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Horoscope

Posted 2:32pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time to give yourself a pat on the back. It’s nearly the end of the year, and you’ve made it this far. Keep pushing onwards my Aquarians xx  Habit to break: procrastination   Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 I’ve never met a Read more...

Rate or Hate: Art Edition

Posted 2:21pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Interpretive dance. I’m not being ironic, I literally rate that shit as art.  That ‘Norman For You’ episode called Dumb Starbucks that people thought might be a Banksy installation before the episode aired.  The girl flatmates’ art and wine nights. I Read more...

Editorial: I admit it, we slept on Konya Kebabs

Posted 6:12pm Sunday 15th August 2021 by Erin Gourley

Last week we were inundated with criticism for an article. No, it wasn’t the investigation into neo-Nazis. It was the kebab review. As soon as it was posted on Facebook the comments started. The people were angry. They said, amongst other things:   “WHERE IS Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Sandy Cheeks

Posted 2:39am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Once upon a summer's day, a beautiful princess was finishing her last exam. Her (not really) Prince Charming was waiting outside the exam room with a cup of tea, a packed lunch and his noble steed, a Toyota people-mover with amazing fuel economy. It had been a couple of lonely days with the exam Read more...

Fresher Denies Kissing His Mother

Posted 2:37am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Ethan, a fresher at UniCol, has insisted that he “didn’t even” get a kiss from his mum as she was saying goodbye after a recent visit.  Ethan’s parents were down from Auckland on a business trip and “just thought they’d pop by and see how Ethan was Read more...

City Councillor Encourages Wholesome, Old-Timey Kids Activities

Posted 2:36am Monday 9th August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Firebrand councillor Pete No-Fun voiced stern opposition to a planned multi-million dollar kids playground today, saying that it was a waste of money and that he didn’t need a large, elaborate playground to have a perfectly happy, fulfilling childhood.  He spoke up after Mayor A.A. Ron Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 2:33am Monday 9th August 2021 by Alice Taylor

Macaroni and Cheese Few things in life are as good as a bowl of carbohydrate drenched in creamy, cheese laden sauce. Some people like to add veggies to their mac and cheese, and look, I will not judge you if you do that. You are free to make your mac and cheese as you wish. In my opinion though, Read more...

Booze Reviews | NZ Lager

Posted 2:32am Monday 9th August 2021 by Chug Norris

NZ lager is without a doubt one of the most reliable drinks in Aotearoa. Like a plank of four by two, a per capita medal tally, and a piece of number eight wire, it represents the robust, old NZ that may still exist but has been obscured by metropolitan ideals. The can is black, the colour of the Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 2:30am Monday 9th August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate Bringing eye drops with you to town, no one needs to know. My family dog not dying (at time of writing, I will update next week). Pushing in the pint night line because you “know someone”. My new best friend happens to be just before those metal dividers. Walking home Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 2:18am Monday 9th August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 It’s time for your annual breakdown. Make sure you schedule in extra self-care this week. Start using more post-it notes to organise your life.  Workout to try: running    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Do some fucking study for God’s Read more...

GUEST EDITORIAL: I spent six months undercover in a neo-Nazi group and it was not fun

Posted 12:45am Monday 9th August 2021 by Elliot Weir

The only funny moment throughout this investigation was on a hike undercover, when three members of Action Zealandia were captivated by an impressive rainbow stretched out across the Wellington skyline. They insisted that, because it had seven colours rather than six, it was “God’s Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Requires A-cyst-ance

Posted 6:46pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Journey back with me to fresher year. I’d heard about the joy of living next to a Uni campus and shoving Tinder on less than 2km, but I was yet to experience it first-hand until that fateful night. It was exam season so I was ready for some classic D-stressing. After a few slightly above Read more...

BCom Student Reckons Weekly Ski Trips Help You Study

Posted 6:40pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

Toby Tremain, a BCom student at Otago, has made waves with his bold claims that weekly ski trips help rather than hinder your grades. “Yeah look mate, it’s all about balance isn’t it,” he yelled at the Critical Tribune’s sole reporter out the window of OUSA’s Read more...

Dunedin Shitposter Lives Perfectly Wholesome, Balanced Life

Posted 6:39pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by The Critical Tribune

A Dunedin shitposter has revealed the secret to his page’s consistently on-point humour: healthy living.  Tane is the admin of “gear up buttercup,” whose posts about the little everyday struggles of life are beloved by his 23,185 Facebook followers. What few of those Read more...

Fuck, I Can’t Cook!

Posted 6:33pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Alice Taylor

I love granola, but I certainly do not love the price of the store bought stuff. The good granola costs about $2 per seed, and that simply is not okay. So instead, I buy my ingredients in bulk and make it at home. This is the basic recipe, but you can mix it up with whatever nuts and seeds you Read more...

Guest Edition Booze Review: Water

Posted 6:30pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Bert "Diggity Dog" Dangerfield

Salutations, it’s your old mate Bert Dangerfield (Ex Regional Worksafe Co-Coordinator Southern Southland Region) here to talk to you about the elixir of youth. Did you know that multiple studies have consistently shown that there is no safe level of alcohol consumption? Alcohol has Read more...

Rate or Hate

Posted 5:38pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Sasha Freeman

Rate My friend who suddenly cares about the Olympics because she wants to root one of the NZ swimmers. Go queen!! He is probably in a dry spell with those cardboard beds.  Watching breathas get upset on their Instagram stories when Kanye predictably delayed his album, great Read more...

Horoscope

Posted 5:37pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 Stop taking unjustified risks. It’s not funny, it’s just stupid.  Hobby to try: sobriety    Pisces Feb 19 - Mar 20 Don’t let the imposter syndrome bring you down. You got this.  Hobby to try: Read more...

Editorial: The Google game is the best part of the Olympics

Posted 1:21am Saturday 31st July 2021 by Erin Gourley

The Olympics are great. I love being distracted from my life by watching people who are more motivated than me and hotter than me do pointless tasks. But the Google game that they’ve created for the Olympics? It’s even better than the real thing. At first I was confused. It seemed Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Derry Dick

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

It was a typical evening on Grindr. Not much was happening. I was being sent a few unsolicited dick pics y'know, just the standard scrolling and sending boring messages. My ex had broken up with me recently, so at this stage of my life I was near rock bottom.  I started talking to a Read more...