Archive

Booze Review | Smirnoff Cranberry Cask

Posted 12:39pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

If you’re anything like me, alcohol that doesn’t taste like alcohol is the best kind of alcohol ever. Smirnoff’s goon sack of cranberry juice and vodka is that alcohol. I’d be convinced that it was just pure cranberry juice if it didn’t make me send 3am ‘u up? Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Mushroom Risotto: The Perfect Boozy Meal

Posted 12:34pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Not to promote cooking and drinking (sorry NZ fire-safety ads from 2012), but risotto truly is the one dish where a glass of wine in hand is practically essential, or at the very least encouraged. The art of cooking risotto is a long, slow, and savoury process. There’s very little pressure Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Week Two Without Porn - Desires of the E-Flesh

Posted 12:30pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Critic

Things were happening to my body this week. I never realised how weird masturbating without porn was until I forced myself to do it. Firstly, it was hard to get a good hard erection going. I could get one that just did the job, but it wasn’t the throbbing pleasure stick I wanted. I also found Read more...

EDITORIAL: The Exec Are Too Comfortable Making Decisions Behind Closed Doors

Posted 9:12am Monday 6th July 2020 by Sinead Gill

Critic Te Arohi is famously anti-weed, so it’ll be no surprise to you that my hackles were raised when the Exec made the decision to actively encourage Otago students to vote ‘yes’ to cannabis legalisation in the upcoming referendum. I was raised Catholic; it felt sinful enough to Read more...

Vape Review | Nek Minty Aotearoa E-Juice

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 5th July 2020 by Critic

Ha ha guys remember when Nek Minute was a thing?! When the whole country mercilessly ridiculed a dude for his poor vernacular and how he looks? How funny is that! It’s not like that joke originated in 2011 and has died out becoming not funny anymore. I’m so glad it’s 2020 and the Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 9

Posted 10:18pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 My resentment towards you Aquarius is wearing off. You’re actually pretty cool. Do with that what you will. Also get out of doing flat dinner this week by simply not coming home after a night out. Your Re-O regret: Falling over in your own Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Dumplings - Pork & Scallion

Posted 10:13pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Sometimes you don’t want a plate consisting of one meal, one story. You want many tiny little meals, many tiny little stories. Each mouthful the beginning, middle and end. Dumplings are the perfect meal to cook and eat with friends. Every person gets a turn at folding the wrappers and Read more...

Booze Reviews | Free-B's

Posted 9:56pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Anon

Victorian Bitters, a classic Australian beer. Sitting at around $13 for a 6 pack, you definitely get your money’s worth. However, are VB’s actually a pleasurable beer to drink? Yes and no. If you are a 20-year-old skater or middle aged Australian man, then you’d probably say that Read more...

The Critic Bachelor

Posted 9:51pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Jack Manning Age: 22 (“and a half!”)  Occupation: OUSA President  Star sign: Sagittarius Degree: BSc in Computer Science, DipGrad in Marketing  Celebrity Crush: Gal Gadot His friends describe him as: Kind, a little bit introverted, and humble. Last STI Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Unfucking my Brain: One Month Without Porn

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Critic

Porn has undeniably screwed with my brain. There is no questioning that. It has changed how I think about and approach sex. It continues to burn holes through my dopamine receptors. It’s changed how I think about both women and men. I’m in my twenties, and looking at how I consume porn Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Speight's

Posted 12:28am Friday 22nd May 2020 by F. Thot Fizzgerald

Speight's in a can, Speight's in a bottle, and Speight's on tap are all vastly different drinking experiences. Although it may technically be the same beverage, I’m willing to bet my life that the material and/or spiritual energy of the vessel fucks with the taste. Here is Read more...

Vape Review | Strawberry Kiwifruit Aotearoa E-Juice

Posted 10:33pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

Who needs Covid-19 when you can get self-induced Bronchitis from vaping too much over quarantine? If you’re gonna inject your lungs with some nicotine, it might as well taste nice. That’s why the Strawberry Kiwifruit Aotearoa E-Juice results in a pleasant vaping experience. You Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth: Custard: Soup, but make it dessert.

Posted 10:29pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

There are times in life when you don’t want to make a meal for yourself, but you also want to cook something. There are times when you want dinner, but actually, really, only want dessert. Custard is easy and gooey and somehow deeply nostalgic. Eat a whole pot of it and call it a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Antonio and the Tonsils

Posted 10:27pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

So, our tale begins in the US, where I was staying with my parents over the summer holidays. During that time I had the perfectly rational horny thought to check out some American tinder boys. After some extensive swiping, I finally found someone half-decent. For the sake of this confession, Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 8

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

Aquarius  Jan 20 - Feb 18 This year is flying by and so are your opportunities to make long lasting friends that you don’t exploit.  Your song to stream this week: Privilege - The Weeknd   Pisces  Feb 19 - Mar 20 You get a glimpse of freedom and Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Issue 7

Posted 1:10am Friday 15th May 2020 by Critic

Alright lads, I’ve got a problem. I don’t know if it’s something developmental, or if it’s just that I’ve been shacked up for six weeks without a shag, but I’ve had more wet dreams during the lockdown than I’ve had in my entire life.  I’d be Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Rabbit Ranch Pinot Gris

Posted 11:53pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

When esteemed Dunedin South (now Taieri) electorate member of parliament, Clare Curran, came to Critic for an intense debate, she brought wine along with her. She brought Rabbit Ranch, a fruity sav that tingles the throat with every sip. Nice attempt to intimidate us Clare, but we deal with Harlene Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 7

Posted 4:12pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Critic

Aquarius  Jan 20 - Feb 18 While you lay in bed looking out the window, the moon will tell you that your next period will be extremely heavy as punishment for being you. The duration of your menstrual bleeding: Five days, but they will be hell.   Pisces  Feb 19 - Mar Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Tacos: for a Celebration

Posted 4:04pm Thursday 14th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Everyone loves tacos. There’s a reason that the humble dish appeases both the fiercest of enemies, the basic white girl and the hipster. Tacos are juicy, spicy, comforting and the meal I would reach for to celebrate the end of a devastatingly long lockdown. It’s the end of Autumn so, Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Vegan Korma

Posted 4:23pm Sunday 10th May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

I spend a lot of my time and money pretending to be a young professional, when in fact, I’m actually a dumb, poor student. This includes behaviour such as spending outrageous sums of money at bars, buying clothes that do not suit any of the places I go, and practicing fancy recipes to cook for Read more...