Archive

The Peopleís Fids: An Emotional Interview with Sick Fids, Dunedinís Most Iconic Drug Dealer

Posted 12:41am Friday 13th September 2019 by Sinead Gill

Sick Fids is a Snapchat-based weed dealer, famous for his ‘nug hunts’, where he’d hide a gram or two around campus and leave clues for people to find. Critic sat down with him for an intimate interview about his childhood, his dealing, and his future.     If Read more...

The Great Critic Study Drug Review

Posted 12:16am Friday 13th September 2019 by Critic

Phenylpiracetam I was given this in an antique jar, as if it had come straight from the apothecary as opposed to out of some dude’s giant delivery from the dark web. Unsure of how to consume ‘racetam, I jumped online to find that snorting nootropics such as these wasn’t the way Read more...

The Great Critic Sleeping Pill Review

Posted 12:12am Friday 13th September 2019 by Asia Martusia

Sleeping is supposed to be the most basic of human activity, but for some reason one in four people really fucking suck at it. While a variety of scientists have dedicated time to helping us pass out, as a budding insomniac, how do you know what chemicals to shovel into your brain goo? Here’s Read more...

Be PrEPared

Posted 11:39pm Thursday 12th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

If you’ve cried while watching Rami Malek serenade the camera in Bohemian Rhapsody, then it goes without saying that you know how shit HIV is. In the ‘90s, treatment for HIV became available to help treat the virus, which although a lifetime obligation, was treatment nevertheless. But Read more...

Sexual Assault in OUSA Clubs: Creating a Safe Space For All?

Posted 12:39am Friday 6th September 2019 by Sinead Gill

Content warning: sexual violence     We all know that university is more than just a classroom. It’s about the skills you learn, the opportunities you take, and how much you get baked. For many students, OUSA clubs are where they make lifelong connections. But what if the Read more...

Critic Reviews North Dunedinís Milkshakes and Only Throws Up Once

Posted 12:37am Friday 6th September 2019 by Charlie OíMannin

All the milkshakes will be Spearmint because get the fuck off my back, Spearmint’s great. Your life has been exclusively missionary sex and Chocolate milkshakes, with Strawberry on special occasions. Branch out, give some meaning to your pointless bland existence; fuck doggy and drink Read more...

Sending Out an SOS: Understanding Basic Science is Mandatory if You Insist on Making Decisions that Affect the Environment

Posted 12:33am Friday 6th September 2019 by Grace Cowley

I don’t go out of my way to chat to climate change deniers. As a Marine Science student and environmentalist, little frustrates me more than the blatant disregard for decades of peer-reviewed scientific evidence (which speaks volumes about how much fun I am at parties). But the last place I Read more...

Waste Not, Want Not: The Abysmal Food Wastage in Our Halls

Posted 12:05am Friday 6th September 2019 by Caroline Moratti

A recent UoO Meaningful Confession claimed to be a kitchen worker at an unspecified college, and mourned having to throw out an outrageous amount of food: “Entire tray of rice? Bin. 15 legs of chicken? Bin. Tray of veggies, salad that has barely been touched, and oohh, that one time I had to Read more...

The Funny Bone of the Nation: A Chance Encounter With Comedian Tom Sainsbury

Posted 12:02am Friday 6th September 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

Unless you’ve been living in one of New Zealand’s proudest backwards communities (Gloriavale or Balclutha), you’ve probably enjoyed a good chortle courtesy of the country’s premier comedian du jour, Tom Sainsbury - Comedian and Snapchat Dude. Tom is an entertainment Read more...

Master of Memes

Posted 11:36pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

If you want to waste away hours of your life on prime time entertainment, look no further than the Otago University’s Department of Economics (DE) Facebook meme page. There are memes. There are awkward, blurry and sideways photos of people at functions. There are Minions. It goes where other Read more...

Get Fucked: The Great Critic Contraceptive Review

Posted 11:25pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Critic

As we all know, uni is a great time for experimenting with your junk, and the junk of other people. The best way to get your start in a career before ruining your life with kids is to use contraception religiously, so here are our thoughts on some of the more popular contraceptives out Read more...

Denying Them Data: Is it Possible to Function With No Footprint?

Posted 11:17pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Wyatt Ryder

In 2015, the Chinese Government allowed eight companies to establish a social credit system that would automatically rank citizens according to their data (presumably after binge watching Black Mirror). The blueprints for these plans claim that the goal is to “allow the trustworthy to roam Read more...

