Archive

Romanticising Getting Dressed

Posted 9:00pm Sunday 10th August 2025 by Grace Hards

Every morning I look at myself in the mirror and ask the world’s most terrifying question: Who do I want to be today? It’s not just about putting on pants one leg at a time. It’s a full-blown existential crisis, performed in front of a bathroom mirror, under fluorescent Read more...

Popping Cherries: Virginity Horror Stories

Posted 7:58pm Sunday 3rd August 2025 by Stella Weston

Over the last three months I’ve been asking my friends, friends of friends, distant associates, and girls I’d met ten minutes ago in the bathroom how they lost their virginity. I was surprised at how many women were open about it and happy to yap – some with nice wholesome Read more...

The Flatmate Erotica: Within Or Without You

Posted 7:55pm Sunday 3rd August 2025 by Lady Jane Grey

There’s something uniquely unholy about a student flat – a place where personal growth, emotional regression, and sexual chaos all happen in the same 10-square-metre living room. You move in thinking you're just renting a room but, really, you’re signing up for a year-long Read more...

A Lesbian, Bisexual & Straight Woman Walk into a Bar

Posted 7:46pm Sunday 3rd August 2025 by Nina Brown

I change seating positions at least three times before Leah* and Beth* arrive for the interview. Settling into our armchairs, the three of us epitomise our stereotypes. The straight woman who has rarely cum with a man is dressed in jeans and a white t-shirt, long hair in a bun. The masc lesbian who Read more...

Online Anonymous: A support group for the chronically online

Posted 5:25pm Saturday 26th July 2025 by Zoe Eckhoff

This is an intervention. For everyone who panics about early-onset dementia every time you forget what you ate for breakfast and especially with the seasonal flip of an exam paper as the clock starts ticking. Are we remembering less and less? Is it sleep loss? TikTok? Those AI breatha reels Read more...

Choose Your Own Adventure: OUSA President Edition

Posted 5:20pm Saturday 26th July 2025 by Molly Smith-Soppet

1.  You wake up, wrapped up in a duck-down comforter with that gorgeous OUSA green burned into your eyelids. It's time to take on your busy day. You leap out of bed and go down to your kitchen to pour yourself a big bowl of Weet-Bix. What do you do while you eat your meal? Open your Read more...

A Slice of Our Opinions: Pizza Reviewed

Posted 5:22pm Saturday 19th July 2025 by Adam Stitely

Takeaway pizzas are a cornerstone of the “I can’t be fucked cooking” catalogue: when your parents couldn’t be fucked trying to satisfy your picky childhood palate with homecooked meals; when your boss couldn’t be fucked giving you a bonus so you got a pizza party; or Read more...

Flatmageddon: Best ways to resolve flat conflicts

Posted 4:26pm Saturday 19th July 2025 by Hunter Jolly

Conflict is inevitable when you live in close quarters with other people, especially when you may have conflicting ideas about what cleanliness looks like and what acceptable sleeping patterns are. Whether tension manifests in passive-aggressive remarks about your innovative pot-soaking method, or Read more...

30 Years Strong: Te Rōpū Māori Marks a Milestone

Posted 1:05pm Monday 14th July 2025 by Heeni Koero Te Rerenoa (Sky)

Kiritea Smith, Chair of the 30th Committee – Ngāi Te Rangi, Ngāti Ranginui, Ngāti Pūkenga Porourangi Templeton-Reedy, Co-President of Te Rōpū Māori – Ngāti Porou, Ngāi Tūhoe, Tainui Honouring the Past, Celebrating the Present, and Read more...

I can tell you what you study based off your census answers

Posted 11:21am Monday 14th July 2025 by Nina Brown

I spent the semester break trawling through census data and am confident I can accurately guess what you study based on how you answer the following questions. If I get it wrong, it says more about whether you’re in the right degree than my powers of generalisation. 1. How’s your Read more...

You are here: An investigation into the tangled web of the queer Dunedin dating scene

Posted 5:56pm Sunday 25th May 2025 by Via Hooks

Having been in ostensibly queer friend groups basically since arriving in Dunedin, I’ve observed that all of my friends (myself included) are, indeed, dating each other. But can I back this up with data?  Yes. My proposed hypothesis is the “Queer event horizon” - that Read more...

The Jorts and Jafas of Bisexuality

Posted 5:39pm Sunday 25th May 2025 by Stella Weston

Jokes about Doc-wearing, threesome-having bisexual femmes are as low hanging as ragging on breathas for the mullet-moustache combo. While the copy and paste breatha look at festivals means some stereotypes often have a basis in truth, stereotypes can also be exaggerated or distorted in ways that can Read more...

criticHow To Be An Ally

Posted 4:59pm Sunday 25th May 2025 by Zoe Eckhoff

There are many ways in which we can become better people in this society. Dunedin is an ever-expanding, diverse, and lively city full of all colours of the rainbow. Maybe you don’t think you’re one of those guys. Maybe when you're at a flat party and see a queer couple you only stare Read more...

