Archive

ODT Watch | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Zane Pocock

Now, now, ODT. We know you represent New Zealand’s farmers, but this headline describes a speech given at St. Margaret’s College: Ever resourceful, the “Opinion” section is forging a new route for print media at large with the informatively entitled rant: Meanwhile, our Read more...

Liberty: How to Spot the Fakers

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Guy McCallum

I love liberty. And we all enjoy the benefits of it. As it turns out, whether or not you have a job you can still pay for all the basics even if you do find yourself struggling. And because of liberty, life is more than what you can do from your wallet: in New Zealand you have the freedom to be Read more...

Editorial | Issue 14

Posted 6:05pm Sunday 7th July 2013 by Sam McChesney

Several depressing things occurred over the break. Babe of the Day happened, the Western Black Rhinoceros became extinct, the Cook closed, and there was that thing on Game of Thrones. I could have devoted this editorial to a rant about any one of those occurrences. But then Josh Pemberton Read more...

Proctology | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Zane Pocock

This week, the Proctor had “nothing of note to report.” Critic speculates this has little to do with imminent exams and is rather the direct result of the Proctor’s continued emphasis on taking caution with red cards. Reports of tea parties and board game nights on Castle Street have Read more...

The Leek | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As semester one draws to a close and exams loom ever nearer, many students are torn between excitement over heading home for the break and apprehension over their upcoming finals. Although Otago’s sprawling campus is home to an impressive number of libraries, computer labs, and study centres, this Read more...

Editorial | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

So we’re at the end of the first semester. It’s been quite, um, yeah. I did have an editorial topic in mind for this issue, but my lawyer advised me not to run it. It was too late for rewrites or rethinks, so a redacted version will follow. Recently _ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ __ _ Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, People often approach me on the street and say “Dr Nick, you sexy pseudonymous beast of a man, why do you spend all your columns pissing on healthcare users and never on healthcare providers?” This unsolicited pedestrian reflection has a point – whilst there are many issues with Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, public health goes on a real rollercoaster ride. June 2, 1692: Quite unfortunately for her, the first suspect in the Salem witch trials went to court. Records say that she was suspected of witchcraft because she wore black clothing and “odd costumes” and had a coat that had been Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Hannah Twigg

This week, I’m going to teach you how to DO science, bitches. This is something you can do in your own kitchen, not something you have to take an RV into the desert for. This one is super easy, and you should have everything you need already (unless you’re so Scarfie that you don’t even have dish Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

3pm: I selected you from all the specials at New World because my math told me you had the highest standard drink-to-dollar ratio (thanks, NCEA Level One), and it was only polite to ensure that I got the most bang for John Key’s buck. I don’t need to take wine-tasting classes from OUSA to know that Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Do you like interactive touch screens? Free stuff? Old stuff? Artistically-lit stuff? Then look no further than Toitū Otago Settlers Museum, handily located next to other such valuable “Get Out of the Ghetto” locations as the Railway Station and the Farmers’ Market. Toitū Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Jess Cole

Thus begins the saga of Otago citizen Cha’nelle Smith (e-mail: sexiihunii4u@hotmail.com). Delighted at the prospect of nabbing a bargain at Dunedin’s fashion Mecca (maybe even that stylish wee number from Pagani?), she and her best gal-pals made the trip in from South D. “A sale is just what Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

Previously, I’ve covered asking people if they’re gay, with the conclusion that it’s not your business. But what happens when it suddenly is? How am I supposed to react when someone asks me if I’m gay? I’m not, but I don’t want to come off as a homophobe when I deny it! You’re right, a Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 2/5 Coffee Cups M and G decided it was necessary when writing a coffee column to visit the institution that is Starbucks, KFC’s “classy” cousin. Dunedin’s branch of this chain of creamy American coffee is located on the corner of George and St Andrews Streets, a prime location for a Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 13

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Lovebirds

YOLO BoySigning up to the Critic blind date and committing to a half-marathon all in one week, all in the name of YOLO. I didn’t know which would be worse. After a few Coronas for the nerves, off to Angus I went. A few friends bunkered down in the bar to spy and provide emotional support should my Read more...

Diatribe | Free and Fair?

