Archive

Lewis Road Creamery Chocolate Cream Liqueur Is A Sexy, Sweet & Succulent Treat

Posted 4:49pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Booze and milky fluids don’t typically go together at the same time – rather, they’re typically separated by a few hours when you’re deep-throating your flatmate’s cousin in the backseat of his Nissan Sentra. Creamy, chocolaty, and a smooth 17%, Lewis Road Creamery Read more...

Love is Blind | Ritchie and Gemma

Posted 4:32pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Ombrellos and Cello. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Ritchie  Self-respect, confidence, and the Read more...

Dear Aunt Kell and Mama Zo, How Do You Uncover the Truth of Conspiracies?

Posted 4:30pm Thursday 9th August 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport

Well let’s start with the facts. Chemtrails are not a conspiracy, man never made it to the moon, Hitler is still alive and OUSA’s $3 lunch is laced with psychedelics.  The first things to identify are smoke and/or the number 666. Long-time conspiracy theorists always know to look Read more...

The Week the ODT Wasn’t Angry, Just Disappointed

Posted 8:16pm Thursday 2nd August 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

The ODT have been feeling a bit down this week.   Are you ok ODT?   Later, Deputy Editor Paul “Barry” Gorman was upset after asking for people to send in their embarrassing stories.    I don’t know what Barry’s doing with the Read more...

Mr Sandler, Bring Me a Dream | What The Hell Has Happened To Me?

Posted 6:59pm Thursday 2nd August 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

Holy fuck. Adam Sandler has a music career. Adam Sandler has released five different comedy albums. Who the fuck is this man.     Hey guys, Henthony Griffano here, the Critic’s busiest Adam Sandler nerd. Now I’ll be honest, I forgot to watch a film this Read more...

Little Fat Lamb Ginger Beer Tastes Like A Bitch Slap From Hell

Posted 6:57pm Thursday 2nd August 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Little Fat Lamb has personally victimised more residents of North Dunedin than the cold, Health Science, and a drunk Caitlin Barlow-Groome combined. I opted for the classic ginger beer, a sour, vinegary-sweet concoction that would probably taste better if it still had a dead snail in it (shoutout Read more...

Love Is Blind | Cindy and Clarkie

Posted 6:54pm Thursday 2nd August 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Ombrellos and Cello. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Cindy Mentally prepared to spend a few hours getting Read more...

The Week the ODT Told a Lie About South Dunedin

Posted 4:00pm Friday 27th July 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Sometimes readers expect too much of the ODT, so they’ve started adding warning labels.        And just in case that didn’t get through, they repeated it on the next page.        The ODT have been taking more than the usual Read more...

Mr. Sandler, Bring Me a Dream | You Don’t Mess with the Zohan

Posted 6:26pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

I think after the highs that were The Wedding Singer and Billy Maddison, I was feeling too optimistic about Adam Sandler’s talents as a cultural icon. But now we’re plummeting back down to ground level, for a film that I don’t even know how to describe – You Don’t Mess Read more...

Dr Sash | Is Oral Sex Safe?

Posted 6:26pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by Doctor Sash

A common misconception that society faces regarding sexual health is that oral sex is safe. Some people don’t even consider oral sex a risky sexual behaviour. Why? Mainly because we've always been told that safe sex involves genitalia and wearing a condom. The efforts of social media have Read more...

How To Be a Less Shit Cook | Onion Dip

Posted 6:24pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by The Scarfie Chef

Have you been searching for the perfect food to serve friends on any occasion? Look no further because the classic kiwi onion dip is undoubtedly the GOAT. It combines delicious flavours with luscious textures while maintaining a balance of simplicity and flair. One of its best features is that even Read more...

Tsingtao is Fucking Awful. There, I Said It.

Posted 6:21pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Tsingtao is an absurdly popular and massively selling beer. It’s the pride of the Chinese export market, and beloved by expats and fans around the world.  I have no idea why, because it’s fucking awful.  When I was 17 I went to Hong Kong and got really excited because I Read more...

Love Is Blind | Sally and Harry

Posted 6:08pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Ombrellos and Cello. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Sally After a four-month dry spell my standards have Read more...

Dear Aunt Kell and Mamma Zo, It’s Getting Cold. How Do I Find a Compatible Spoon?

Posted 6:06pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport

First we need to identify what you mean when you refer to a spoon. Do you mean a teaspoon, a utensil used for the movement of liquid to mouth, do you mean to hit a ball in a slow lobbing fashion, or do you mean a body you can lie down next to, and kind of reverse your arse into? We’re Read more...

The Week the ODT Thought of Something Very Clever

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

While the ODT have always been known for their fascination with life’s most banal moments, this week they sunk to a new low when the entire staff was enraptured by a new type of grass.     Then, we found an amazing section called “Wordways,” where the ODT Read more...

Mr. Sandler, Bring Me a Dream | Billy Madison

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

Before starting this week’s review, I would like to take this time to declare that I am officially sick. Now I’m not blaming anyone in particular, but I think Rob Schneider is involved somehow (I feel like he’s the kinda dude that wouldn’t sneeze into his elbow). I am Read more...

Everyone Fries Chicken Wrong and You Need to Stop

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by The Scarfie Chef

If there’s one mistake that you’ll see over and over again from newbie cooks in Dunedin’s student flats, it’s awful chicken. You know the kind – cubes of grey-ish white, bland, tough meat that nobody enjoys. Chicken is fucking delicious, but if you’re frying it Read more...

Scrumpy Is an Arsehole of a Drink

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Scrumpy is an arsehole of a drink. It’s the fake friend who pretends to be your mate, and then talks shit about you to all of your friends and family (I’m talking about you, Steve). It’s labelled sweet, but it’s as sour as my ex that one time I took her to Macca’s on Read more...

Love Is Blind | Scarfie and Scaffolder

Posted 6:31pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Ombrellos and Cello. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Scarfie  This was a terrible idea. I’m a Read more...

Dear Aunt Kell and Mamma Zo, I’m throwing my first red card this weekend, what do I need to know?

Posted 6:27pm Thursday 19th July 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport

Make sure you clear the entire day, even if the party starts late in the morning at like 5pm. And always have a bevvie or two before your guests arrive so your guests know that you’re out for a fun time and not just out to be a control freak.  Red cards need a unique theme. For Read more...