Advice on How to Give Advice: O-week

Advice on How to Give Advice: O-week


O-week is a time when lots of advice is given and received. Here is some advice on how to give advice during O-week.

The best thing about O-week is that you don't really need to go to lectures unless you're in Carrington, in which case we definitely advise you to go, that's the sort of thing you need to do if you want to fit in there. It will help you to make lots of friends in Carrington if you can advise your fellow Carringtonians how important it is to go to class in O-Week.

If any of the following applies to you we advise you not to give advice in O-Week: fresher, vegan, med student or Young Nat (no one cares). If you are a Carrington fresher who is a vegan and aiming for med, you are strangely exempt from this. Not because this isn’t good advice, just because you won't know how good this advice is until you lose your virginity in third year.

Crying girls want one of two things during O-Week, and if it's not sex and/or tequilla, it is probably advice on how to get sex and/or tequilla. If she wants more advice, try advising her that tequila has one 'l' in it and not two.

Crying boys want one of two things during O-week, and both of them are a wholesome and supportive friendship with another crying boy. Try to hide the true reason for your tears, and instead cry about not having sex and/or tequila, which should entice another crying boy to advise you on how to get sex and/or tequila, thereby consolidating a wholesome friendly dickship, or a wholesome dickly friendship.

Randoms will want advice on more complicated topics to advise on, such as: locating the cheapest goon, funnels in general, beers and the holy art of Kama Sutra. In these more intellectually trying instances we advise the old adage: Don't tell them, show them.

Until next time,

Aunt Kell and Mammy Zo


This article first appeared in Issue 1, 2018.
Posted 3:42pm Saturday 24th February 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport.