Archive

Advice On How To Be A Solo Zen-Dog Traveller For A Year

Posted 5:07pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport

If you’re trying to find yourself, a good place to look is Southeast Asia. If you want to make your trip last a lifetime, get a little tattoo on your wrist or ankle, as a symbol of your personal growth. Reconciling your basic bitch aesthetic with finding yourself while travelling is quite Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Vanessa and Barry B. Benson

Posted 4:22pm Saturday 5th May 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Vanessa I was walking back to my car after work Read more...

The Post-Fact World | Issue 09

Posted 2:38am Monday 30th April 2018 by Critic

Antiherstamines are antihistamines for women Hersterectomies are hysterectomies for women His-t-erect-omies are hysterectomies for men Despite their reputation, cows are actually land mammals - they only go out to sea to die If you are making a cake and you don’t have enough eggs, Read more...

The Week the ODT Blurred a Naughty Word

Posted 2:25am Monday 30th April 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin

We’ve got an ODT classic to start this week off   Reporting on things not happening is quintessential ODT.     Then, a gem from the ‘Secondary Scene’ section, where the ODT features essays from high schoolers because they can’t be bothered Read more...

Mr. Sandler, Bring Me A Dream | I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry

Posted 2:10am Monday 30th April 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

What’s better than this? Guys being dudes. Just two bros’, living their best life, getting married – but no homo though. Basically, Kevin James is in a spot of trouble in terms of pension payments following his wife’s death, and realizes he has no one to take care of his kids Read more...

Dunedin Flat Names Project – Where the Streets Have Many Names

Posted 2:09am Monday 30th April 2018 by Sarah Gallagher

Puns, colloquialisms and obscure references to in-jokes are part and parcel of the practice of naming flats in Dunedin. Making reference to the environment the flat is situated in is a common theme with particular issues or features of the buildings highlighted, such as the colour or state of the Read more...

Tui Bourbon and Cola is a Disgrace

Posted 2:00am Monday 30th April 2018 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Tui Bourbon & Cola is the worst of both worlds. Like combining Andrew Hore with thriving seal colonies. Or Mark Richardson and opinions on anything other than cricket. Or Israel Folau and his opinions on anything. It’s like Mike Hosking, Tony Veitch and Paul Holmes were ground up and mixed Read more...

Advice On How To Reinvent Yourself

Posted 6:53pm Sunday 29th April 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport

Moving to uni is the perfect opportunity to reinvent yourself. Sometimes we think reinventing yourself is a kind of awkward thing to do. As if everyone else would know how doobie you used to be, and that they’d see through your new sheen of me-ness. Well, maybe. But also, whatever. You can Read more...

Critic Blind Date | Bonnie and Clyde

Posted 6:48pm Sunday 29th April 2018 by Critic

The hopeful lovers on the Critic Blind Date are provided with a meal and a bar tab, thanks to the Dog With Two Tails. If you’re looking for love and want to give the Blind Date a go, email critic@critic.co.nz     Bonnie My night started off with me drinking scrumpy Read more...

Clarke Gayford to Step Down from Spending Time with Family to Spend More Time with Family

Posted 5:46pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

Following explosive reports from the NZ Herald that he was “cringey,” and “had an e at the end of his name,” Clarke Gayford has stepped down from his unelected, unpaid public role. “I can’t continue in my position as a ‘guy who likes fishing and banging Read more...

David Seymour Says He “Enjoys Dancing and Other Normal Human Activities”

Posted 5:45pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

ACT Party Leader and Entire ACT Party, David Seymour, says he is looking forward to his appearance on Dancing with the Stars. “It will bring me much joy to make movements with my limbs and body to music. Most humans enjoy this and I do also.” The popular TV dancing show was largely Read more...

Middle-Aged Meth Head Thinks She Can Fit in at Student Party

Posted 5:44pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

A woman notably older than everyone else has turned up to a low-key student party on Cargill Street. Invited in by some really drunk people at the front gate who failed to notice her faded Monster Energy Drink branded hoodie, she has worked her way into someone’s bedroom and has begun sidling Read more...

PC Gone Mad? Dunedin High School Bans All RTDs Over 5%

Posted 5:42pm Thursday 26th April 2018 by Critic

In a controversial move which has many human rights activists up in arms, Otago Boys’ High School has announced that all RTDs containing over 5% Alcohol will be banned from school grounds. “We’ve had a number of issues with Year 9 students turning up to class off their chops on Read more...

Manhunt for Jaywalker Enters 48th Hour

Posted 9:05pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

A citywide search for a criminal crosser has been ongoing since Tuesday afternoon. Dunedin crimester Mathew Denys was spotted crossing the road without a green man by a concerned citizen who contacted police. Police Constable James Everest said “we’ve come close to catching him a few Read more...

Man Returns From Dead to Ask: “U Up?”

Posted 9:04pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

Several mourners of late Dunedin man Chaz Chadderson (19) were shocked to receive a text from him at 2am on Sunday morning. Chadderson, an active participant in the Dunedin community, had been memorialised after he went missing and was assumed dead. Kelsey Summers, Bianca Laurens, Patricia Read more...

Student Claims 1/64th Heritage to Justify Offensive Hyde St Costume

Posted 9:02pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

“I’ve been on Ancestry.com, that means I can dress like a chola,” claims local third year student Becky Kane upon purchasing her Hyde St keg party costume. Kane justified her lazily stereotypical costume of a Mexican drug cartel member through “watching Narcos” and Read more...

Post Facts | Issue 08

Posted 8:52pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Critic

You can bring up any baby animal underwater and it will learn to breath like a fish “Nippy” means cold because all nipples are inherently cold A conversation between three people is called a tri-alouge A provisional conversation between three people is called a trial-alouge A Read more...

Dr Nick | Climate Change, and What You Can Do to Help

Posted 7:51pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Dr. Nick

The world’s climate is changing. “Once in 100 years” storms now seem to be happening yearly. Flooding is becoming increasingly common. Ski conditions are a shell of what they once were. Climate change is here. While the conversation used to be about how to prevent it, the question Read more...

Mr Sandler, Bring Me a Dream | Adam Sandler Himself

Posted 7:49pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Henessey Griffiths

Time to get real with you all. Uni is kicking my ass right now. I’m behind on my work and the last thing I want to do is waste two hours of my time reviewing another shitty Adam Sandler film. I started reading my reviews in his voice as if he was mocking me. The other night I couldn’t Read more...

Critic Food Review | Ginger Kisses

Posted 7:45pm Thursday 19th April 2018 by Cameron De Leijer

Ginger kisses contain both gingers and kisses, blended together in some sort of large grinder, which surely can’t be ethical. Both gingers and kisses are average on their own, but when combined they become equal to the sum of their parts. In Poland in 1942 one lucky solider, Gretchilio Read more...