Archive

Dunedin Flat Names Project | Being Something You’re Not

Posted 10:37pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Sarah Gallagher

Flats with names like Dunedin Police Department, Department of Corrections, and Bed and Breakfast, had homemade signs and were obviously not what they claimed to be. Sometimes signs, like Dunedin Casino or the Glenorchy Tavern or Speight’s, have been “acquired”. There are a couple Read more...

Food Reviews | Mainland Edam Cheese

Posted 10:35pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by David Emanuel

Mainland’s Edam 1kg block is the cheese of the people (when it’s on special at the same price as the budget stuff). It is a staple of both the upper and working classes, and that strange place at the bottom of the social hierarchy that students occupy. It is to the purveyor of simple but Read more...

Mr Sandler, Bring Me A Dream | That's My Boy

Posted 10:31pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

OOOOOH MY GOD. HOLY SHIT. NO. NOPE. NO. NO. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS FILM EXISTS. I HAVE NEVER FELT SO ENRAGED AND DISGUSTED AND CONFUSED AT THE SAME TIME. WORDS CANNOT EVEN DESCRIBE HOW TERRIBLE THIS FILM IS. FUCKING HELL ADAM SANDLER, WHAT THE FUCK MAN? WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THIS? FOR REAL THE Read more...

Drinking Victoria Bitter Makes You a Bad Person

Posted 10:29pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Victoria Bitter is the most embarrassing thing about Australian cricket right now. With all the shenanigans going on, a review of this atrocity seemed appropriate. Watching Davey Warner cry was about as awesome as the first time I got a boner, and twice as satisfying. Cutting straight to the Read more...

ODT Watch | The Week the ODT Did Exactly What They Always Do

Posted 10:07pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

The ODT’s actions this week are shrouded in secrecy       Then some classic ODT whinging   ‘It’s bad, but has been worse’ is both the ODT’s catchphrase and a good description of them.       In classic Read more...

The Post-Fact World | Issue 06

Posted 9:54pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

Anteaters don’t actually eat ants, they just give them a little ride on their tongue It’s illegal to eat party mix if you’re not having a party One square of toilet paper is exactly enough paper for a dolphin to choke to death on Wombs are reverse tombs The Dunedin Read more...

Real Facts | Issue 06

Posted 9:51pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

The Queen does the washing-up once a year. There’s a special hut at Balmoral for her to do it in. Fighter pilots in stressful situations release such large amounts of hormones that they may ejaculate. German city Trier has replaced some of its crosswalk lights with tiny images of Karl Read more...

Experts Confirm Grant Robertson Would Be Fucking Great to Get on the Piss with

Posted 9:35pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

The Minister of Finance has been assessed by experts who have confirmed that he would be able to sink a lot of piss and entertain people with his belly laughs. Robertson confirmed this, saying “Yeah, fucking oath. I’m an old school rooster.” The former OUSA President said he only Read more...

DCC Planning Controversial Merger with Comics Giant DC

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Critic

In a move that is angering fans of the local government authority, the Dunedin City Council has announced a merger with Detective Comics. “Nothing in the DC Universe persuades me that they have any respect for city councils,” said one die-hard fan of the DCC. “Their Read more...

Ed Sheeran Says Dunedin ‘Kinda Clingy’

Posted 9:34pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Mel Ansell

Ed Sheeran is reportedly “disturbed” by Dunedin misinterpreting his desire for a one-weekend no holds barred, no strings attached song-fest. He said he’d come to Dunedin making it clear he was only here for “a good time, not a long time”. It was unusual for Sheeran to Read more...

The ODT’s Most Punishing Ed Sheeran Puns

Posted 9:28pm Thursday 5th April 2018 by Joel MacManus

Readers of the ODT this week were bombarded with a barrage of the highest form of humour known to the ODT’s reporters – painfully forced puns.      The first ever Ed Sheeran pun in the ODT, from way back when the tour was first announced. No one could’ve Read more...

Bosch, 3M in Bidding War to be Official Sandpaper Sponsor of Australian Cricket Team

Posted 4:45pm Wednesday 28th March 2018 by A Scarfie

Industrial Sandpaper companies Bosch and 3M are reportedly in a heated bidding war over the coveted sandpaper sponsorship rights for the Australian cricket team.  While in recent years the sandpaper supplier has been considered a low-level sponsorship deal, the deal is considered Read more...

Impoverished man convinces self that he actually doesn’t mind the taste of Double Brown

Posted 12:39pm Wednesday 28th March 2018 by A Scarfie

Commerce student Dan Marlow totally reckons he actually likes the taste of notoriously cheap and nasty beer Double Brown. “Yeah it’s pretty good, honestly. Goes down a treat if it’s super cold. Tastes the same as pretty much any other beer.” When asked what inspired his Read more...

For a Building, UniPol Is Looking Super Judgy Right Now

Posted 12:28pm Wednesday 28th March 2018 by A Scarfie

Man, UniPol is totally looking like an asshole right now. Shut your stupid face, you dumb building. I don’t even care, it’s just a pizza. OK, it’s like the third straight day I’ve had pizza. And this is three straight nights of drinking. Still, I’m an adult. Shut up, Read more...

Man Left Embarrassed After Yet Again Failing to Find the Vagina

Posted 12:27pm Wednesday 28th March 2018 by A Scarfie

“Up a bit, no, too high. Fuck it, I’ll put it in myself then,” a Dunedin man’s partner was overheard loudly exclaiming during one of their bi-monthly hanky-panky sessions. The man, whose meaty highlighter reportedly shrunk to a chewed pencil stub with shame, told the Read more...

Mature Student Has an Interesting Life Story to Share With All 200 People in Lecture

Posted 12:24pm Wednesday 28th March 2018 by A Scarfie

The entire class of LAWS101 considered themselves lucky on Tuesday, after mature student Edith van Borkel treated them all to a fascinating and highly informative tale about her own life. Everyone was enthralled as she spent a full eight minutes describing her son’s brief encounter with the Read more...

Hilarious Lad Comments “Is This the One You Told Us About?” On Mate’s New Facebook Friendship

Posted 12:22pm Wednesday 28th March 2018 by A Scarfie

Part-time surveying student and full-time hilarious memelord Connor Mannering absolutely stitched up his mate with a gag you’d never see coming! After friend Tom York was added by local girl Moira June, Mannering swooped into the comments, implying that York had been sexually interested in Read more...

The Critical Tribune | Issue 05

Posted 11:37pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Critic

Report: Most Snapchat Group Snaps Are Just Hungover Dudes Talking About How Hungover They Are According to figures released by Snap Inc, upwards of 80% of male Snapchat group conversations are just dudes lying in bed dying of alcohol poisoning the night after they all got drunk together. Read more...

Real Facts | Issue 05

Posted 10:51pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Critic

In his lecture notes, Stephen Hawking wrote “Galeelaeo” and “Ahristottal” so that his speech synthesizer would pronounce the scientists’ names correctly. The term “slapstick” comes from a device used in 16th-century Italian stage comedy — a stick Read more...

The Post Fact World | Issue 05

Posted 10:49pm Thursday 22nd March 2018 by Critic

Paper is made out of trees, therefore books must be made out of very big trees Sunglasses are actually made to shield the sun from our harsh, judgy eyes ‘Vagina’, ‘vulture’ and ‘vuvuzela’ all come from the same Greek word meaning ‘scary’ Salad Read more...