Archive

Moaningful Confessions | Three’s a Crowd

Posted 5:28pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Critic

There I was, fresh into my first year at Otago, having spent the first-half semester with my virginity still intact. Not wanting to enter my Fresher Hoe Phase a novice, I was desperate to get some experience during the mid-sem break. Luckily, my friend had the smartest idea: “Why not knock out Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 5:25pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image supplied by Fraser. We were close to last week’s correct location, but not quite there. Paul’s photo was snapped from a building window higher up and further back than we thought, because he cropped the photo to make it harder. Curses! First thoughts: Read more...

Booze Review | Jack Daniels

Posted 5:22pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Chug Norris

Although most American products are marketing-heavy and quality-poor, sometimes they get things right. Jack Daniel’s is one such thing and it blows all of its poncy European rivals out of the water. JD is delicious, cheap, and, above all, it is far less pretentious than most other Read more...

Skuxx Food | Mushroom and Spinach Carbonara

Posted 5:21pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Because it contains mushrooms and spinach, this is by no means a traditional carbonara, and is enough for your favourite Italian Davide to call you a “liar, an actress, and to get the fuck out”, but that never stopped Ekin-Su and shouldn’t stop you Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 15

Posted 5:18pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Your lust and love for life is admirable, but remember: sometimes shit is rough. Not everything can be fun all the time, and sometimes you have to do the hard yards. Bad habit to break: being irresponsible with your finances.   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar Read more...

Editorial: Chlöe Swarbrick Knows Muay Thai

Posted 2:21pm Sunday 17th July 2022 by Fox Meyer

Last week, experienced Muay Thai champion and Green MP Chlöe Swarbrick defended her title against the underqualified and inexperienced challenger Fox Meyer, editor of Critic Te Arohi, in what viewers described as a “one-sided beatdown for the ages”. “I didn’t know Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | An Intimate Knowledge of Criminal Activity

Posted 12:46pm Sunday 10th July 2022 by Critic

I’m going to have to keep this kinda vague because I’m scared that someone will burn my house down, but here goes. A few months ago, I was enrolled in this course. I was living in the town, and was surrounded by people from all over. It was a great time, I learned heaps, and although I Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 14

Posted 12:44pm Sunday 10th July 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 If you’re reading this, it’s a sign to abandon all sense of responsibility and chase your dreams. Don’t let social norms confine you.  Re-O Activity: A skiing getaway.    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Chances are, you’re Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 2:29am Saturday 9th July 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image provided by Paul. We got last issue’s submissions pretty much correct: Elias was “pretty much” on the roof of the Place Seffarine, Fez, Morocco.  First Thoughts: Well, it’s definitely a tower, and it looks all festive and fun. I Read more...

Booze Review | Wild Buck

Posted 2:26am Saturday 9th July 2022 by Chug Norris

There has never been as grim a beer as Wild Buck. It may be marketed as some sort of salt of the earth, deep country beer, but the reality is it’s just a mixture of sludge dredged from the bottom of the Waikato, and fermented deer piss. It is feral. If you are ever unlucky enough to find Read more...

Skuxx Food | Lemon, Leek and Pea Risotto

Posted 2:25am Saturday 9th July 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

Cleanskin wine is more than a golden dollar-to-standard drink ratio, it's a valuable ingredient. When you actually decide it's gross and can’t drink it anymore, you can use it to make a bangin’ risotto the next day! So versatile! Serves 5 people Ingredients:  1 onion, Read more...

Fuck it, Minions Editorial

Posted 11:21pm Friday 8th July 2022 by Fox Meyer

God, I can’t believe there’s minion content in the magazine. I’m so sorry. It’s not always like this. I play this game where I try to go 24 hours without seeing a minion. I have not won the game, and now that you’ve joined the game, the curse is upon you too. So, Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Goon, blood, and lies

Posted 7:29pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Critic

WARNING: This story is extremely chaotic but feels too good not to share. As this story has come up at numerous kickons, and has haunted me for the past year, I feel it is my duty to publicly confess the fateful events that happened that night. I’m sorry in advance.  Picture a Read more...

Horoscopes: Week 13

Posted 7:24pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Sometimes, you need to take some time out for yourself. Things have been rough, and you’ve been going through it. But just remember, there is light at the end of this tumultuous tunnel.  Exam de-stress: a walk in the botans.   Pisces Feb 19 Read more...

Mr. Worldwide

Posted 7:10pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Mr. Worldwide

This week, we have an image provided by Elias. We got last week’s entry correct, the photos from Joe were taken at Cecil King’s Hut in Kahurangi National Park and the Khemarin Palace in Cambodia. You can’t hide from Critic, Joe. First Thoughts: Looks like Tatooine. I’m Read more...

Booze Review | Estrella Damm

Posted 7:05pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Chug Norris

Estrella is a beer like no other – except every other beer in Europe. It is Spanish, it is mild like the Mediterranean climate, and for some reason every bottle is shaped like a wine bottle – probably to deceive the Spanish to believe they are still drinking a grape-based beverage. Read more...

Skuxx Food | Peanut noodle salad

Posted 7:00pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Rosie Joyce @skuxxfood

A genuinely easy noodle salad that only leaves you with a few bowls to clean in the end. I hope you have a lot of peanut butter. Serves 6. Ingredients:  Salad:  Around 200 grams of rice stick noodles  1 tablespoon of sesame oil 450 grams frozen edamame beans, Read more...

Editorial: Video Game Underwear

Posted 4:14pm Sunday 29th May 2022 by Fox Meyer

We all know that women’s armour in video games is absurd. You’ve got a whole-ass knight in shining armour with a flaming sword facing off against a witch who’s wearing essentially a few leaves and a vine. Lara Croft is in a tank top, and don’t even get me started on Mortal Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Silent but Deadly

Posted 6:23pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Picture this: it’s a Friday night (or rather Saturday morning), I’ve had a few cheeky beverages and I’m messaging a hot guy on Snapchat. I swiped right on him on a dating app and we hit it off pretty quickly. Now onto the story. I was surrounded by some friends in a very public Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Ultimate Frisbee

Posted 6:18pm Sunday 22nd May 2022 by Critic

Sorry OUUC, this isn’t what you think. Take a seat, but watch where you put your ass because this is going to be explosive…  Recently, my friends and I went on a romantic getaway for the weekend to a remote location. Tunes were pumping, bevvies were flowing, mosquitos were Read more...