Archive

Scamming the Spammers: The Friends, Money, and Contracts I Made While Replying to Spam Emails

Posted 2:18pm Sunday 10th October 2021 by Erin Gourley

For months, Mr Manuel Franco has been emailing me from different accounts, telling me I’ve won three million USD in the email address lottery. I get one email a day from him from various different email accounts. It always goes straight to my spam folder. I started replying to my spam Read more...

Slice of Heaven? Your summer guide to the shit towns of Otago and South Canterbury

Posted 9:33am Sunday 10th October 2021 by Annabelle Vaughan

Shit towns are the pride of our nation. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the concept of a “shit town”, it’s a town where literally everything is shit. But visiting a shit town is a cultural experience to find out how the other half live, so it’s a must Read more...

Why Arenít We There Yet? Understanding Barriers to Getting Aotearoa Vaccinated

Posted 9:17am Sunday 10th October 2021 by Elliot Weir

The government is putting on the pressure for New Zealanders to get vaccinated. But many people are not vaccinated yet. The reason why is a mix of policy, inequality, and misinformation from friends, family and far-right conspiracy theorists. Up until recently, we’ve enjoyed relative Read more...

You Gotta Cheat It to Win It: Is trivial cheating slowly killing pub quizzes?

Posted 12:06am Saturday 2nd October 2021 by Sean Gourley

Pub quizzes are one of the more wholesome sides of student drinking culture. With pubs back open in Level 2, there’s nothing like testing your knowledge and your friendships by battling other teams for a bar tab or some Speights tees. However, in recent years cheating has reportedly become Read more...

Housing is Hell: Are we ever going to get to own houses?

Posted 12:04am Saturday 2nd October 2021 by Oscar Francis

“Don’t wait, just go,” is Bernard Hickey’s advice to students who want the security of owning their own home. Bernard is an economist. He is perhaps even more pessimistic about the prospects of home ownership for young generations than the doomers themselves. If you Read more...

Kmart Dunedin ó Lost Legacy or Waste of Space?

Posted 12:02am Saturday 2nd October 2021 by Denzel Chung

It used to be a rite of passage for students in the new year: the big flat furnishing shop at Kmart in Meridian Mall. Lines of students would hike piles of everything from duvets to dish racks to toasters and toilet roll holders down George Street. Cars overflowing with pillows and vacuum cleaners Read more...

The Great Critic Pizza Review

Posted 3:13pm Sunday 26th September 2021 by Critic

It’s about time that Critic did a pizza review. But how could we possibly judge the multitude of flavours, styles, and techniques that can be found in pizza? How can we best capture the rich tapestry of gastronomical history that pizza represents? These are all questions that we mulled over Read more...

The Kiwi Who Admins an International Bestiality Group

Posted 3:10pm Sunday 26th September 2021 by Asia Martusia King

Content warning: Graphic descriptions of bestiality. Jessica* is my new friend. She loves cooking, podcasts, gaming, and dogs. Here’s the caveat: She really loves dogs. She admins an online international bestiality server of 11,000 people, united by their desire to fuck Read more...

International Students: Far From Home

Posted 3:02pm Sunday 26th September 2021 by Keegan Wells

While it’s been a rough couple of years for all of us, international students, or as the University probably refers to them, ‘our largest source of income’, have had a particularly tough pandemic. Otago Uni reports that out of the 20,700 students in 2020, international students Read more...

The Ultimate Guide to a Dunedin Summer Body

Posted 2:00pm Monday 20th September 2021 by Sean Gourley

Spring in Dunedin has arrived. It is the time of the year to drag our pasty bodies and damaged livers back from the brink of collapse and get them ready for the joys of the summer season. With Unipol restricted and many sports winding up, it can be a struggle to find a routine in these uncertain Read more...

Post-glad or Post-sad? What postgrads wish they knew before starting

Posted 1:58pm Monday 20th September 2021 by Susana Jones

It’s the second half of semester two and the countdown to graduation for some of you undergrads is well and truly on. You might be thinking, what comes after graduation? Will you go straight into the workforce and hustle your way up capitalist ladders? Maybe you’ll make some serious bank Read more...

Behind the Counter: Employment Law Breaches, Bullying, and Sexual Harassment in Uni Hall Kitchens

Posted 1:56pm Monday 20th September 2021 by Elliot Weir

CW: sexual harassment, homophobia, sexism, and racism. Kitchen staff are a key part of the first-year experience in residential colleges. They dish up mashed potatoes and chicken cordon bleu for hundreds of already-drunk freshers on a Thursday night, and take their dishes from them afterwards. Read more...

Kūmara: How One Word Crossed the Pacific

Posted 3:02pm Sunday 12th September 2021 by Karamea Pēwhairangi, Te Āwhina Pounamu Waikaramihi, and Fox Meyer

About 1,000 years ago, a Polynesian navigator made a historic trade. Goods from the Pacific were exchanged for a stubby, brownish root vegetable from the foothills of Peru. There, on a presumably sunny day on the South American coast, kūmara was introduced to Polynesia. It’s called Read more...

