Archive

Vape Review | Duo Salts Kiwi and Strawberry

Posted 7:43pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Critic

What is with all fucking vape flavours and having either Kiwi or Strawberry? Like seriously, any sort of fruity vape flavour has one or the other, and I’m sick of it. Artificial Kiwifruit tastes like shit. I would rather rub the furry side of the skin on my tongue than have something kiwifruit Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Never Trust a Softboi

Posted 7:41pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by Critic

It was the eve of Hyde Street in the Year of Our Lord 2019. I was pretty recently single, flexing my newly found hoe muscles, and getting ready to dress like a tennis bitch and hit the streets. You know the drill, heavy drinking, a casual nip slip, way too many moustaches, and I was on the lookout Read more...

Critic Booze Review | Odd Company Vodka

Posted 7:34pm Thursday 16th July 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

There is an epidemic that is flooding this great nation that I have been concerned about for some time now, and it is time that I addressed it. Ever since Part Time Rangers introduced the concept of a ‘simple’ RTD, there has been an influx of the stuff. Now every company and their dog Read more...

EDITORIAL: Reporting About Sexual Violence Sucks

Posted 1:01pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Sinead Gill

Content warning: sexual violence. I hate the way I have to write about sexual violence. It sucks because the legal process that comes with proving that sexual violence occured is difficult, so few survivors pursue legal action. For the fewer survivors that approach the media with their stories Read more...

Vape Review | Duo Salts Apple and Watermelon

Posted 12:41pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Critic

Look, in all honesty, I hate fruit. I’ve never tried most fruits, and I never want to. People ask me why, and it’s mainly because the texture of fruit genuinely scares me. The feeling of biting into a crunchy apple or soft banana and feeling it in my mouth makes me gag. Artificial fruit Read more...

Booze Review | Smirnoff Cranberry Cask

Posted 12:39pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by VirGINia Woolf-it-down

If you’re anything like me, alcohol that doesn’t taste like alcohol is the best kind of alcohol ever. Smirnoff’s goon sack of cranberry juice and vodka is that alcohol. I’d be convinced that it was just pure cranberry juice if it didn’t make me send 3am ‘u up? Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Mushroom Risotto: The Perfect Boozy Meal

Posted 12:34pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Not to promote cooking and drinking (sorry NZ fire-safety ads from 2012), but risotto truly is the one dish where a glass of wine in hand is practically essential, or at the very least encouraged. The art of cooking risotto is a long, slow, and savoury process. There’s very little pressure Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Week Two Without Porn - Desires of the E-Flesh

Posted 12:30pm Sunday 12th July 2020 by Critic

Things were happening to my body this week. I never realised how weird masturbating without porn was until I forced myself to do it. Firstly, it was hard to get a good hard erection going. I could get one that just did the job, but it wasn’t the throbbing pleasure stick I wanted. I also found Read more...

EDITORIAL: The Exec Are Too Comfortable Making Decisions Behind Closed Doors

Posted 9:12am Monday 6th July 2020 by Sinead Gill

Critic Te Arohi is famously anti-weed, so it’ll be no surprise to you that my hackles were raised when the Exec made the decision to actively encourage Otago students to vote ‘yes’ to cannabis legalisation in the upcoming referendum. I was raised Catholic; it felt sinful enough to Read more...

Vape Review | Nek Minty Aotearoa E-Juice

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 5th July 2020 by Critic

Ha ha guys remember when Nek Minute was a thing?! When the whole country mercilessly ridiculed a dude for his poor vernacular and how he looks? How funny is that! It’s not like that joke originated in 2011 and has died out becoming not funny anymore. I’m so glad it’s 2020 and the Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 9

Posted 10:18pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 My resentment towards you Aquarius is wearing off. You’re actually pretty cool. Do with that what you will. Also get out of doing flat dinner this week by simply not coming home after a night out. Your Re-O regret: Falling over in your own Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth | Dumplings - Pork & Scallion

Posted 10:13pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Sometimes you don’t want a plate consisting of one meal, one story. You want many tiny little meals, many tiny little stories. Each mouthful the beginning, middle and end. Dumplings are the perfect meal to cook and eat with friends. Every person gets a turn at folding the wrappers and Read more...

Booze Reviews | Free-B's

Posted 9:56pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Anon

Victorian Bitters, a classic Australian beer. Sitting at around $13 for a 6 pack, you definitely get your money’s worth. However, are VB’s actually a pleasurable beer to drink? Yes and no. If you are a 20-year-old skater or middle aged Australian man, then you’d probably say that Read more...

The Critic Bachelor

Posted 9:51pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Caroline Moratti

Jack Manning Age: 22 (“and a half!”)  Occupation: OUSA President  Star sign: Sagittarius Degree: BSc in Computer Science, DipGrad in Marketing  Celebrity Crush: Gal Gadot His friends describe him as: Kind, a little bit introverted, and humble. Last STI Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Unfucking my Brain: One Month Without Porn

Posted 9:32pm Thursday 2nd July 2020 by Critic

Porn has undeniably screwed with my brain. There is no questioning that. It has changed how I think about and approach sex. It continues to burn holes through my dopamine receptors. It’s changed how I think about both women and men. I’m in my twenties, and looking at how I consume porn Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Speight's

Posted 12:28am Friday 22nd May 2020 by F. Thot Fizzgerald

Speight's in a can, Speight's in a bottle, and Speight's on tap are all vastly different drinking experiences. Although it may technically be the same beverage, I’m willing to bet my life that the material and/or spiritual energy of the vessel fucks with the taste. Here is Read more...

Vape Review | Strawberry Kiwifruit Aotearoa E-Juice

Posted 10:33pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

Who needs Covid-19 when you can get self-induced Bronchitis from vaping too much over quarantine? If you’re gonna inject your lungs with some nicotine, it might as well taste nice. That’s why the Strawberry Kiwifruit Aotearoa E-Juice results in a pleasant vaping experience. You Read more...

Bone Apple Teeth: Custard: Soup, but make it dessert.

Posted 10:29pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Caroline Moratti

There are times in life when you don’t want to make a meal for yourself, but you also want to cook something. There are times when you want dinner, but actually, really, only want dessert. Custard is easy and gooey and somehow deeply nostalgic. Eat a whole pot of it and call it a Read more...

Moaningful Confessions | Antonio and the Tonsils

Posted 10:27pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

So, our tale begins in the US, where I was staying with my parents over the summer holidays. During that time I had the perfectly rational horny thought to check out some American tinder boys. After some extensive swiping, I finally found someone half-decent. For the sake of this confession, Read more...

Horoscope | Issue 8

Posted 7:03pm Thursday 21st May 2020 by Critic

Aquarius  Jan 20 - Feb 18 This year is flying by and so are your opportunities to make long lasting friends that you don’t exploit.  Your song to stream this week: Privilege - The Weeknd   Pisces  Feb 19 - Mar 20 You get a glimpse of freedom and Read more...