Close Encounters of the Bird Kind

Posted 11:15pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Critic

When Critic gets invited somewhere with the promise of free food and VIP treatment, it’s fuckin’ on. We gleefully headed out to the Otago Peninsula to see some albatross on a drizzly Saturday, which turned out to be a truly magical day of colonialism, petty theft, and cool bird Read more...

Big Hits 2: Critic Goes to Half a Leauge Football Game in Wellington

Posted 11:12pm Thursday 29th August 2019 by Oscar Francis

I arrived at Wakefield Park at five minutes to halftime. It was forty minutes past eight on a Thursday evening and I was running late for no good reason. Aside from me, there were two other spectators: Bryn and Tintin, both ex-Otago students. I mentioned I was writing an article for Critic to Read more...

Stitch Kitchen: a Local Solution to a Global Problem

Posted 10:53pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Nina Minogue

Fast fashion is an issue that is so big it sometimes feels hopeless. So much so that in first year after I watched a Netflix documentary called The True Cost I swore a silent oath that I wouldn’t buy any new clothing for a year. The good news is that there are lots of things you can do to Read more...

Otagoís Best Dressed Lecturers

Posted 10:48pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Phillip Plant

Critic tracked down the lecturers with the hottest threads and awkwardly got them to talk to us about what makes their style so fresh. As any postgrad knows, it's much better to sniff lecturers out and catch them by surprise in the real world - that way they don't have time to ghost your Read more...

The Fashion of the OUSA Executive

Posted 10:33pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Sinead Gill

The OUSA Exec is there to represent us as students, and a big part of that comes with how they present themselves to the general public. Clothes are the window to the soul, so what better way to get to know the Exec than by roasting their fashion sense. Critic cornered the Exec when they least Read more...

Harlene Hayne / Get The Look

Posted 10:31pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

“Regatta Chic Harlene” (pictured above) Harlene is here pictured pretending she cares about rowing by pouring a magnum of bubbly over a rowboat. Yes, that’s how you do the rowing, Harlene. Well done.  You win cox. Readers can get the look by purchasing black clothing Read more...

An Impulse Purchas

Posted 9:55pm Saturday 17th August 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Even if you haven’t heard of Sam Purchas, chances are you’ve seen him. When he’s not running unsuccessful campaigns for ACT MP of Dunedin North, he’s strutting around university in bright floral suits, polyester red coats, and paisley shirts. In a town full of Huffer surf Read more...

How to Judge a Goon by its Cover

Posted 6:06pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Fox Meyer

Over the last year I’ve recorded what animals are printed on the labels of 250 bottles of wine. I figured, “those expensive wines usually have something majestic like a deer or an eagle on them”. I wanted to figure out if expensive wines have certain animals on them, and if cheap Read more...

When Harmful Drinking is the Norm

Posted 6:00pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Chelle Fitzgerald

In late 2016, I decided to become one with wellness and stop drinking - I wanted to excel at uni, improve my health, and have more energy. I wasn’t some stereotypical rock-bottom drinker who had ruined relationships and career prospects by drinking, but the thought of a social situation Read more...

Dunnaz Inspired Cocktail Kiwiana (D.I.C.K.)

Posted 5:31pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Saskia Rushton-Green

Marmitini (pictured above) An iconic Kiwi cocktail, this should be on every local up and coming mixologist’s list of drinks to master. Ingredients: 150mL Seager’s Lime Twisted gin 24mL dry Vermouth 1 generous drop of Marmite To garnish: Marmite toast Read more...

The Great Critic Pub Crawl

Posted 5:12pm Sunday 11th August 2019 by Sinkpiss Plath

My loves, I am writing this to you from a pit of deep despair: my bathroom floor. I’ve been here for what feels like hours. It’s the early morning and I can see the sun rise if I position my head at a three quarter angle over the toilet bowl. It’s a beautiful day. I wrench the last Read more...

Nightmare Lives of RAs 2: The Revenge

Posted 8:33pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Caroline Moratti

*Zoe is a Residential Assistants (RA) at a hall of residence owned by the University of Otago. This year, Zoe works at an hourly rate of $17.70, which is minimum wage, for 34 hours a fortnight. Her take-home pay per fortnight is $564, while her hall of residence rent is $690, leaving her with a Read more...

Stripping for Monet

Posted 8:31pm Sunday 4th August 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Like any woman, it’s fair to say I have a complicated relationship with my body. By complicated, I mean a lifelong obsession and torment, and by relationship, I mean the kind where you get left on "seen" by your Tinder date and still tell your friends that it was a Read more...

