Dear Aunt Kell and Mumma Zo, How Do You Make Bad Food Good Food?

Dear Aunt Kell and Mumma Zo, How Do You Make Bad Food Good Food?

Tihei mauri ora,

Bad food is food that you’ve left in the fridge after you cooked up an extravagant meal three months ago using useless ingredients like crème fraîche that you’ve only used a tablespoon of, which you haven’t touched since.  Bad food is food that is now generating new life forms. Whole colonies, rainbow colours, it’s psychedelic. But it’s not a good psychedelic. It’s just disgusting. 

If you have a flatmate with a bad food problem a good idea is to write their name on it. Then circle the use by date and write on date of discovery. Sit back and wait. Don’t be passive though. Make sure it’s aggressive. 

Aunt Kell’s fav food is cheese and salt. Here are tips to make old food edible: cook it and add salt, if it’s still meh, add cheese. If it’s burnt, scrape or chop the burn off with a knife or a grater. 

To make good food, don’t buy more than you need. Keep it simple get it done. Here is an example of how much a 70 kg person would need to buy for one week’s groceries:

  • 7 x fruit (whatever you want)
  • Several carrots and or mushrooms
  • 2 bags pasta
  • 1 loaf bread
  • ½ block cheese
  • Coffee bag
  • 3 tins fish or some eggs
  • Tinned toms
  • Bag frozen veg

Remember you need seven dinners, one of which must be from Maharajas, Taj Mahal or India Gardens. It is very important to put that curry antibacterial goodness through your system, it prevents against illnesses such as a yardie of blueberry cruisers, or a yardie of yoghurt for the non-alcoholics. We all know that too many probiotics makes you all biotic. 

Remember to sit around that table with whanau and friends, that is the beginning of good hauora.


Aunt Kell, Mama Zo

This article first appeared in Issue 25, 2018.
Posted 5:37pm Thursday 27th September 2018 by Zoe Taptiklis-Haymes and Kelly Davenport.