Lots of people talk shit about gunpowder due to its unfortunate association with guns. However, such an association misses the fundamental essence of gunpowder: it smells really, really, really, good. It is a Read more...