Residents Said Uni Best Practice Not Enough to Prevent or Discipline Sexual Violence at Knox

Posted 1:11am Friday 12th April 2019 by Esme Hall

CONTENT WARNING: rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment     Multiple survivors of sexual violence from Knox College reached out to Critic since our last story, and their experiences show the University of Otago’s sexual misconduct procedures were not applied consistently Read more...

Student General Meeting Cracking Up To Be Slightly Interesting

Posted 12:59am Friday 12th April 2019 by Staff Reporter

Last week, Critic speculated what the second floor of the University Book Shop could be developed into now that it is owned by OUSA. This week, someone has answered our prayers. This Wednesday, 17 April, at midday in the Main Common Room, students will be able to vote on whether or not they want Read more...

Random Shit the Uni Spends Money On

Posted 7:18pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Critic

A tonne of milk in Otago Business School: $5,800 per year Have you ever walked past a fridge and decided to take a sneak peek inside? That’s what Critic did in-between lectures in the Business School. To this reporter’s shock it was completely packed with upward of a dozen two-litre Read more...

Horoscopes | Issue 08

Posted 6:40pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Critic

Aquarius Jan 20 - Feb 18 To be a breather is not simply to breathe. To be a breather, one must step into the shoes of those that came before them, step back out of those shoes, pour a Billy Mav into said shoes, and sip upon the sweet nectar from sole to soul. Are you ready for your holy Read more...

Cockroach Living Behind Rubbish Bin in Kitchen Agrees, You Definitely Needed to Add More Garlic to that Sauce

Posted 6:33pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“I mean, Christ on a crisp, the stuff was bloody bland, feel?” muttered the cockroach. “I been living here a year and a half, and the last girls that lived in this flat were making risotto, baking pies… Hell, they even spilled wine on the regular. I loved mopping that shit Read more...

Guy Who Has Seen All 720 Episodes of Naruto Now Most Skilled Brawler in Dunedin

Posted 6:33pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune

An unnamed local Dunedin man, 35, who spent the last month watching all 720 episodes of the anime Naruto, has reportedly defeated eight men, three women  and two stray dogs in hand-to-hand combat around the city centre in the last four days. He owes his success to what he described to the Read more...

Semen Oozing From Used Condom in the Rubbish Bin Behind Starters Would’ve Been the Guy Who Cured Cancer

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Congealing in a gluey puddle surrounded by millions of his dying brothers and sisters, their silent sperm screams went tragically unheard. The single sperm that, in a different timeline, would have become Archibald A. Arnold (Man of Science! Curer of All Disease! Long may his great name be spoken!), Read more...

Girls Who Admitted They Enjoy Receiving Dick Pics Online Actually Just Guy Who Sends Dick Pics Operating Under Fake Instagram Handles

Posted 6:32pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“It’s not like it’s not fuckin true, huhuh,” chuckled Chad Stuttfield, the 19-year-old behind @haileysims11, @jessica_blackkkk and @caseyrae_stevensen, three Instagram handles which responded to an online poll that “Yes”, they enjoyed receiving unsolicited Read more...

Top 10 Ways to Pay Off Your Student Loan

Posted 6:23pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Critic

Fake your own death and reinvent yourself in Greece. Learn advanced hacking, infiltrate the IRD as network tech staff and delete your account altogether. Begin your tuition in 2018 onwards so you don’t even have one, you spoilt little fucks. Have kinky sex with a member of ACT Read more...

Opinion: OUSA Exec Meetings Are So Wholesome It’s Cringe

Posted 6:19pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by Esme Hall

Are you sitting there wondering why we haven’t reported very much on this year’s OUSA Exec? Yeah, thought not. But, for the three of you who actually care, it’s because they’re being so nice to each other there’s no juicy drama to report. The apparent harmony of the Read more...