Archive

Campus Christians Are Throwing Bees at You, Watch Out!

Posted 7:53pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Duck! Cover your face and arms with cloth! Jump in the nearest body of water and breath through a small reed! You just walked past the Campus Christians and they threw bees at you! Not just one bee, they threw a whole hive, a whole swarm, a whole species of bee! The bees are chasing you, zipping Read more...

Fresher Exerts Social Capital by Wearing High School Leavers Jersey Around the Hall

Posted 7:52pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“How else will people know what my nickname is?” questioned Jared, as he headed over to the dining hall. Paired nicely with a tattered super-pass wristband, Jared knew he was being the biggest skuxx in his Auckland Grammar leavers jersey.  Much to Jared’s confusion, two Read more...

Top 10 Ways to Get in Your Lecturer’s Good Books

Posted 7:49pm Thursday 28th February 2019 by Critic

1. Argue with them at every opportunity to show that you are a critical thinker and have moxy. 2. Straight up have an affair with them.  3. Claim to be a relative of their immediate higher-up and demand respect for it. 4. Lurk after class and talk to them all the way back to their Read more...

UoO Moaningful Confessions: Issue 01

Posted 9:59pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Critic

Had a sexual encounter that was unusual, scandalous, or spicy? Send in your moaningful confession to critic@critic.co.nz     I went to Melbourne over the uni break, to get some chill sunny time and serious partying with my cousin Sarah*, because I worked my ass off last year, Read more...

How To Be A Less Shit Cook: Samosas

Posted 8:48pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Gordon Oliver

Now that the pack of Mi Goreng you bought at the start of O-Week has run out it’s time to think about other meal options. Samosas are a surprisingly affordable option, using cheap ingredients and adding flavour with spices. They make a great dinner, lunch, snack, breakfast or anytime food. Read more...

Critic Blind Date: Here for O-Week, Here for an O

Posted 8:39pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Critic

Here for O-Week I’m doing heath sci this year so I knew that this was going to be my only week off before I had to knuckle down. I also knew that this was probably the only week I had a real shot at getting laid. The castle street parties were cool but I didn’t know how to get from Read more...

Critic Booze Review: Bombay Sapphire

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 21st February 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath

When you think of racist old white people, you tend to think of gin. Bombay Sapphire is basically plucked out of Queen Victoria’s wet dream. Wes Anderson would fuck this and call it art.  Gin and tonics were invented for a reason: gin is fucking terrible on its own. The first sip was Read more...

Rheineck Lager Is A Goddamn Scam

Posted 3:18pm Thursday 1st November 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Here's the thing about Rheineck: Every week I stroll past the beer section and see an enticing $14.99 for a 12 pack. ‘Gee, what a great deal’ I think to myself. I’m ashamed to admit the number of times I’ve picked up a box and taken it home, only to realise my Read more...

Famous Grouse Is Pure Fucking Gasoline

Posted 3:15pm Thursday 1st November 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Famous Grouse fucking hurts. It burns with the fury of a thousand young Nats after Winston went with the red team.  It’s a vile liquid that could only come from the sort of country that takes pride in eating haggis, playing the bagpipes and throwing big fuck off logs as far as Read more...

Woodstock Is the Biggest Bitch Drink in New Zealand

Posted 11:30am Wednesday 10th October 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Woodstock a sickly sweet syrupy concoction with a harsh aftertaste that I swear can’t be real bourbon. There’s almost as much sugar in a 12 pack of Woodstock 5% as in four litres of Talleys Ice Cream. There’s more sugar per can in these than in Vodka Cruisers, meaning Woodstock Read more...

People Who Willingly Drink Bavaria 8.6 Are Psychopaths

Posted 11:19am Wednesday 10th October 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

The Bavaria 8.6er is beer flavoured paint stripper in a convenient 440ml can. I'm 86% sure I once saw Bear Grylls use this to start a fire on Man vs Wild. The fiery lick of this "beer" hurts more than the idea of a left wing government hurts Mike Hoskings feelings. I’d rather Read more...

New Zealand Lager Is the Most Influential Beer in This Nation’s History

Posted 10:47pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

New Zealand Lager is a triumph. Brewing in this country has a long and rocky history, with a lot of bad beers and a lot of good beers. But none has been greater than this delectable drop. Fun Fact: the country ‘New Zealand’ actually derives its name from New Zealand Lager, because it is Read more...

The Week the ODT Tried to Make Old People Feel Better About Dying

Posted 8:27pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Welcome to the last ODT Watch of the year. To start this week, apparently a local fish and chip shop has been amassing weapons of mass destruction.       Tsk. You can never tell with some culinary establishments. One day they’re saying they love you and the next Read more...

All The Time We Scooped the ODT This Year

Posted 6:51pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

Critic: 26 February – Re:Fuel Rebrands as Ubar ODT: 28 March - Business as usual for University Bar    Critic: 5 March – University Cracks Down on Initiations ODT: 7 March – Students Excluded Over Urine and Booze-soaked Initiation   Critic: 5 March Read more...

Lunchtime Quickie

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by The Scarfie Chef

Buckle in, because this is a gamechanger. I’m about to teach you how to make food that looks like store-bought mini-savouries but way, way cheaper for your broke ass.  This recipe can be changed depending on what you have on hand, the only ingredients you absolutely need are eggs and Read more...

Love is Blind | JFK and Marilyn

Posted 4:37pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to Ombrellos and Cello. That's it for the year! If you want to give the Critic Blind Date a shot, we'll be accepting applications again from February 2019.     JFK I Read more...

Dear Aunt Zo and Uncle Jim, what are the top ten pieces of advice, in the whole world?

Posted 3:03pm Thursday 4th October 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis

Ranked, in order: Always make sure a glass of wine is available Drive a large vehicle and then you can see more Fun and failure start the same way Advice is much harder to make up if you don’t have it pre-prepared The best way to keep your clothes white is by using warm wash, Read more...

The Week We Were Too Busy to Read the ODT

Posted 12:10am Friday 28th September 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week ODT is a little bit different. In celebration of our ODT issue, and because we were too busy gossiping about OUSA to actually read the newspaper, ODT Watch presents our favourite excerpts from the last two years.   To start there was that time that the ODT forgot what the word Read more...

Mr Sandler, Bring Me a Dream: Click

Posted 5:41pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

I’m not gonna lie, I’m getting a bit emotional. This is my last Adam Sandler review for the year, and what a journey we have been on. After 18 films, a discourse analysis on brand identity, and one terrible comedy album, I still question why I set myself up to do this.  I Read more...

White Rhino is the Best New Drink of 2018

Posted 5:38pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

White Rhino, just like white people, is absolutely all over North Dunedin these days.  These tins, with the simplest graphic design imaginable, and an even simpler recipe, have taken the student quarter by storm. Nothing has got the people of North D this enraptured since, well, last week Read more...