Archive

Moaningful Confessions | The River Thames

Posted 8:31pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Critic

I was fresh. Fresh to death some would say, and on my own in London. And when left alone in a new city in a different country, with extremely limited resources, what is one to do? Explore your sexuality with strangers!  Luckily a strange and suspiciously handsome man was willing to oblige. Read more...

Amazing! Child of Real-Life Medical Doctor Is Doing Health Sci

Posted 8:26pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

The rumours are true. A Critical Tribune investigation has found that the child of an actual, actively practicing medical doctor is doing health sci at Otago this year.  The child, which the Tribune has chosen not to name in order to preserve their privacy, said that until recently, she had Read more...

Touching! “Evil” Landlord Donates Generously To Charity, Proves Naysayers Wrong

Posted 8:25pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Who says landlords are pure evil? While some of our more extremist writers like to push this sensationalist, one-sided argument, in the pursuit of fairness and balance, the Tribune can EXCLUSIVELY reveal a landlord branded as “evil” and “fraudulent” actually has a real heart Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 8:20pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Alice Taylor

Time to Potluck I take potlucks so seriously that I do fear that I suck the fun and joy out of the process for everyone else. Tiramisu is the ultimate potluck meal. It is sweet, when most people bring savoury. You can make it in advance. You keep it in the fridge and don’t need to bake or Read more...

Booze Reviews | Vailima 6.7

Posted 8:18pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Chug Norris

Feeling drained, literally, by my Fizzliss experience last week, I decided to fortify my strength by returning to my origins: Beer. I went into Henry’s and picked up something called “Vailima.” The name alone intrigued me. Just in time for Samoan language week, I learned that Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 8:12pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Olivia Rodrigo’s entire new album being about her shitbag ex. Favourite Crime hits very diff. Name and shame baby x J Lo getting back with her ex after almost my entire lifetime. Usually I would never encourage that but it’s actually quite a beautiful love story.  The Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 8:07pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Were you silent, or were you silenced? Tabloid scandal to revisit: Going to rehab    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 You need an ego check. Tabloid scandal to revisit: The Crown killed Diana    Aries Mar 21 - Apr 19 Tis the Read more...

Local Produce: Hot Sauce Club

Posted 7:59pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Sean Gourley

Image credit: Rosa Nevison Hot Sauce Club are a recent band on the Dunedin scene. They’ve taken Dunedin by storm with a continuous series of gigs since their venue debut at Starters. Their Spotify is still in the pipes at the moment but check out their Insta @hotsauceclub. The band consists Read more...

EDITORIAL | I’m very tempted to make Critic this TRASHY all the time

Posted 3:23pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Erin Gourley

Howdy folks and welcome to the Critic Tabloid issue! Oh boy, oh boy, do we have some salacious stories for you in this one! We’ve finally lost all sense of direction and become an actual rag! We’ve filled this bad boy right to the brim with some piping hot scoops that were legally Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Double Dipping

Posted 1:03am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic

Back in the innocent days of my youth (i.e. early 2020, before the world went to shit) I decided that I was going to spend my year overseas. However, I had one last conquest to tick off before I did so. Under the ruse of coming back to see my friends for one last hoorah, I arrived in Dunedin with a Read more...

Guy Buys Girlfriend Incorrect Tampons, Hailed By The Boys As Hero

Posted 1:01am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Davo was recently the talk of the town after actually nipping up to Gardens New World to buy his girlfriend sanitary products. “What a good guy,” said his mate Freddy. “So brave”, said Jono, nodding in agreement. Davo told the Tribune that on the way back from picking up Read more...

Flatmate Hasn’t Cleaned Mooncup in Two Years

Posted 1:00am Monday 24th May 2021 by The Critical Tribune

“Bro she just keeps leaving it on the pile of dishes like she expects us to wash it,” said one disgruntled breatha. “Like, what does she think we are, a cleaning service?”  The bleeder’s menstrual cup is a purple, latex design that she describes as Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 12:59am Monday 24th May 2021 by Alice Taylor

M&M Cookies    I find that cookies are a solution to most of life’s tough problems. Is your friend heartbroken? Bake them cookies. Are you stressed? Bake yourself cookies? Friend’s birthday, but you’re poor? Cookies. Need to say sorry? Cookies. To conclude this Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 12:53am Monday 24th May 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Menstrual cups. Very cool and environmentally friendly and they’re way easier to insert than they look.  Period sex. Chuck a towel down and get amongst it fellas. Getting your period just when you’re about to head to the Albany St Pharmacy for a pregnancy test. A Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 12:49am Monday 24th May 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 With exams approaching, you may need to work on your attention span.  This week’s craving: a whole bag of twisties   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Time to snuggle up, cry and shut yourself out from the world.  This week’s craving: Read more...

Library Fine CDOs the Future of University Financial Strategy

Posted 4:46pm Wednesday 19th May 2021 by Critic

In a stroke of genius, the University of Otago has bundled individual outstanding library fines, referred to as book-backed securities (BS), into collateralised debt obligations (CDOs) made up of thousands of outstanding fines. It is rumoured that the promising financial strategy was adopted in Read more...

Local Man Talks Back To Mechanic, Becomes New Alpha Male

Posted 4:45pm Wednesday 19th May 2021 by Critic

In what was hailed as a world-first, a Dunedin man has successfully challenged his mechanic for the coveted position of alpha male. It began when Rob noticed the automatic transmission on his beloved 2011 Volkswagen Golf was beginning to shift oddly. He took it to Mike’s Mechanics down the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Gym-buddies With Benefits

Posted 5:14pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Critic

I had never been much of a gym girl. I did the occasional squats, cardio, dumbbells and all that jazz, but I’d never fully committed. So, one day, I thought I’d finally start working towards my lifelong goal of becoming as buff as Korra. This entailed getting a gym membership that I Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 5:12pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Alice Taylor

Bacon, Broccoli and Pea Risotto  This is my go-to recipe for when I don’t want to wash up lots of pots and pans. It’s simple, it’s delicious, and everyone loves it. My favourite thing to do with a risotto is to add camembert or brie cheese. I know it sounds a bit weird, but Read more...

Woodstock Bourbon and Cola Raspberry Edition

Posted 5:10pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Chug Norris

Woodstock Raspberry tastes like if a Liquorice Allsort and a rat had a kid. It tastes like a raspberry bun except instead of filling it with jam, they filled with regurgitated Billy Mavs. It tastes like a Razor Scooter to the ankle. It tastes like binge drinking on a dark field when you’re 16. Read more...