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Horoscope

Posted 2:32pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to give yourself a pat on the back. It’s nearly the end of the year, and you’ve made it this far. Keep pushing onwards my Aquarians xx  Habit to break: procrastination   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 I’ve never met a Read more...

Rate or Hate: Art Edition

Posted 2:21pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Interpretive dance. I’m not being ironic, I literally rate that shit as art.  That ‘Norman For You’ episode called Dumb Starbucks that people thought might be a Banksy installation before the episode aired.  The girl flatmates’ art and wine nights. I Read more...

Editorial: I admit it, we slept on Konya Kebabs

Posted 6:12pm Sunday 15th August 2021 by Erin Gourley

Last week we were inundated with criticism for an article. No, it wasn’t the investigation into neo-Nazis. It was the kebab review. As soon as it was posted on Facebook the comments started. The people were angry. They said, amongst other things:   “WHERE IS Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Sandy Cheeks

Posted 2:39am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Once upon a summer's day, a beautiful princess was finishing her last exam. Her (not really) Prince Charming was waiting outside the exam room with a cup of tea, a packed lunch and his noble steed, a Toyota people-mover with amazing fuel economy. It had been a couple of lonely days with the exam Read more...

Fresher Denies Kissing His Mother

Posted 2:37am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Ethan, a fresher at UniCol, has insisted that he “didn’t even” get a kiss from his mum as she was saying goodbye after a recent visit.  Ethan’s parents were down from Auckland on a business trip and “just thought they’d pop by and see how Ethan was Read more...

City Councillor Encourages Wholesome, Old-Timey Kids Activities

Posted 2:36am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Firebrand councillor Pete No-Fun voiced stern opposition to a planned multi-million dollar kids playground today, saying that it was a waste of money and that he didn’t need a large, elaborate playground to have a perfectly happy, fulfilling childhood.  He spoke up after Mayor A.A. Ron Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 2:33am Monday 9th August 2021 by Alice Taylor

Macaroni and Cheese Few things in life are as good as a bowl of carbohydrate drenched in creamy, cheese laden sauce. Some people like to add veggies to their mac and cheese, and look, I will not judge you if you do that. You are free to make your mac and cheese as you wish. In my opinion though, Read more...

Booze Reviews | NZ Lager

Posted 2:32am Monday 9th August 2021 by Chug Norris

NZ lager is without a doubt one of the most reliable drinks in Aotearoa. Like a plank of four by two, a per capita medal tally, and a piece of number eight wire, it represents the robust, old NZ that may still exist but has been obscured by metropolitan ideals. The can is black, the colour of the Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 2:30am Monday 9th August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Bringing eye drops with you to town, no one needs to know. My family dog not dying (at time of writing, I will update next week). Pushing in the pint night line because you “know someone”. My new best friend happens to be just before those metal dividers. Walking home Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 2:18am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time for your annual breakdown. Make sure you schedule in extra self-care this week. Start using more post-it notes to organise your life.  Workout to try: running    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Do some fucking study for God’s Read more...