Congealing in a gluey puddle surrounded by millions of his dying brothers and sisters, their silent sperm screams went tragically unheard. The single sperm that, in a different timeline, would have become Archibald A. Arnold (Man of Science! Curer of All Disease! Long may his great name be spoken!), held onto life only long enough to wriggle slightly closer to a White Rhino can, in the forlorn hope it might actually be a vagina, before slipping away into the abyss with a sigh for what might have been.
Posted 6:32pm Thursday 11th April 2019 by The Critical Tribune.
Tags: satire
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
FAKE NEWS
MORE COLUMNS
- Mi Goreng Graduate: Spaghetti Bolognese
- Moaningful Confessions: “Caught, Clawed, and Chlorinated”
- OUSA Exec: The Glorious and Half-Serious Revolution
- Local Produce: Powder Chutes
- Horoscopes: Issue 14 2025
- Editorial: Census Was a Trip
- Debatable: Is it socially acceptable to drink glasses of milk?
- Recession Indicators: Otago Edition
- Booze Review: Speight’s Hazy Pale Ale
- Booze Review: Kristov Orange Label