Critical Tribune: STI Rates Plummet in North D as Castle Clears Out for Exams

Posted 2:24pm Monday 13th October 2025 by Mary Fartin Benz

Reports from frightened freshers have highlighted the concerning increase in Butter hats and Birks across Central Library’s floors. “I didn’t know they knew where campus was!” said Tim, a first-year and future breatha from Studholme, telling Critical Tribune he’s Read more...

Critical Tribune: Fresher Gets Quick Lesson In Tenancy Law After Falling Out With Friend Group They Signed With In January

Posted 10:59pm Saturday 4th October 2025 by Anna Marrs

Critical Tribune has received several news tips over the past couple of weeks complaining about the “absolute state” of tenancy law. Turns out, signing a contract with your mates halfway through first sem isn’t a committed display of the fact you’ll love each other forever, Read more...

Critical Tribune: University declares state of emergency as brainrot spreads across campus

Posted 11:01pm Sunday 28th September 2025 by Gear Sloppit

The University of Ota-goon has announced an Official State of Emergency after a “catastrophic outbreak” of brainrot left hundreds of students unable to form original sentences, instead communicating exclusively through TikTok sounds and vintage Tumblr quotes. In a press conference Read more...

Critical Tribune: EMERGENCY: Snow Forecast for Union Lawn Microclimate as 36 Tonnes of Snow Scheduled to Arrive this Thursday

Posted 1:34pm Monday 15th September 2025 by Petra Barfy

Panic sweeps through the University of Otago campus this week after meteorologists issued an unprecedented forecast predicting “localized blizzard conditions” for Union Lawn, where a sudden 36-tonne snowfall is expected to bury the area on September 18. The snowstorm, strangely absent Read more...

Critical Tribune: Breather attends a lecture in person and discovers he really likes it

Posted 5:20pm Sunday 7th September 2025 by Matt Hilda

“I didn’t really know what the bros were up to during the day,” Zack admitted. “They were always off to go see David, or Burns. Even when they said they were at Castle 2, I went over to the flat on Leith and the boys just told me to fuck off. I felt a bit left Read more...

Critical Tribune: The Most Insufferable Person You Know Becomes LinkedIn Influencer

Posted 10:29pm Sunday 24th August 2025 by Anderson Coomer

The sound of students audibly sighing across Dunedin last week was recorded as a magnitude of 1.9. This disturbance comes after the most insufferable person you know is now a LinkedIn influencer. Sora Noying, a fifth-year law and politics student, who is more commonly known amongst acquaintances as Read more...

Critical Tribune: University of Otago Reveals Rainbet Sponsorship

Posted 4:18pm Saturday 19th July 2025 by Anderson Coomer

A University of Otago spokesperson, operating under the Instagram handle UoOslaps, has revealed a controversial new partnership with offshore gambling platform Rainbet.  In an Instagram Reel featuring a desk littered with paperwork, a leaked law exam, and printouts of boomer complaints from Read more...

Critical Tribune: OUSA Dyes Leith River Green In Celebration Of 135th Birthday

Posted 5:41pm Sunday 25th May 2025 by Anna Marrs

Students may have noticed that the Leith is running more green than usual this week. The Otago University’s Student Association has poured gallons of green commercial dye into our very own Leith River in celebration of their 135th birthday, a move that some ecology experts are calling Read more...

Critical Tribune: LEAKED! OIA Reveals Otago is Legally Obligated to Hire Unelected Politicians

Posted 9:59pm Sunday 18th May 2025 by Anderson Coomer

Emails released under the Official Information Act (OIA) have revealed that the University of Otago has entered into a legally binding agreement with the Labour Party to hire politicians that don’t get elected.  The official document stated that the University was required to Read more...

Activist Rodent Learns What Neoliberalism Means

Posted 4:45pm Tuesday 13th May 2025 by Anderson Coomer

Thousands of people in the Southern Region were left without internet access on Wednesday 16 April following an incident of a rodent chewing through a fibre cable after being radicalised into an anarcho-primitivist agenda through a mix of “hot Leninist goths” and “Into the Wild Read more...