Posted 3:03pm Sunday 26th May 2013 by Matt Anderson

So, this whole thing started with a friend asking a question. As benign as it may have been, it led to possibly one of the most expletive-filled rants of my life. Given all the attention Fair Trade has been getting on campus a friend with little (read: no) background in business posed this gem: Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Lovebirds

ClarkSo the day had arrived and, much to my surprise, my nerves were at ease, only to kick in later on. I’m not a drinker, so I had to find other ways to calm my nerves. I got ready and dressed up nice. My best friend walked me, and we discussed how I would introduce myself and if I should go in Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! There’s a column that I meant to churn out during our spate of sexual sicknesses, but I’ve been sidetracked by other topics (poo is funny, don’t listen to housewives). This week I was determined to finish off the column about horses and thrush when I saw the ODT article “Therapy Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This is a week of memorable stories, some perhaps more so than others. May 24, 1830: “Mary Had a Little Lamb,” one of probably very few nursery rhymes based on a true story, was first published. Inspired by an incident where a schoolgirl, actually called Mary, took her pet lamb to school with Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

FUCK! Shit shit shit. Ow. Just stubbed my toe. I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty clumsy and this happens to me on a regular basis. Swearing is an instinctive reaction to pain, but did you know that it can actually lessen the pain you feel? It’s true – Stephen Fry told me so – and it’s known as Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

I mostly own a cellphone so that I can play Temple Run in class. (I dare you to beat my high score – I. Fucking. Dare. You.) However, I used to be one of those disgusting pre-teens who measured their self-worth based on how many text messages I could send each month. Nothing made me happier than Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

So you’re cool with homos? You’ll fly the rainbow flag? That’s great, but there are a few other colour-combinations that supposedly open-minded people still get hostile about. Why can’t bi people just choose already? Sometimes folk see bisexuality as a kind of “transition” stage, and for Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4/5 Coffee Cups In the midst of red cards and Otago Graduation mania, M and G found time to pop down to Kiki Beware on George Street to see what they had on offer, since they were both pretty stoked when Kiki migrated from their former faraway location up in Roslyn to Dunedin’s main Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

For those who have never made the quad-burning hike past the town belt, who don’t really understand the concept of suburban Dunedin, or who simply have an aversion to leaving the North Dunedin bubble, I’ll let you in on a delicious little secret. Be warned though; it will change the way you spend Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Jess Cole

High drama abounded in North Dunedin this week when union picketers made the foolhardy decision to protest outside Maccas on Sunday afternoon. Evidently, years of fast food retail had not prepared the protestors for the intense grease cravings that accompany the end of the weekend and, as Read more...

The Leek | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As this year’s Capping Show season draws to a close, OUSA executives have been forced to reconsider their rules regarding the permissible subject-matter of the numerous and varied sketches dotted throughout the show. Following a volley of complaints from a number of parents, grandparents, faculty Read more...

Bouncing off the Halls | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Thomas Raethel

Our column this week begins with the tale of a young lady of Cumberland Courts. She challenged herself to engage in what Critic will describe as “French kissing” and “heavy petting” while on a night on the town. This, of course, is a game plan to which a sizeable chunk of Otago University’s clutch Read more...

Editorial | Issue 12

Posted 1:24pm Sunday 19th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

Throughout the week, I have been constantly pestered by Frodo*, one of Planet Media’s effervescent account managers, into selling Critic’s contents page to one of his advertising clients. I told him to fuck off, but what Frodo lacks in height, tact, and common sense, he more than makes up for in Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody, This week, I want to talk about New Zealand’s Got Talent. Specifically, I want to talk about the odds that the show will actually demonstrate that New Zealand has any talent: bloody shit. Despite the fact nobody talks about pooping, a study by Tarō Gomi showed that Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, fixtures of the modern world are born, and a truly ambitious voyage is undertaken. May 15, 1940: Richard and Maurice McDonald opened their first fast-food restaurant, and probably had no idea that it would end up being such a big deal. A few years later, the guy who sold them their Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

It’s time to talk about personal boundaries, and how to navigate them. I promise, consent can be sexy! Why is it okay for a gay guy to slap a girl’s butt, but not me? First of all, it’s not okay for anyone to slap anyone else’s butt if it makes them uncomfortable. If a girl is comfortable Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4/5 Coffee Cups While sauntering through the mall M and G were drawn to the eclectic hub of Marbecks in Wall Street. After perusing the jazzy selection of music and literature on offer, they decided to hit up the café in the corner, as M had a free coffee to redeem. Marbecks is Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Noel Jhinku

The oceans cover most of the Earth, so arguably it could be called Planet Ocean, right? It contains 99% of the living space on Earth, covers nearly 71% of the planet’s surface, provides about 50% of our oxygen, and gives us 20% of the world’s protein. Yet we’ve explored less than 10% of its Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

I have two assignments due tomorrow, so naturally I decided to write my column instead. Ha! Fuck you, university. When the going gets tough, the tough get going. And the rest of us say FUCK OFF and watch videos of sloths online. I watched one today that had baby sloths getting shaved, lathered in Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Aramoana is more than just the site of New Zealand’s deadliest criminal shooting (how’s that for a tempting opener?). If you’d like the details of that particularly gruesome and disturbing event, detailing the massacre of 13 Aramoana residents by AN UNEMPLOYED GUN COLLECTOR in 1990, watch the movie Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Jamie Breen

C ritic had only one issue of the odt to work with this week. for some reason, our supply of papers has dried up somewhat in recent days. Perhaps the result of some kind of toilet paper shortage resulting in the emergency redirection of bundles of Dunedin’s second-favourite rag, Critic expects the Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Lovebirds

HillaryI knew when my date didn’t want to stay to finish the bar tab that things hadn’t gone well – but I figured that, since I had endured well over an hour of his appalling chat and pointless conversation, I might as well make the most of the free drinks and drown my sorrows. He had told Read more...

