Critical Tribune: OUSA Dyes Leith River Green In Celebration Of 135th Birthday

Posted 5:41pm Sunday 25th May 2025 by Anna Marrs

Students may have noticed that the Leith is running more green than usual this week. The Otago University’s Student Association has poured gallons of green commercial dye into our very own Leith River in celebration of their 135th birthday, a move that some ecology experts are calling Read more...

Critical Tribune: LEAKED! OIA Reveals Otago is Legally Obligated to Hire Unelected Politicians

Posted 9:59pm Sunday 18th May 2025 by Anderson Coomer

Emails released under the Official Information Act (OIA) have revealed that the University of Otago has entered into a legally binding agreement with the Labour Party to hire politicians that don’t get elected.  The official document stated that the University was required to Read more...

Activist Rodent Learns What Neoliberalism Means

Posted 4:45pm Tuesday 13th May 2025 by Anderson Coomer

Thousands of people in the Southern Region were left without internet access on Wednesday 16 April following an incident of a rodent chewing through a fibre cable after being radicalised into an anarcho-primitivist agenda through a mix of “hot Leninist goths” and “Into the Wild Read more...

Breatha Exiled from Castle St Flat After Admitting, “I don’t fuck with DnB that much bro.”

Posted 4:44pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Anderson Coomer

Alex, a second-year student, formerly known by his peers as ‘Fridge’ has been reduced to being known as ‘Champ’ in a turn of events that resulted in his tenancy being informally terminated at his Castle St flat. This follows a shocking admission, whereby Alex firmly stood Read more...

Vaping Students Used in Lieu of Smoke Machine for Ori’

Posted 4:24pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Tina Frowns

In lieu of an available smoke machine for Ori’ 2025, OUSA roped in a group of 100 or so students to continually blow vape clouds from either side of the Union Lawn stage. Volunteers (who the Critical Tribune has been assured were fully consenting) were recruited at OUSA’s annual Tent Read more...

Graduation Actually One Giant Apple Data Harvest

Posted 9:21pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by The Critical Tribune

A reliable source within the University has anonymously leaked information to the Critical Tribune regarding December’s graduation ceremony. Mr X has confirmed that Charlene Chainz has sold the physical data of all attending graduates to Apple Inc., in exchange for a 100-foot yacht that she Read more...

Student Refuses to Remove Apple Watch During Sex

Posted 9:21pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by The Critical Tribune

“I just can’t risk it,” he says. “What if an important email comes in while I’m shaggin? My life moves too fast, man, I can’t tap out while I bang it out.” What a tremendous lifestyle. Sources close to the student report that this claim is “entirely Read more...

Thing the Person Sitting Next to You in the Library Studying Looks Hard

Posted 9:19pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Oh boy, you thought your work was hard, you’ve just had a little peep at the laptop screen of the person next to you in the library and it’s completely incomprehensible. They must be a genius; they’re not even sweating looking at all those complicated squiggles and graphs. Your Read more...

Student Attends Semi-Regular Careers Expo; Is Inundated With Employment Offers

Posted 9:20pm Thursday 3rd October 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Commerce student Lyndon Bridge is overwhelmed this week by an inbox simply bursting with job opportunities. Sources close to Bridge said that he heeded the advice of the Careers Centre and attended one of the highly exclusive events held in the Link on a Tuesday from 1pm-4pm. Six sparse tables Read more...

2.73 Billion People Do Not Know About Recent University of Otago Study On Loch Ness Monster

Posted 11:30pm Thursday 26th September 2019 by The Critical Tribune

Last week, University Comms man, Mark Hathaway, wrote a blogpost about his part in communicating a study by University of Otago Proffesor Neil Gemmell on the Loch Ness monster to 4.8 billion people, falling short by 2.73 billion of total world saturation, making the whole Loch Ness project a Read more...