This One Time When I Was Munted...

Posted 10:03am Monday 29th July 2019 by Natasha Parrant

North Dunedin is recognised as a city that goes quite hard – a reputation that has been earned year after year. Sure, not everyone drinks, but a lot of students get amongst it.. Whether its O-Week, Re-O, Hyde, St Patrick’s, Agnew, Courtchella, Backpacker’s Ball, the Manor, your Read more...

Swipe for Smack

Posted 1:01am Friday 26th July 2019 by Caroline Moratti

Drugs. Most people dabble in these illicit substances at some point, whether out of curiosity, thrill-seeking, peer pressure, or my personal favourite, questionable coping methods. That’s showbiz, baby. But the days of buying drugs from some affable Seth Rogen-type in a dodgy alleyway are Read more...

Literotica

Posted 6:12pm Thursday 25th July 2019 by Erin Gourley

My journey into the most sexually tense space on campus (the Science Library) begins with a catalogue search. Peering self-consciously around me, I wait until the coast was clear before typing “sex” into the library search computer on the third floor and then I dive into the Library of Read more...

Critic Dart Review

Posted 12:23am Friday 19th July 2019 by The Marlbros

Darts. Duzzas. Jesus Sticks. People seem to get strangely sheepish when discussing smoking. Most of us have tried it at some point, but whether or not you’re a fiend for the darts is up for your mum to decide when she smells cigarette smoke on your clothes. There is stigma around smoking, Read more...

Does Budget Dog Food Taste Worse Than Expensive Dog Food: A Critic Investigation

Posted 11:24pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by Saskia Rushton-Green

Dog food packaging is designed to target your pet through you. Buddy doesn’t care about buzz words like ‘succulent’ and ‘delicate’, he just wants a good feed. Ignoring how cancerous the ingredients probably are, Critic investigated the difference in appearance, aroma, Read more...

Critic Reviews the Local Dumpling Joints

Posted 10:22pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by Nina Minogue

The Dumpling Lady aka The Artist Formerly Known As Rising Sun Despite the heavy coverage in this year’s Critic, we are not actually sponsored by DL/TAFKARS, although we wish we were. This is a cheap and cheerful food truck on campus whose success can largely be attributed to the delightful Read more...

Window Shopping

Posted 10:18pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by Phillip Plant

Harry loves Sally, Oprah loves bread, and I love windows. There’s something quite special about staring sombrely out of a window, pretending you’re in some kind of indie movie where you say you hate your parents, but you secretly love them, and you can’t wait to lose your Read more...

The Best Bathrooms to Have Sex in on Campus

Posted 10:10pm Thursday 18th July 2019 by The University of Hoe-tago

Mum, if you’re reading this: I’m so sorry. University is a cesspit of horny motherfuckers. I mean, have you ever been to pint night? Everyone seems to be trying to book the first flight to pound town, but there aren’t many spaces for you to get your freak on around campus. Read more...

Out Standing in His Field

Posted 5:56pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Phillip Plant

60,000,000 tonnes of beef is eaten worldwide every year. So that settled it. I would have to become a cow. I watched a thrilling documentary called “How to be a Cow” and it was without a doubt the most significant and life-changing 60 seconds of my entire life. From this video, I Read more...

Rory And His Forest Garden

Posted 5:55pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Oscar Francis

On the North End of George Street, in an orange brick house bedecked with vines and separated from the street by a row of feijoa bushes, lives Rory and his forest garden. The George Street Orchard has been ex-Otago student Rory’s pet project for the past ten years. He invites me to try a Read more...

Kaka Vs. Kea: Dunedin Botanic Gardens Edition

Posted 5:53pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Oscar Francis

There are three, and only three, reasons that a student might visit this fair city’s botanic gardens. Firstly, drinking in a tree in an attempt to mimic an introduced marsupial. Secondly, trashing the fountains in the Mediterranean Garden by partying on the eve of a national tragedy. The third Read more...

When Opportunity Knocks

Posted 5:50pm Thursday 11th July 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters

A small town gal in the big city exercises her gosh-darn given right to hunt for bargains on the mean streets of Dunedin, while giving the lowdown on what’s good, what’s bad and what’s ugly.   Orphan’s Aid Op Shop Quiet and small-ish, on the far side of the Read more...

