Booze and milky fluids don’t typically go together at the same time – rather, they’re typically separated by a few hours when you’re deep-throating your flatmate’s cousin in the backseat of his Nissan Sentra.
Creamy, chocolaty, and a smooth 17%, Lewis Road Creamery Chocolate Cream Liqueur is an exception. One might remember Lewis Road from a couple of years ago when everyone collectively lost their shit over their chocolate milk. They were sold out everywhere, Trade Me was exploding, and that sweet, sweet milk was hotter than the latest concert tickets. Nowadays, Lewis Road has upgraded to a sexy, alcoholic adult version. Think of your grandma wearing a V-neck sweater. It’s comfortable, it’s familiar, and those sagging breasts are about to feed you some clotted cream. There’s history there, but an unexplored underbelly of forbidden fruits.
Liqueur is strangely comforting, like sex with socks. The chocolate is your warm, sweaty feet. Your naked body is the alcohol that lubricates your social anxiety. The orgasm will come quietly, with a warm aftertaste of a mother’s love. The only thing that’s hard to swallow here is the truth – it’s fucking delicious and you’ve been wasting your time drinking shitty craft beer. You fools. Yeah it’s probably a bit more expensive than the average booze, but if you can afford to spend $17.50 on drunken Maccas every Saturday night, then you can splash out on this. It’s called self-love, Samantha.
Lewis Road Creamery Chocolate Cream Liqueur reminds you of your childhood. The idyllic golden years of chocolate Nesquik and stolen spirits from your parents’ cabinet. Going to birthday parties and having that cute thot from your maths class subtly grind against you in a game of musical chairs. Looking away during movie sex scenes with your parents, but sniffing PVA glue behind the sports field with your mates. It’s classy, but a little bit slutty. I miss you every day Grandma.
Taste Rating: 8/10
Froth Level: Taking some cute photos with the girls before you hook up with your ex.
Pairs well with: Long lines, family reunions, V-neck sweaters.
Tasting notes: The milk that your flatmates keep forgetting to buy. It’s been two weeks.