Proctology | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Zane Pocock

“A number of our University departments have tea, bikkies and cakes in their tea rooms,” the Proctor kicked off this week, “and they noticed that these were going faster than normal.” After obtaining in-house CCTV shots of lone figure pilfering the delicacies, Campus Watch heard a shower Read more...

The Leek | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Campbell Ecklein

As the three-month-long duck-shooting season commences for 2013, hunters across the nation are heading out in anticipation of another good haul. This popular recreational pursuit has long been an autumn tradition for locals and tourists alike –every year, New Zealand welcomes tens of visitors who Read more...

Bouncing off the Halls | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Thomas Raethel

Due to unforeseen circumstances, the much-venerated “Bouncing off the Halls” column began a prolonged hiatus in October 2011. For those unfamiliar with the column, it served as a weekly summary of unsavoury acts in student hostels throughout Dunedin. Thankfully, Critic has elected to resurrect the Read more...

Editorial | Issue 11

Posted 2:26pm Sunday 12th May 2013 by Sam McChesney

So here I am again, filling in for another editorial. No sooner had I walked out the Critic door than I was abruptly yanked back through it, sustaining slight damage to my right rotator cuff in the process. No matter; the role’s sex appeal makes its menial pay and questionable social value Read more...

Love Is Blind | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Lovebirds

NedI gave my permission for my flatmate to email Critic and plead my case for a chance at love and to break my extensive dry spell. On the night of the date I got dressed to the nines and nailed a bottle of wine to calm my nerves. My overly-excited flatmates dropped me off in the mechanical Read more...

Get Out Of The Ghetto | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Phoebe Harrop

Dunedin is not just a Scarfie mecca of couch-burning occasions, Hyde St shenanigans, bars with floors so sticky you can’t even dance, and ten-day long spells of rain. Ho no! It has a secret cultural underbelly of which many young students are not aware. Down towards (and beyond) the Octagon, things Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Jess Cole

It was all puns and pictures in the last week of the ODT, beginning with this unfortunately titled misplaced photo. The intended photo was meant to be of a helicopter pilot and his wife, but somehow the mix-up managed to slip through the eagle-eyed attention of the editors, who Read more...

Hi Dr. Nick | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Dr. Nick

Hi everybody! Being an old man with a prostate the size of a beachball, I find it difficult to celebrate birthdays. Once you pass 21 they’re just reminders of the inevitable march towards death upon which we are quickly forgotten, relegated to fleeting thoughts scattered through the years. Read more...

The More Things Change | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Jessica Bromell

This week, people everywhere disagree with each other. Results vary. 9 May, 1671: In an act of defiance against the English government, a guy called Thomas Blood dressed up as a clergyman and tried to steal the Crown Jewels. He’d already gotten into trouble for attempting to kidnap and Read more...

Lez Feminables | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Glitter Grrl

I wish to attract all the hotties. I need to be an Alpha Male. How do I achieve this status? I think that gorillas have alphas, or “silverbacks,” so let’s use our ape brethren as an example. In order to become a silverback, one must be old – old enough to have grey back hair. They make important Read more...

Daily Grind | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by M and G

Rating: 4.5/5 Coffee Cups Smack-bang in the middle of George Street lies Modaks Espresso, a Dunedin student institution. This alty two-roomed café has a seriously nostalgic feel with crochet blankets, retro kitsch decor, and vintage Atari arcade games. Modaks is a little slice of Wellington Read more...

Science, Bitches! | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Elsie Jacobson

Oh man, I just walked into a spider-web! Gross! Or fashion? While some runway fashion may look like the model just escaped from Shelob’s giant spider web, scientists are taking that idea a bit further. I’m sure you’ve heard that spider silk is way stronger than steel – the only reason you can Read more...

For Fuck's Sake | Issue 10

Posted 4:00pm Sunday 5th May 2013 by Elsie Stone

Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time at 4am, I was in McDonald’s for some late-night chicken nugs and I saw a girl pee her pants. I literally had lingering eye contact with this chick as urine ran down her leg, and then I helpfully pointed to the puddle at her feet and told her that she had Read more...