Archive
Wandering Womb: The Root of All Your Feminine Rage
Posted 8:33pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Jodie Evans
Wandering Womb noun a) Spontaneous migration of the uterus within the female body, anywhere from the pelvis to the mind. Characterised by symptoms including but not limited to: Headaches, tremors, fainting, chest pains, abdomen pain, vertigo, sexual desires, intellectual Read more...
Campus Vigilante
Posted 8:07pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Hunter Jolly
Otago’s campus is rife with debauchery, crawling with scallywags wreaking havoc in the prime time of their youth. Campus Watch, the noble defenders of order on our beloved Uni grounds and student-populated streets, have their work cut out for them. No student would deny their appreciation for Read more...
Opinion: You Suck at Instant Noodles
Posted 6:49pm Sunday 5th May 2024 by Lotto Ramsay
There are but three things in this miserable world that are able to give me any semblance of something akin to joy: soup, frugality, and the quiet bliss of an instruction manual. Basically, the way everyone makes their instant noodles in this goddamn city is ensuring I will be first in line at Read more...
Yours
Posted 10:30pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Lily Stoddart
To whom it may concern, I think I am the perfect candidate for this part-time job because I am reliable, I will always show up on time, and if my car breaks down I will walk. And if my legs break off I will elbow crawl concrete grazes, beer glass abrasions, and all. And if the ground becomes Read more...
Littlest Hall Pets: The Pets of Campus
Posted 9:09pm Friday 26th April 2024 by Monty O’Rielly
Disclaimer: I know these are not all of the animals around! These are the ones we managed to get permission to include, and had time to visit. If there are more I missed, feel free to tell me where to find them, monty@critic.co.nz. Missing your dog back home? Mid-terms getting you down? Need Read more...
As Good as Mould
Posted 7:40pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Jodie Evans
From flocks of seagulls to herds of freshers, beautiful North Dunedin boasts a variety of unique flora and fauna – the most abundant and furtive of which can be found in your very own flat. You guessed it: mould. Your white-toothed suit-wearing landlord only wants you to live amidst the most Read more...
Scenic Sadness: A Critic Te Ārohi Quest
Posted 4:52pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Gryffin Powell
As temperatures plummet, the primal North D urge to “get the fuck away from it all” stirs. Nothing awakens the adventurous spirit quite like a mouldy flat or a situationship ending. Two dudes armed with a Mazda (that they weren’t insured to drive) embarked on an expedition to find Read more...
Botan Bongs
Posted 4:27pm Sunday 21st April 2024 by Hugh Askerud
To many, the Botanical Gardens are a short-cut to New World Gardens or a nice place to picnic. To members of the species Stoneri botanis (The Botan Stoner), however, the Gardens are their natural habitat. The Botan Stoner is an abundant species native to the ecosystem of Ōtepoti. This species Read more...
Hide Ya Bong: 10 Ways to Conceal a Bong in Plain Sight
Posted 1:16pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Sam Smith-Soppet
Imagine this: halfway through punching a cone after an incredibly difficult week of BCom-broing and midweek pissups, you hear the front door creak. All your flatmates are home, and no one just fucking drops in. Like a deer in Bic-light, you scramble in fear to find a hiding spot for your still-warm Read more...
Drug Trip Simulator
Posted 1:06pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Nicky Patterson
1. Look outside. It’s a beautiful day; the sun's shining, the birds are chirping, and you've got the itch for something special to make today one to remember. Who are you calling? A: The Regular (go to 3) B: The shady guy who your mate’s flatmate’s sister knows (go to Read more...
Steamed the New Stoned?
Posted 12:57pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Hugh Askerud
Dunedin has a pretty notorious drug culture. One drop of our wastewater could show the entirety of Gloriavale a damn good time. And yet, one would be pressed to find a hardcore, “substances are a personality trait” type druggie in even your most bruising Castle St flat these days – Read more...
Firecracker Airfryer Edibles
Posted 12:54pm Sunday 14th April 2024 by Lotto Ramsay
Firecrackers are a classic stoner treat, typically made with graham crackers and peanut butter. But due to the exodus of our American staff (good riddance) Critic does not know what graham crackers are – and does not wish to learn. Here they are with biscuits and nutella instead. The weed Read more...
Leith Them Alone: The Families of Leith Street
Posted 10:01pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Harriette Boucher
Leith Street – a key part of the North Dunedin epicentre of Otago’s student life – has long been the home of scarfie flats and student parties. But despite its reputation, Leith is more than just students living out their second-year dreams in New Zealand’s most notorious Read more...
Dancing in the Rain: Baseline Reviewed
Posted 9:54pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Iris Hehir
It’s important to Critic Te Ārohi that our reviews are authentic. To review hall food, we needed to assume the identities of freshers. And to review Baseline, we also had to assume the appropriate state of a festival-goer: dressed a lil’ slutty and with enough vodka Red Bulls in our Read more...
The Lecture Swap
Posted 8:52pm Friday 5th April 2024 by Adam Stitely, Gryffin Powell, Christopher Elder & Monty O’Rielly
Critic Te Ārohi sent two pairs of what we considered to be polar-opposite majors to go to each others’ lectures: History major Adam and Biochemistry & Genetics major Gryffin; Marketing major Christopher and Gender Studies major Monty. It’s like swinging, but with a bit more Read more...
Trans Sex For Dummies
Posted 4:47pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Monty O’Rielly
Disclaimer: This article includes discussion and description of transgender bodies, with anatomical and occasionally gendered language. It mainly focuses on personal experiences of pre-op trans people on HRT, but a lot of this can be applied to trans people at other stages of their Read more...
Animated Affairs
Posted 3:51pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jodie Evans
Let’s talk about the legendary sexual awakening. There are the classics you always hear of: Katy Perry’s ‘I Kissed a Girl’ music video or Joe Jonas emerging, glistening, from the water in Camp Rock. A good number of people recall the moment Miss Honey from Matilda pulls down Read more...
Nonbinary Dirty Talk: 25 Freaky Genderless Naughty Nicknames
Posted 3:14pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jordan Irvine
When you’re genderqueer and don’t use gendered terms, it can be hard to include good dirty talk in your sex life. Sex is fun, intimate, and it should be sexy, right? Dirty talk can quickly become awkward Mad Libs from hell when trying to remove gender from your lexicon (“baby Read more...
Your First Time… According to Wattpad
Posted 3:00pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Jodie Evans
When your total bitch of a mother throws your things in a suitcase and tells you to meet your new owners (One Direction, a band you’ve literally never even heard of), the prospect of your emerging sexuality can be daunting, especially when you’re a fictional self-insert who doesn’t Read more...
Between the Sheets: The Realities of Lesbian Sex
Posted 2:54pm Saturday 23rd March 2024 by Madeline O’Leary
Disclaimer: This article is based on the personal experience of one individual. In this article, lesbian sex is referred to in the context of being between two AFAB (assigned female at birth) partners. Trans lesbians, we love you too. Hello there, queer/questioning/closeted Critic reader! You Read more...