The Week the ODT’s Opinion Section Really Outdid Itself

To start this week, the ODT are reporting on a truly marvellous occurrence. 



Because of their bad behaviour, Santa normally just skips Balclutha, Milton, and Gore, stops briefly in Invercargill to give Tim Shadbolt his present, and then goes on to Stewart Island, where he gets drunk and eats a kiwi (no judgement; we’ve all done it).


Next, the ODT have been writing letters to themselves again. 



Parry? More like Barry O’Barrigan-Barryson Von Barryburg, son of Barry and Barrisina – Editor of the ODT. 


Then, whoever writes the food section clearly has not had sex in quite a while. 



Although to be fair, no one at the ODT has orgasmed since Bob Sutherland came Runner-Up in the 1981 World Indoor Bowls Championships, whereupon everyone at the ODT came loudly and in unison. 


Some breaking news: 



Wow! It’s a good thing Gillian’s on the case after a serious allegation like that.


This article first appeared in Issue 24, 2018.
Posted 8:23pm Thursday 20th September 2018 by Charlie O’Mannin.