Queer Mess?

Posted 4:55pm Sunday 25th May 2025 by Madeline O’Leary

It's a bit of a running joke within my circle that my sexuality announces itself before I do. My friends often tease about how they can hear me coming before they see me. The jangle of keys on my carabiner is like a rumble of dyke thunder before lightning strikes. Pair this with my eyebrow Read more...

OUSA President Liam White Caught With His Pants Down?

Posted 11:04pm Sunday 18th May 2025 by Molly Smith-Soppet

There are some things we have come to expect from our OUSA presidents. Campaining on the promise of a student bar, not delivering a student bar. That's about it honestly. What we did not expect however... was this.  Sources (one suspicious email with a portfolio of equally suspicious Read more...

Red Flag Roundup

Posted 10:57pm Sunday 18th May 2025 by Critic Staff

I once had a guy ask me – completely deadpan – if the reason I didn’t want to date him anymore was because my parents didn’t love me enough as a child. No joke. That was his closer. And to be fair, it did close things. Safe to say, the almost-relationship ended right there, Read more...

Overheard Ōtepoti

Posted 10:12pm Sunday 18th May 2025 by Critic Staff

Amnesty Youth members in a Law lecture AYO member 1: “Do you think $20 for a joint is reasonable?” AYO member 2: “Yeah, I mean it sounds reasonable. It depends how big the joint is – they can get you really fucked up.” AYO member 1: “Yeah, I’ve never Read more...

We Made A Fanpage for Daniel Leamy

Posted 10:04pm Sunday 18th May 2025 by Molly Smith-Soppet

With the Tabloid Issue approaching and pitches running somewhat dry, two of Critic Te Ārohi’s most chaotic staff (us) turned to what we do best: shit-stirring. One of us writes horoscopes and the other wrote the love story of the century (Critic Bachelor). Between us, we knew exactly how Read more...

The Legacy of Martin Phillipps

Posted 3:50pm Sunday 11th May 2025 by Jordan Irvine

.column { float: left; width: 33.33%; } /* Clear floats after the columns */ .row:after { content: ""; display: table; clear: both; } “The Dunedin Sound is the sound of honesty” - Martin Phillipps It’s hard not to write about the Dunedin Sound without Read more...

Sound and Vision: Capturing Dunedin’s Music Scene

Posted 3:17pm Sunday 11th May 2025 by Ellie Bennett

Sweaty, a bit drunk, and surrounded by people who look about twice my height and half my age, I’ve got a headache and my ears are buzzing. My shoes squeak every time I try to unstick them from the floor. I can just about make out the features of the lead singer but the drummer blends into the Read more...

An Inside Look at the Six60 Scholarship: Is it sick-60?

Posted 2:35pm Sunday 11th May 2025 by Zoe Eckhoff

6 and 60. Perhaps not everyone's two favourite set of numbers, but nevertheless, undeniably iconic to anyone from Aotearoa who didn’t forget their roots. It’s generally known that this band name came from the flat on Castle Street that the four members started off in (you’ll Read more...

Ranking what native New Zealand birds I could beat in a fight if I were also a bird?

Posted 10:05pm Sunday 4th May 2025 by Jordan Irvine

Evolution has not been kind to the native birds of Aotearoa. Some are small, some flightless, and all pretty vulnerable to introduced pests. To put it lightly, they don’t stand a chance against predators. You know that, I know that. My question is, do they stand a chance against me, Read more...

Critic Wuz Here: There’s a phone number inscribed on your desk and I called it.

Posted 9:44pm Sunday 4th May 2025 by Jordan Irvine

One of God’s greatest gifts is the cell phone because doing this gimmick in a time of payphones would have set me back a lot in coins (where the fuck do you even get coins from now?). As a child I did not focus in class and paid more attention to the writings forever engraved onto the desks at Read more...

Fuck it: Rice Ball Sports

Posted 9:17pm Sunday 4th May 2025 by Connor Moffat

Rice balls have always been a lunch staple on campus, and they’re just as versatile as they are iconic. Whether it’s a cheap sit down meal, a snack between lectures, or a surprise dinner after leaving one in your bag all day, rice balls can do it all. Or can they? In a never-before-seen Read more...

The True Cost of Ethical Consumption: A Trial R

Posted 10:17pm Sunday 27th April 2025 by Adam Stitely

Inspired by a rewatch of Food, Inc. (2009), the god-given right to shit on Nestlé, and an attempt to offset years of Fatty Lane-sponsored staff meals, Critic Te Ārohi spent five days living as an Ethical Consumer – cutting out anything even vaguely unethically sourced. Despite our Read more...

