I am sitting at my desk at work, and I am thinking about a clip of British “girl band” Little Mix shoving marshmallows in each others' mouths for a fluffy bunny challenge. I am so tired and all I want to do is go home to watch that video and maybe cry a little bit watching women enjoying each others' company.
This week I’ve been putting my mind to the complicated but powerful relationship women in music have with one another. Little Mix, of course, aren’t by any means the only example that comes to mind when I think about relationships between women in music. There is no way for me to list all the relationships I admire in contemporary music, there are too many, but Little Mix are popular and cute and I have a crush on Leigh-Anne.
This week, my band is on tour with our Auckland friends Miss June, who we have just released a split seven inch with. While Miss June’s singer Annabel and I haven’t been shoving marshmallows in our faces we have been having some fruitful conversations about our position and experiences as women who play music in bands without other women, and with bands with and without other women.
Hopefully we have all read enough (or at least something) about how being a woman in music can be pretty shitty, I don’t think I need to rehash all that here. But it has come up between me and Annabel and the women we have been playing shows with on this tour that it’s not only hard to be a woman, but sometimes I find it hard to know how to be around other women. If, like me, you’ve been taught from age zero that other women are competition things get all skewed, you might sometimes feel like saying "hey, I’m the girl at this gig", or, "yeah, she’s not that great". Now instead of this act of violence against myself and against other women, I value my relationships with women, especially when I am working, almost above all others.
Working and creating with other women is one of the most powerful things you can do to help with how hard it is to be a woman in a band. You build and learn from one another’s experiences and you support and nurture one another so that you are no longer isolated by your gender or by your inherited prejudice. Of course, you’re not going to get along with everyone, or like everyone’s work, but it’s crucial for me to remember to never shove another woman under the bus just because I am intimidated by her; there are more than enough men willing to do that already.
We are by no means starved of women making incredible music and being astonishing role models, turn in any direction and you will find a woman pouring her heart and soul into her craft. If girls and women are looking for inspiration from women doing what they want to do or want to listen to there is no limit to what and whom they can find. But I think more than that, what is so important in creative communities is seeing women who are there for one another, women who talk openly and with great pride about the women around them, and women who engage with each other critically and compassionately. When I think about Little Mix playing silly games with marshmallows I am not just thinking about a big budget pop band singing love songs and wearing nice clothes, I am thinking about four women with an international platform showing each other friendship, love and encouragement. Personally I feel like that is something we can never see enough of, whatever form it takes.