Smirnoff Ice Double Black Is the Perfect Drink for a Kids Birthday Party

Posted 12:56pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Smirnoff Ice Double Black is a drink for children, and adults who are still children at heart. It may technically be alcoholic, but as far as your taste buds would know, it’s just a kind of weird lemonade. ‘Scientists’ will tell you that the amount of guarana in these bad boys Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | An Unwanted Breath of Fresh Air

Posted 12:36pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde Our property manager is showing people through our flat for next year, and, to make it easier for us all, is only doing this once a week on a Monday afternoon. This Monday, we came home to find that the backdoor was wide open. We know we left it locked and shut. The only Read more...

The Hell Hole | Things that disgust me

Posted 12:42pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Cats with hands, kelp with hands, mould with eyes. Unanswered emails. Your toenail on your sheets. Falling into a wood chipper. A greasy coffee cup. Peeling your veins with a potato peeler. Balloons filled with mustard gas. Mugs with chipped rims. Teeth made out of porcelain. Anything smaller than a Read more...

Lucky in Love | Peas & Carrots

Posted 12:30pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Peas “I wonder if this is two standards,” I thought, contemplating the Read more...

Poetry Corner | (No Title)

Posted 12:52pm Sunday 13th August 2017 by Darude

Rotate Jolting with the pivot  as a roiling boil bubbles your  bloodstream too little, a tepid time bomb or else, volcanically explosive coating your cell with the splatter of mincemeat all will be resolved at the next flat meeting “Do we need a Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (August 7-13)

Posted 12:46pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Critic

We’ve got a nice mellow week of special days - definitely a cause for celebration!   Monday 7 August – Particularly Preposterous Packaging Day How does it feel when you get approximately five chips in a packet puffed full of mainly air? What about when you purchase some Read more...

Lucky in Love | Bert & Ernie

Posted 1:34pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   Bert First of all, I just want to lay it out straight, arriving 23 minutes late to a date is Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Counselling Denounced

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Student Support

Can anyone help me? I need some counselling but can’t get in to Student Health. I know my studies are being affected; I can’t concentrate properly anymore. Do you know if there are other ways to get in to see someone? Strained Student   Ethel and Hyde is brought to you Read more...

The Hell Hole | The Leader

Posted 1:47pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Jon A

Everyone was bright-eyed and engaged. The speaker, an older blonde-haired man in a suit, was standing at a decorated podium. His voice played over their heads from black, looming speakers. The crowd hung off his every word. Anna rolled her eyes. He was talking about being united, making the Read more...

Critic Booze Reviews | Goon for $9.90

Posted 1:55pm Sunday 6th August 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Praise be the God of Alcoholics, we have been granted a gift from above. Meenan’s Wine & Spirits on Great King Street has come out with the deal of the year – nay, the deal of the decade. A succulent goon of red wine, containing 21 delectable standard drinks, for $9.90. That is not a Read more...