Locally Produced David Attenboroughs: A Guide

Posted 10:06pm Sunday 27th April 2025 by Jodie Evans

Looking for your next Attenborough fix but want something local? Check out the babies of Otago Science Communication grads and alumni. With a cheeky behind-the-scenes “brought to you by” to let you in on the highs and lows of bringing science to the people. If Nina’s editorial is a Read more...

ANIMALS?!?!?!? How to have pets as a student. Kind of.

Posted 9:14pm Sunday 27th April 2025 by Matilda Rumball-Smith

Kiwis own more pets per household than almost anyone else in the world, so it comes as a bit of a culture shock to leave that behind for studenthood. Many of us grew up with household pets who, unfortunately, remained in the household when we moved out. Without us realising, our final year of high Read more...

Life Lessons from my Dead Pet Snail

Posted 9:12pm Sunday 27th April 2025 by Lotto Ramsay

This is a story about one Snegma “Sneg” Ramsay (Snegory to my parents).  Once a snail fell from the sky and it taught me about love. “Fell from the sky” is a fanciful way of saying that I dropped him by mistake when I found him in my kitchen sink. I thought that he Read more...

Backyard Ecology: A Semi-Scientific Journey into the World of Moss

Posted 9:06pm Sunday 27th April 2025 by Isabella Simoni

Bryology: The study of mosses and liverworts Did you know that camels have three testicles? Well, if you did, you’d be wrong – and anyway, this article is about moss. That green stuff that grows on trees, rocks, and those trolls from Frozen. The stuff that goes unnoticed most of the Read more...

Flat Authoritarianism

Posted 11:43pm Sunday 13th April 2025 by Ellie Bennett

Flatting is a delicate balance of personalities, habits, and passive aggressiveness. For the first time, you get to experience life free from the watchful eye of parents or RAs – and that usually means 2-minute noodles for every second meal, putting off your washing to the last minute, and, Read more...

The Castle Street Baby

Posted 11:33pm Sunday 13th April 2025 by Matilda Rumball-Smith

CW: Violence  Critic Te Ārohi gave a (fake) baby to a five man Castle Street flat to take care of from Thursday to Sunday. There were only three rules:  Don’t lose the baby. You must bring the baby with you everywhere.  You must keep a diary of your adventures Read more...

The Great Cone Game

Posted 10:40pm Sunday 13th April 2025 by Connor Moffat

You may have heard of the Chicken Chase, a daring drinking game involving a horde of bros and baes drinking their way along the rainbow (pubs) to find the pot of gold (a mate dressed as a chicken in an undisclosed pub, drinking their way through a collective tab). Critic Te Ārohi played our own Read more...

Tell Us How You Really Feel: 100 Years of Hate Mail

Posted 10:25pm Sunday 6th April 2025 by Critic

Critic’s had haters in our inbox right from day dot. Within the first few issues in 1925 there were letters predicting Critic’s downfall. Now in our 100th year, let’s have a toast for the douchebags, assholes, scumbags and jerk-offs who’ve penned objectively hilarious and Read more...

Te Ārohi: A “Critic” in Name Only

Posted 10:05pm Sunday 6th April 2025 by Heeni Koero Te Rerenoa (Sky)

This piece was pitched as ‘100 years of Critic’s Māori coverage’. That would’ve been disingenuous. It’s not a centenary for all of us, because for most of that time, we weren’t here.  One hundred years of Critic, and only twenty-nine of Te Ārohi. Read more...

40 Ways Critic is the Worst Student Magazine in the World

Posted 9:40pm Sunday 6th April 2025 by Critic

40 Ways was Critic’s weekly listicle, popular in the early 2000s and maybe even the 1990s – the halcyon days when men were men, women were women, men were also women, women were also gender constructs, and introductory blurbs were worth reading. Critic is the school lunch programme Read more...

Opinion: Chlöe Swarbrick is still a politician

Posted 10:40pm Sunday 23rd March 2025 by Jordan Irvine

As a child, my parents were Labour voters and to me that seemed like the moral choice. John Key’s National government at the time did not have their best interests at heart as they prioritised wealth over wellbeing. New Zealand First, headed at the time by an old Winston Peters, appealed more Read more...

Which Academically Overwhelmed Rat Are You?

Posted 9:35pm Sunday 23rd March 2025 by Molly Smith-Soppet

1. You've rolled out of bed and stumbled to the kitchen. What are you having for the most important meal of the day? Porridge. It’s filling, homely, and makes you feel like one of the grandparents from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory It's pretty much lunch time, so may as Read more...

