Archive

How to Hide Your Vaping From Your Parents

Posted 11:36am Friday 24th April 2020 by Caroline Moratti

During your tender, sweet time at the University of Otago, it’s highly probable that you’ve picked up a nicotine addiction. Let’s face it, sometimes there are parties so shit that you just need to smoke/vape outside in order to avoid your 2nd cousin making ‘come fuck Read more...

Which Witch is Which?

Posted 10:55am Thursday 23rd April 2020 by Fox Meyer

Spiritualism always seems to be in style. It’s time Critic provided a guide for the most common types of modern witches. If any of this makes you rethink your beliefs, you’re probably a shit witch.   The E-Witch Dresses in flowy, raggedy clothing that looks antique but was Read more...

The Scientist and Her Thirteen Ant Colonies

Posted 12:04pm Tuesday 21st April 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

The transition to online classes has been difficult for many students. But what if your studies required access to labs and materials that you can’t recreate from home? What if, say, your research included looking after live creatures? Critic spoke to Eloise Lancaster, an ecology Masters Read more...

How to Spice Up Your Zoom Lectures

Posted 10:42am Tuesday 21st April 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

It's been a few weeks now, and Zoom lectures have well and truly lost their novelty. Lecturers are trying their best, but like some in-person lectures, classes can get boring. Here are some proven ways to spice up your Zoom lectures, keeping yourself alert and ready to learn. Put a Read more...

How to Find a Boyfriend in Club Penguin

Posted 3:28pm Tuesday 14th April 2020 by Caroline Moratti

With Club Penguin back up and running (praise be), I thought I would use this bountiful opportunity to get something I’ve only ever dreamed about: a boyfriend.  The new CP is slightly different: there’s ads on the loading page for one matter and everyone is a member. The class Read more...

A Definitive Ranking of the Uni Clocktower Bongs

Posted 3:38pm Tuesday 7th April 2020 by Kaiya Cherrington

Everytime I sit in my room, the clocktower’s flat chimes remind me that my time in this world is fleeting. Every bong that rattles through my window slowly drives me insane.  Because I have nothing else to do, and to help you all feel a little bit closer to campus, I have categorised Read more...

A Tale of Two Servers: UniCol and Locals

Posted 8:48pm Thursday 2nd April 2020 by Wyatt Ryder

Good and evil. Light and dark. Yin and yang. Mine and craft.  There are few things in life more wondrous than the joy of sharing a beautiful blocky world with your friends. All the epic gamers who haven’t got the new Animal Crossing are spending their lockdown on Minecraft. This Read more...

Essential Dealing: How Unlicensed Pharmacists Ensure a Clean Supply

Posted 8:23pm Wednesday 1st April 2020 by Sinead Gill

If there is ever a time for weed to be legal, it is during a pandemic. Personally, my anxiety has been at an all time high, though I am slowly learning to be kinder to myself for not being as productive as usual. Sometimes, the only way I can sleep is with a cheeky bit of the dev’s Read more...

Art Hoe Training

Posted 3:25pm Sunday 29th March 2020 by Sophia Carter Peters

Famous museums all around the world are offering virtual tours of their exhibits to help pass the endless void of time during this quarantine period. That’s right, VR isn’t just for porn. Now’s your chance to one up that flatmate that went to Europe once and never shuts up about Read more...

The Ultimate Guide to Starting a Flat Orgy

Posted 8:31pm Friday 27th March 2020 by Naomii Seah

Step one Start off nice and slow. You don’t want to spook anyone. Complain very loudly about the fact that you’re not having sex while in isolation during flat dinner, or whenever you’re all congregated together. Step two A few days later, suggest that you all watch porn Read more...