Critic Booze Reviews | Smirnoff Ice Double Black

Critic Booze Reviews | Smirnoff Ice Double Black

Smirnoff Ice Double Black is a drink for children, and adults who are still children at heart. It may technically be alcoholic, but as far as your taste buds would know, it’s just a kind of weird lemonade.

‘Scientists’ will tell you that the amount of guarana in these bad boys is ‘dangerous’, and drinking more than four in a day can be a ‘risk to your heath’. But honestly, those scientists just sound like little stupid nerd bitches, so why would you listen to them.

Chug this nectar back; not only does it get you lit, you also get fun heart palpitations and the feeling that you could stop breathing at any moment.

Smirnoff Ice is the right way to lose your drinking virginity. It’s sweet, gentle, and genuinely cares about you, but has the ability to rock your world. It’s an experienced hand to guide you into adulthood and open your eyes to new experiences and possibilities. A night on this sweet nectar will convert even the strictest of teetotallers.

Double Black is so effective at covering up the flavour of alcohol that it can catch up with you without noticing. It’s like the first game of Never Have I Ever you played with your floor in first year. You start off all sweet and innocent – “Never have I ever been to Kings College,” laughing and getting to know each other. But then someone hits you with “Never have I ever done anal,” and suddenly, without warning, it turns into a roast session and you’re the main course.

The first time I was served Smirnoff Ice, I honestly thought the hosts had been scammed into buying lemonade. But I kept sipping and kept sipping, and, before I knew it, I was on the floor. Smirnoff Ice is sneaky like that.

Ice is a good time, accessible to beginners, but has the ability to level up a night for anyone looking to get fucked up enough to forget all about how shitty their life is.

 

Tasting notes: Carbonated water, high fructose corn syrup, citric acid, sodium citrate, sodium benzoate

Pairs well with: Saveloys, party pies, children’s birthday cake

Taste Rating: 7/10

Froth Level: 11/10

Diabetes Level: Type 2

This article first appeared in Issue 19, 2017.
Posted 12:56pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer.