How To Be a Less Shit Cook | Onion Dip

How To Be a Less Shit Cook | Onion Dip

Have you been searching for the perfect food to serve friends on any occasion? Look no further because the classic kiwi onion dip is undoubtedly the GOAT. It combines delicious flavours with luscious textures while maintaining a balance of simplicity and flair. One of its best features is that even the slowest of polytech students could put this masterpiece together with minimal confused grunts. 

The key is using only the finest of ingredients hence a trip to your local boutique market PAK’nSAVE. 

1. Scour the shelves for Pams reduced cream, this is the base of your dip and provides the beautiful texture as well as being the perfect vessel to carry the complex flavours of this dish. 

2. You will need some high-grade maggi onion soup mix, which is the Shaq to the reduced cream’s Kobe, ‘cause without this the reduced cream ain’t winning shit but together they’re an unstoppable force of flavour. 

3. Now for those of you experienced in the culinary arts you may also purchase a fresh lemon or some vinegar to add, but be warned this is only for those with a practiced hand, or else the consequences could be… well, very minor.

4. Now for the assembly, and read closely because this is the hard part. First you fetch a bowl, one large enough to hold all of the ingredients (I would say medium sized) and enough room for a good stir. 

5. The next step involves a high level of skill and dexterity as you must locate the pull top on the reduced cream and carefully pull up and then across ensuring that the pull tab doesn’t fully separate from the can. When you have successfully opened the can empty the ingredients into your appropriately sized bowl then rinse out the empty can and place in the recycling bin (We’ve only got one world folks let’s look after it!). 

6. Take your onion soup mix and locate the little bit of writing that says “tear here” and do exactly that. However if you do this with too much force you run the risk of covering your face with white powder and losing its valuable flavour in your finished dish. When successfully opened, empty the contents into your bowl that is appropriately sized and stir with a fork. As you do this feel free to add the splash of vinegar or lemon juice to make it truly gourmet. 

Cover and chill for at least 15 minutes before serving alongside chips, carrot sticks but not celery sticks! Never celery sticks.

Pairs well with: Shrek: “Ogres are like onions,” a cultured palate.

Taste rating: God-tier 

This article first appeared in Issue 17, 2018.
Posted 6:24pm Thursday 26th July 2018 by The Scarfie Chef.