Love is Blind | Issue 21

Love is Blind | Issue 21

Critic’s infamous blind date column brings you weekly shutdowns, hilariously mismatched pairs, and the occasional hookup. Each week, we lure two singletons to Di Lusso, ply them with food and alcohol, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox.

If this sounds like you, email But be warned – if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will write one under your name.
And that won’t end well for you.


Despite the changing fizz levels, this date was also pretty sub-par.

had a dreadfully early 5am start to my Friday. I was quick up out of bed though as I knew what awaited me in the next 15 or so hours. I had a very busy day, but I was full of childlike anticipation. 

I was first to the date and sat myself down with a refreshing lemon G&T. Only two minutes would pass until she walked in. My first impressions were that she was hot. She sat herself down with a Raspberry and Gin concoction as we greeted eachother. I tried to think of how the choice of drink could have been a metaphor for the two of us, but to be honest, there is no real point … The fizz is already starting to wear off.

The conversion was good, it flowed well, but it must have been 80 percent her and 20 percent me. This didn’t bother me too much but I got the feeling pretty early on that this was going to be a dud. It was her birthday and she had made prior plans to go with friends to the casino not too long after the date would finish. After finishing off the food and the bar tab, we decided to go to the lesbian, gay, bi and transgender association function (how we came to that decision, I’ll never know).

We sat at the bar and fortunately for me some of my mates were working the bar. By this point my fizz levels were next to non-existent. We eventually left and she asked for my number, and suggested we go out on another date the following evening. She was aware that most of these Critic date stories are sub-par and “wanted to get together and make a really good one”. Which I now assume means “you’ll probably never hear from me again”.

On the bright side I was able to get a solid 8 hours sleep, leaving me charged for what would become a successful Saturday night. Fizz levels replenished! I apologise for the time you just wasted reading this.


Bad form for a first date, even if it is her birthday. She brought friends, booked an after-date casino trip, and gave us bad metaphors.

After being asked to do a blind date and with some encouragement from my kind work mate who entered me, I  thought that I could hit two birds with one stone by going on this date ... it was my birthday and as a bar tab is kindly supplied, I thought “free drinks and also a potential birthday bang!”

After arriving at Di Lusso, my potential future husband was already sitting waiting. I was pleased with what I saw so I grabbed a drink and prepared myself. I had enough liquid courage by now to go up and make a fool out of myself and not even care so off I went with my extremely average, never ending chat.

Little did he know, but he was not only on a date with me; my two flatties also came along to help me make good choices and sat at a nearby table. After learning his age, I sadly knew that nothing would come of this as he wasn’t in my range, but I didn’t let that get in the way of some fun. Not long into the night the fire wasn’t the only thing in Di Lusso that was heating up. With a platter supplied, I picked up a gerkin, gave him the eye and began to munch. After a while he started to pick up what I was putting down ... A few more drinks deep and it was time to act. I don’t like to kiss and tell but I would just like to thank Di Lusso for supplying a sturdy hand basin.

A big thanks to Critic for supplying a fun filled way to spend my birthday!


This article first appeared in Issue 21, 2015.
Posted 2:48pm Sunday 30th August 2015 by Lovebirds.