Tall Etiquette: Reaching new heights in allyship at concerts

Posted 9:30pm Sunday 23rd March 2025 by Jonathan McCabe

If you’ve attended Electric Ave, Six60 or one of the first few Pint Nights, you would have noticed some pretty appalling crowd etiquette. You don’t need to part a friend group like the Red Sea to get to the front. In a mosh situation, tall people must act very carefully. Sometimes you Read more...

Lecture Theatre Bingo

Posted 9:25pm Sunday 23rd March 2025 by Zoe Eckhoff

Lectures can be fucking boring. This could be because you’re doing a degree you hate, your lecturer has the worst voice in the world or says “um” too much. Or it could just be a ceebs that day. Critic Te Ārohi has now invented a solution for when you have run out of Cool Maths Read more...

$40, 14 Arcade Games, Weeded-Up

Posted 5:46pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Zoe Eckhoff

Dolphins get high off pufferfish and wallabies ransack opium from the poppy fields. So what did we do? We tapped into our innate animalistic tendencies and got high to play arcade games. Sober or no, the arcade is an iconic spot.  For the purposes of this article and accurate retelling, Read more...

Withdrawing from Yourself

Posted 4:58pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Jordan Irvine

Content warning: Mentions of suicidal thoughts I have been taking antidepressants for nearly five years now, and though they’re infamous for their side effects there is just one thing I can’t get over. Weirdly enough, I’ve made my peace with the weight gain, mood swings and Read more...

Weird Cones 2: Electric Bongaloo

Posted 4:52pm Sunday 16th March 2025 by Critic Staff

The idea of doing a sequel to one of our favourite articles ever, ‘I tried to rip bongs through household ingredients’, has been floating around the writers’ room for years now like a cloud of questionable smoke. The original included bongs of raw eggs, sardines, and instant Read more...

Reviewing Literal Shitholes: The Best Places to Shit on Campus

Posted 11:52pm Sunday 9th March 2025 by Gryffin Blockley

Stomach churning, palms sweating, panic creeping in. You’re sitting in a lecture, when suddenly *that* feeling hits. Guaranteed to get you down in the dumps for the rest of the day, it’s a fight that you know you can’t win: You have to take a shit on campus, outside the safety of Read more...

Whebruary Wrapped

Posted 11:47pm Sunday 9th March 2025 by Heeni Koero Te Rerenoa (Sky)

While the world recovers from New Year’s sluggishness, Māoridom hits the ground running – protesting, performing, protecting, and proving that mana Māori is as relentless as ever. For Māori, February isn’t just the second month of the year; it’s a battleground, Read more...

The Call of The Wild: A Bush Doof Epic

Posted 11:00pm Sunday 9th March 2025 by Ella Grayson

I had always heard of bush doofs, and honestly, it sounded like some proper hippy shit. But when my name spawned in a mysterious meta server promoting an addy-to-be-confirmed neck-of-the-woods DNB-electro-psych doof to end all doofs, I knew something temptingly chaotic was on the horizon. My native Read more...

We Snuck Into Toga Party as 4th and 5th Years and Had The Best Night of Our Lives

Posted 8:28pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Abby Wallace

At a certain point of your university life, you stop feeling like a student and start feeling like an anthropologist observing student behaviour in the wild. The only time you set foot on Castle Street is to cut through to the Botans. The only people you recognise in Central are the librarians. You Read more...

The Critic Pie Review

Posted 8:14pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Adam Stitely

The pie. It’s simple, it’s working class. Like L&P and DIY, it’s in our DNA, and just like pavlova, Aussies just don't do it the same. The pie is the go-to meal from any petrol station, dairy or else any other place the marginally cooked food gives you a 50-50 chance of Read more...

Breatha’s Got Talent

Posted 7:46pm Sunday 2nd March 2025 by Bianca Prujean

There’s hardly anything more alluring than a free box on a night out. But nothing worthwhile comes easy. To earn such a coveted prize, members of the crowd gathered on Castle and Howe for Frat Night at Feisty Goat would have to prove that their talents lay beyond sinking piss. And they’d Read more...

The Green Solo Alternative

Posted 8:31pm Sunday 23rd February 2025 by Zoe Eckhoff

The Dunedin slander is something I’ve grown used to as one of the few Otago Uni students actually from here. I’m used to the complaints from outsiders and locals about this city and its apparent lack of interesting activities outside of getting pissed on Castle Street. With such a strong Read more...

Fresher Checklist

Posted 6:53pm Sunday 23rd February 2025 by Stella Weston

Meet a minimum of nine aspiring DJs (they’re actually the real deal – they played at Carousel) Trek to Night n’ Day viciously hungover and wearing pajamas, purchase a steak and cheese pie and a purple Powerade, realise you can, in fact, be observed in this state  Beg a Read more...