Busting Dunedinís Myths

Posted 11:30pm Thursday 4th July 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters

Dunedin. It seems that there is always some kind of local lore or big claim being made about this humble little city, usually by wheezing older men at the pub, or by drunk postgrads who believe that four years of living here has made them sheriffs of this here town. Sick of blindly believing the Read more...

Life After Health Sci

Posted 11:24pm Thursday 4th July 2019 by Esme Hall

It was August 2017 and Nick was getting med-worthy grades in Health Sciences First Year (HSFY). But he was not loving life. “I got quite anxious and didn’t feel confident in myself and my abilities. I started thinking I wouldn’t be a good doctor,” he said. Stress turned to Read more...

A Satanic Setup

Posted 6:27pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Owen Clarke

“The night is dark, and full of terrors,” whispers Leroy. “Fuck off, Leroy,” you respond. “I’m tired of hearing about that Game of Thrones bullshit.” Your group of friends crosses the field, dark clouds massing above, blocking out the stars and Read more...

A Herbal Hellscape

Posted 6:17pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Owen Clarke

It’s common knowledge that humans don’t know everything. We might have figured out how to make handheld phones with cameras so that we can take pictures of our junk and send them to people on the other side of the world, but there’s a lot we still don’t know. This is Read more...

Cultivate Me

Posted 6:12pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Phillip Plant

Like many people, I have struggled to discover my place in the world. One day some friends were discussing the Manson murders, which provoked an epiphany. I would indeed find my place … in a cult. I immediately set about attempting to join a cult which is defined following Read more...

Taking It To The Grave

Posted 6:08pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Sophia Carter Peters

Southern Cemetery: Dunedin’s first major cemetery opened in 1858, and you can see the wear in the headstones. Perched atop a hill overlooking the large flat basin that makes up most of the town centre, the dearly departed have a lovely sweeping view of the city they died in. With five main Read more...

How I Became the Most Powerful Male Wiccan in North Dunedin

Posted 6:06pm Thursday 23rd May 2019 by Charlie OíMannin

In the depths of time before the world came into being (2001), in a dark and distant land (the American Midwest), a book was made. This book was called “Wicca Spellcraft for Men” and I bought a copy of it from a library sale for a single smackeroo. After all, I was a man, and I was Read more...

I Went To A Menís Rights Summit And They Tried To Recruit Me

Posted 11:39pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Oscar Francis

Why would anyone go to a men’s summit, in an age of online self help videos and feminism, let alone bother to host one? Critic decided it would be fun to try and find out what happens at these meetings, but as it turns out there was very little fun to be had. What follows is the gruelling true Read more...

I Sat in the Library and Reviewed Some Textbooks for Fun on a Friday Night

Posted 10:50pm Thursday 16th May 2019 by Owen Clarke

There’s not a whole lot of positive shit I can say about academic textbooks. They’re heavy, boring, and smell like an old folks home. That said, I did enjoy wanking to page 44 of our Biology textbook back in Year 7 and Year 8, and maybe a few times in Year 9. Aside from that, and the Read more...

To Catch a Predator: Leaving Stuff Unattended in Various Libraries

Posted 9:11pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by James Joblin

Friends, the festivities of exam season are almost upon us and at this time we should give thanks for how blessed we are with our University. Believe it or not, some people will never get to live the classic Otago experience of watching a couch aflame with a mate’s shoe in one hand, a can Read more...

Too Much of a Good Thing: Why Students Get Breast Reductions

Posted 9:05pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by Erin Gourley

“I found my old bra the other day and I could put it over my face. Each boob was bigger than my head,” Dominique told me. She had a breast reduction when she was 17. "It was the best thing I ever did." Big boobs are seen as an attractive feature, like having long legs or Read more...

Big Hits: Critic Tackles Super Rugby

Posted 9:00pm Thursday 9th May 2019 by Oscar Francis

Fucking bagpipes. We walk past an ominous circle of tartan, practising on the tarmac like something out of Children of Men. “Jump in,” Amber the contracted PR person for the fast food restaurant says. Okay. We hop on the back of a modified golf buggy shaped like a chicken bucket. It Read more...

The Great Critic Hall Food Review

Posted 7:52pm Thursday 2nd May 2019 by Critic

Over the past few weeks Critic has been sneaking into halls to review their food. We are fully aware that you can just buy meals at most of the halls, but our lives were getting dull and we needed some adrenaline to make us feel alive again. Also the Critic budget has been exhausted of late by Read more...


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