Archive

Editorial | Getting an Abortion is Actually Super Chill

Posted 1:45pm Sunday 6th September 2020 by Sinead Gill

To me, joking about getting pregnant and raising a child is the peak of comedy. For 99% of my life I had decided I never wanted children. Throw polycystic ovarian syndrome into the mix - a common symptom of which is infertility - and you have a recipe for a woman who shouldn’t haphazardly take Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Sour Blackberry

Posted 9:43pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

I have a confession to make, I cannot handle any sort of non-bland food. I mean, it’s not really that surprising - I’m white as fuck. Growing up, the most adventurous our dinners would get would be when mum made devilled sausages instead of spag bol. My palette has suffered tremendously Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | All in the TL;DR

Posted 9:42pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Critic

TL:DR = I got fucked bent over the sink of some random castle street flat after Agnew street. I'm sorry. Picture this, it's Agnew St party 2019 (rip), and I was pretty drunk at about 1pm, my rugby girl costume is soaked and absolutely covered in mud, I'm getting ready to leave with my Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Back to Basics

Posted 9:39pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Sometimes you need to go back to the basics before you can graduate from mince on toast flat meals. Cooking can nourish you, surprise you, but also sometimes really fuck you over. There’s nothing worse than mushy rice, burnt pasta or boring eggs. It’s time to acknowledge the shit, Read more...

Booze Reviews | Seltzers

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 3rd September 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

I don't know how to say that I unironically love this beverage without sounding like a shill. But, as Tui prepares to launch a similar product, you can tell that when shit commercial beers start adopting a more femme trend, there’s something good afoot. Seltzers are owned by an Read more...

The Critic Bachelor: Finale

Posted 5:04pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Fuck me, it’s the end of the Bachelor. After weeks of awkward small-talk there are only two girls left standing. Who will win between Amelia and Amanda? The final saga of the Bachelor contains drama, scandal and the kind of fuckery usually only reserved for those who cut the Pint Night line. Read more...

Editorial: South Dunedin Has the Superior Fatty Lane

Posted 4:19pm Sunday 30th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

I think it’s safe to say that except for trips to Pak’nSave or the Warehouse (RIP Kmart), most students who travel south-er than the Octy only do so to surf or get a coffee on the Esplanade and wish that they surf. This whole mag this week is full of reasons why you should visit South Read more...

Vape Review | Simply Salts Berries

Posted 8:27pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

I’ve been through a lot in my lifetime, but I have never felt more devastated than when they stopped selling fruit roll-ups at the supermarket. Those sheets of artificial fruit plastic were outstanding. I remember going to Pak’nSave and begging my mum to buy a packet after getting the Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | What's a 'Slippery Gecko?'

Posted 8:09pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Critic

So there I was, a high achiever in my hall, having just been presented a certificate proudly showing my theatrical abilities. It was the first ‘proper’ award I’d ever won and my god was it sitting on my desk proudly. Had my name engraved in the trophy and everything, but that Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Bao Buns: Fluffy, Tender and Flavourful

Posted 8:03pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Hosted by Caroline Moratti and Alice Jones, along with Pippa Bao buns are tender morsels of savoury delight. Quite frankly, you deserve one. Or several. The umami of the beef and hoisin sauce is rich and salty and pairs wonderfully with the delicate bao. The only comparison I can think of is that Read more...

Booze Reviews | Export 33

Posted 8:01pm Thursday 27th August 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Switching from Export Gold to Export 33 is like switching from Maccas to Subway, except instead of getting arrested for being a pedophile you just become an annoying elitist prick. I honestly have no idea if there are real health benefits in 33, but they do move you at least three social classes Read more...

EDITORIAL: Landlord Doxes Tenants and Critic Staff

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 16th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

Content Warning: Offensive language, racism, sexism, homophobia, death threats(?) A Facebook account - which commenters believe is a fake name that landlord Karen Brown is using to hide her identity - is using social media to dox their tenants and Critic staff. At worst this is hurtful but Read more...

Vape Review | Hunting Cloud Mandarin Harvest

Posted 7:52pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

Okay, I have a serious question. Why do all vape stores always have that certain look to them? You know the one, of a small minimalist room comprised of products in glass casing, a lot of empty space, and usually just one dude ripping the phattest fucking cloud behind the computer. It makes me feel Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Draw Me Like One of Your Clichés

Posted 7:49pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Critic

It was a warm January evening pre-COVID of course, I was alone in my flat midway through the summer school slog once again aimlessly scrolling Tinder looking for a respite from my sweaty boredom. Breathers aren’t really my style, so I was on the hunt for a sexy traveller to fill a few evenings Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Cinnamon Scrolls

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Winter is nearly over, and you’re running out of excuses to stay inside all day and bake. Cinnamon scrolls are a brilliant afternoon bite, and the heated leftovers make for a dreamy, idyllic breakfast. The perfect cinnamon scroll is all about generosity - of size, filling and melted butter - Read more...

Booze Reviews | Speight's Cider

Posted 7:33pm Thursday 13th August 2020 by Dick Bourbonage

Speight's has done so many things to make me the person I am today. It's the best beer I’ve ever been able to afford, it makes me think I’m manly, and it has alcohol in it. As a matter of fact, I base my entire personality on loving Speight's. It's not as tragic as you Read more...

EDITORIAL: Things I Heisted from OUSA President Jack Manning’s Office

Posted 12:58pm Sunday 9th August 2020 by Sinead Gill

OUSA President Jack Manning is a very trusting man. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and he often keeps his office unattended with the door wide open. Often when he does this, it’s because he is in a nearby office or - more likely - in the Critic office being negged by our culture editor Read more...

Vape Review: Fresh Farms Strawberry Farm Cake

Posted 9:46pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Critic

How good was Strawberry Shortcake? She was an icon. The look, her attitude about life, a close group of friends to cause hijinks with, she was everything I wanted to be. I remember growing up, you could buy these Strawberry Shortcake dolls that smelt like strawberries. I was always so mad that real Read more...

Booze Reviews | Pals

Posted 9:45pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

Pals offers three gentle RTDs. They’re unoffensive, decently strong, and come in pretty colors, just like the Powerpuff Girls and, just like the Powerpuff Girls, they’re what I’d give my children to play with. They’ve got fruit in them! That’s pretty good parenting in Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | The Taste of Medicine

Posted 9:44pm Thursday 6th August 2020 by Sinkpiss Plath

It was a cool autumn day. We were in level-2 and my balls were blue. The COVID-19 lockdown had restrained me, but now I was free.  A girl messaged me on Instagram. I vaguely knew her from a martial arts group. She asked if I wanted to get a drink. I don’t drink, but I accepted Read more...