Archive

Inventions Out of Time | Pangolins

Posted 12:20pm Sunday 10th September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

3/5 Majestic creatures of the highest rank. Hard to draw. ​   Admonishments to Chelle Fitzgerald for the silly face. There is no room for amusement in this column. Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 22

Posted 11:22am Sunday 10th September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT are reporting on perhaps the best story ever. Yip, it’s a father-son fashion competition. Unfortunately, they provided a picture of a group of winners. Wow, three people wearing caps and sunglasses. What co-ordination, what elegance, what subtle Read more...

Clark V. Woodhouse | Is the New Zealand Health Care System “the Envy of the World”?

Posted 11:10am Sunday 10th September 2017 by David Clark

David Clark The government recently told cancer sector leaders that our healthcare system is “the envy of the World”. That comment has been roundly criticised. Australians are able to access new and innovative medicines, while New Zealanders are not. They know that our cancer Read more...

Editorial | OUSA Finds Itself At a Crossroads, and It’s Down to You to Decide the Route

Posted 10:25am Sunday 10th September 2017 by Joe Higham

During the OUSA Executive Election Forums that were held last week there emerged a clear division in the ideological outlook and approach held by the candidates in the hope of bringing about institutional change. That division was between those intent on working with the university to bring about Read more...

Poetry Corner | Machinations

Posted 2:55pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Mel Ansell

Great cogs turn beneath me. The people and things around me  rotate toward and away from me,  orrerie of some incalculable gravitational  pull. If we are close - let us be close,  lock teeth. For some force is already working  against us, pushing on. The Read more...

Science Tank | Homebrewed Ginger Beer

Posted 2:52pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Equipment needed: 1 30L plastic bucket, an airlock, some sanitiser. All available for under $35 from your local homebrew store.   Recipe: Get your biggest kitchen pot. That one you use to make soup. Fill it up with water and bring to the boil. Grate up 500g of ginger root. Fresh Read more...

Lucky in Love | Edward & Bella

Posted 2:47pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Edward Where do I start? As a fifth year I’ve only ever picked up Critic for this one Read more...

Sage Advice | A Grandfather’s Wisdom

Posted 2:41pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“My grandfather was a wonderful role model. Through him I got to know the gentle side of men.” - Sarah Long   This week a loyal reader has kindly forwarded me an email from her grandad, chock-full of advice. She wishes to keep their identities secret, but I can reveal that Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Hanging Round like a Bad Smell

Posted 2:33pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde, We are yet another bunch of unfortunate second years faced with the issue of a flatmate's unsavoury boyfriend. He has ruined our relationship with our flatmate, who gave him a key without our (or the landlord’s) permission. We’ve asked for his key back twice, Read more...

DB Draught is the Winston Peters of Beers

Posted 2:27pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

DB Draught is an old man’s drink. A sip on the lips is reminiscent of a hard day fucking sheep and feeding the chickens. It’s been around since before any of us could remember, and it will be around long after we die. Just like Winston Peters. If Jesus turned water into wine, then Read more...

The Hell Hole | Things that disgust me Part II

Posted 2:20pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Drinking a glass of someone else’s phlegm. Making out with your dog. Caking your open eyes in dry sand. Swallowing a whole plastic bag then pulling it out again. A couch that someone slept on for thirty years. Fish feasting on a rotten human foot. Your butt pubes and your head hair swapping. Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | The Pope

Posted 1:49pm Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

5/5 Great hat. Also, Popemobile. Read more...

Clark V. Woodhouse | What is the Best Way to Deal with Youth Offenders?

Posted 11:10am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by David Clark

David Clark Over the past few weeks there has been discussion about youth offending, and how New Zealand can address it. The difference in approach between National and Labour on this issue could not be clearer. The current government has announced that they will set up army-run boot camps for Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 21

Posted 11:02am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT is reporting on something that will revolutionise agriculture. Just imagine a future where humans are able to grow crops. Close your eyes and imagine. Just imagine.   Next, the ODT has finally lost the ability to tell young people (people under the age Read more...

Editorial | Bring About Positive Change

Posted 10:13am Sunday 3rd September 2017 by Joe Higham

With the OUSA Executive Election period finally upon us, student political enthusiasts and commentators alike (admittedly a rare, nerdy breed by my own admission) are feeling as though Christmas has come early. For those unaware of what this means, next week you have the opportunity to vote for Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (August 21-27)

Posted 2:08pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Critic

There’s a fairly wholesome week ahead, people! Enjoy the break.   Monday 21 August – Senior Citizens Day While the average Critic reader probably lacks the grey hair of today’s demographic, we all know of at least one senior citizen who deserves a medal. I for one Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Laptop Craptop

Posted 1:46pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde, I have a faulty laptop. Problems started not long after I bought it, but I was too busy to take it back, so I just tried to keep going, but it is not connecting to any wifi and this makes it pretty much useless to me. I’ve taken it in twice and they just send me away Read more...

Wild Moose is Liquid Happiness

Posted 1:37pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

The name “Wild Moose” really does describe this bevvy perfectly. It’s soft and brown but incredibly wild. Try and tame this majestic beast and you may struggle, but if you succeed, you will be treated with the night of your life. Wild Mouse is an inspiring message of hope to all Read more...

Lucky in Love | Fred & Wilma

Posted 1:32pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Fred Having woken up fully clothed and alone on a Sunday, you can only imagine my excitement Read more...

Poetry Corner | institutional blues

Posted 1:22pm Sunday 20th August 2017 by Vanessa

    when theres shit in your shoes and ant it the news when youve done a u turn and noone takes turns left or right or in between no-ones saying  what they mean, institutional yellows like custard pudd, voices in my head saying do what you should but Read more...