Archive

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 14

Posted 2:07pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Poetry Corner | Leef

Posted 2:02pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Ariel Pons

autum is heer and leevs are brown once green on tree now they fal down   and so i see on path i tred in front of feets leevs gold and red   i like to step on leef with jump they make nice sound i lov the cronch   tho i tired and want of sleep i run in Read more...

Southern Gold Is the True Pride of the South

Posted 1:58pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Choo, Choo! It’s time to hop back on the steam train! After being gone from my beloved North Dunedin for two excruciating weeks, the only way to welcome my liver back to Dunners is with an entire tray of Southern Gold. It’s good old-fashioned fun that doesn’t require any of the Read more...

Sage Advice | The Open Road

Posted 1:54pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Mat Clarkson

“The open road still softly calls, like a nearly forgotten song of childhood.” – Carl Sagan   This week I have been in contact with a wise genius, possessed of mind I can scarcely comprehend. I have reached a point in my life where I will treasure any good advice I Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (July 10-16)

Posted 12:51pm Sunday 9th July 2017 by Critic

Welcome to semester two! I trust you all spent your holidays celebrating every special day despite this column’s absence. Without further ado, here’s what’s worth celebrating this week: Monday 10th July – International Town Criers Day & Don’t Step On A Bee Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 14

Posted 11:20am Sunday 9th July 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

 The ODT has spent the break deep in thought. The ODT is currently accepting submissions on the problem in the form of be-splattered tissues.   In other news, an isolated cabbage farmer struggled out of a nightmare in sheets lathered with sweat. “Oh no,” he Read more...

Editorial | The things we don’t talk about

Posted 10:29am Sunday 9th July 2017 by Lucy Hunter

Mel Ansell’s feature “Health Science: A Trial by Fire” is an expose on the pressure put on first year health-sci students and the effects the course can have on their mental health. The course needs to be difficult to make sure only the toughest, smartest people get through, but Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 13

Posted 2:19pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 13

Posted 2:12pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

This is a disease resulting from the bite of a rabid dog, or from its licking an abraded portion of the skin, the chief characteristics of which are severe constriction about the throat; spasmodic action of the diaphragm; a peculiar difficulty of swallowing and consequent dread of fluids; anxiety Read more...

The Hell Hole | Issue 13

Posted 2:06pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Fanny Clive-Trevor

Nicole had recovered from her attack. The deodorant, once rinsed from her eyes and throat, didn’t seem to have done permanent damage. Her vision had been blurry for a couple of days, and her breathing tight, but now she was ok. Ok, except that she could not get the smell out of her room Read more...

Mystery Object Hunt (May 29 - June 4)

Posted 2:01pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Critic

This week we welcome a chilly start to International Mud Month – with the rain we are having as I write this, I don’t doubt it will live up to its name.  Monday 29 May This must be my favourite day of the year: Put A Pillow On Your Fridge Day. Not only is it perfectly Read more...

Poetry Corner | Issue 13

Posted 1:54pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

His wispy fingers fiddle with his penis flicking, scraping, brushing, bursting into imaginary mates with a phantom orgasm.  He clambers around his simple platform and ropes. His enclosure is the kindergarten of children looking in. Their breath pearls the glass.  I question the Read more...

Vapourium Presents Science Tank | Issue 13

Posted 1:51pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Wee Doubt

By looking at a person’s hair you can make assumptions about their age, ethnicity, gender, occupation, political views, their taste in music, income, lifestyle, religion, health, and sexuality. All from something that makes you want to puke if you find it in your meal.  Hair matters. Read more...

Ethel & Hyde | Issue 13

Posted 1:43pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Student Support

Dear Ethel and Hyde I can see my breath in my room and all my clothes and bedding feel damp. I am ‘not allowed’ to use a heater because we all agreed to that at the start of the year. I’ve changed my mind, but don’t want to cause a fight. Please Read more...

Wild Buck is The Most Scullable Beer in The Country

Posted 1:40pm Sunday 28th May 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Wild Buck is beer from the good old days, when men were men, a spade was a spade, and it was possible to buy property in Auckland. There’s a genuine argument to be made that Wild Buck was specifically designed to be the most scullable beer in the country.  Understanding the brewing Read more...

David Clark | Issue 13

Posted 11:43am Sunday 28th May 2017 by David Clark

As a former Treasury analyst and someone with parents who have run their own businesses, I am sometimes asked how it came to pass that I stand with Labour. The answer is simple, but it requires a little unpacking. I believe in a shared prosperity. Everyone should share the benefits of a growing Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 13

Posted 11:28am Sunday 28th May 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

To start this week, the ODT has discovered someone with superhuman powers. Of course, personally I prefer CEOs who remain firmly in the past, or, better yet, just sit and stare into space with profundity, and maybe a little drool.   Next, some people have had a rather unfortunate Read more...

Editorial | Issue 13

Posted 10:21am Sunday 28th May 2017 by Lucy Hunter

I get into the odd conversation with someone about how illiterate our generation is becoming, because we don’t read novels and write letters anymore. And of course, about the destruction of grammar from the force that will surely end the world, text speak. Because it’s my job to fix Read more...

Vitalogy | Issue 12

Posted 2:39pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Prof's Wood & Ruddock

Gum-Boil (Abscessus Alveolaris) This is a small abscess commencing in the socket of a tooth and bursting through the gum or even through the cheek. A cold may excite inflammation of the covering of the teeth, the diseased products of which are thus discharged. It may burst in the mouth, or even Read more...

Cookin' Up Love | Issue 12

Posted 2:27pm Sunday 21st May 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Captain Cook Hotel, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email critic@critic.co.nz. But be warned--if you dine on the free food and dash without sending us a writeup, a Critic writer will Read more...