Te Reo Māori: Tōku Hononga Ki Te Whaiao, Ki Te Ao Marama

Posted 1:43am Saturday 11th September 2021 by Madison Chambers-Coll

Kei āku whetū, kei āku manu taki, kei āku hunga tiaki, ko koutou ngā pou, ngā kaitohutohu o tōku ao. Kei āku toka tū i te moana, tē mutu te aroha i a koutou rā. Nei rā āku mihi. Ko te reo Māori, koinei te reo e Read more...

The Epidemic of Virus Video Games

Posted 1:38am Saturday 11th September 2021 by Asia Martusia King

Video games are a lovely form of escapism. You can forget about the worldwide pandemic and disappear into a virtual world for a few hours, before waking up pizza-stained and bleary-eyed in your mum’s basement again. It’s an odd phenomenon, in that sense, to see how pandemic-themed Read more...

Lockdown Leisure: Games to Play During Lockdown

Posted 3:17pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Runze Liu

By Runze Liu, Citizen of The Island of Club Penguin, Member of the Club Penguin Elite Penguin Force (EPFM), Fellow of the Royal Club Penguin College of Tour Guiding (FRCPCTG), Club Penguin First Party List Member of The Club Penguin Parliament (MP) based in Iceberg South, Club Penguin First Party Read more...

Do You Believe in Love After Lockdown?

Posted 3:12pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Asia Martusia King

The pandemic has had its moments. Other than the hallowed launch of Pokémon Go in 2016, I’ve never experienced such a sense of community before — which is odd considering we aren’t allowed to physically hang out. A lot of us formed socially distanced friendships with Read more...

Tales from the Road: A Hitch-Hikerís Guide to Hitch-Hiking

Posted 3:09pm Sunday 5th September 2021 by Callum Finn Reason

Hitchhiking is a noble art. To immerse myself in the hitchhiking spirit — putting Jack Kerouac’s dilapidated shoes on my feet and Arthur Dent’s soggy towel round my waist — a friend and I took to the South Island roads with our heads held high and our thumbs turgid. Our Read more...

Liminal Spaces of Dunedin

Posted 3:13pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Sophia Carter Peters

I have lived in Dunedin for long enough to be bored by Castle Street (AKA more than one year), and in that time, I’ve realized this town has some weird-ass buildings. Anyone who has set foot inside Archway Lecture theatres knows what I mean. Why are there so many entrances, but so few Read more...

Bygone Gays: A Queer History of Otago University

Posted 3:11pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Asia Martusia King

CW: Homophobia. Students were a “driving generation” in queer liberation, says Chris Brickell, Professor of Gender Studies and LGBT historian. Otago University was no exception. Here’s an abridged history of our forebears and Read more...

Is Noise Control Out of Control?

Posted 3:08pm Sunday 22nd August 2021 by Sean Gourley

Picture this: you’re in your third year of uni. It’s the end of February and you’re fizzing for a year of 21sts, grad celebrations and general piss ups. You move into your new flat on George Street, with an outdoor area perfectly suited for gigs. For pres on your first night you Read more...

Spotlight on Student Artists

Posted 1:46pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Erin Gourley

Untitled by Dave’s Flat Dave’s Flat are the elusive artist behind last week’s centrefold in Critic. Like Banksy, they do not want their identity to be widely known. The work is as mysterious as its creators; an egg in an eggcup, with the word ‘Dave’ written Read more...

The Art of Opshopping: How to buy less and buy better

Posted 1:43pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Molly Willis

Why buy new? was the motto in our house when I was growing up.  Whether it was inheriting my cousin’s old pair of ski pants, a bag of clothing from that lady at mum’s work’s eldest daughter, or Sunday shopping for vintage homeware at the Crow’s Nest (the best junk shop Read more...

Top Ten Paintings Iíd Like to be Trapped Inside at the Dunedin Public Art Gallery

Posted 1:39pm Monday 16th August 2021 by Asia Martusia King

If you can’t jump into paintings, that’s embarrassing for you. I do it all the time. One day, my hubris will get the better of me and I will be trapped in one forever. If I get to choose which painting that is, it’ll be one of these. I’ve excluded any landscape paintings of Read more...

Dunedinís Best Late Night Kebabs

Posted 1:42am Monday 9th August 2021 by Assorted Critic Staff

Late-night kebab missions are a hallmark of Dunedin culture. And while there are about a dozen places to order a kebab, only a handful may be open for you as you stumble home from town. Heck, not even all of these make the cut, but they were the ones our staff were most familiar with. We ordered all Read more...

Fascism 2.0: Lessons from six months in New Zealandís largest white supremacist group

Posted 12:52am Monday 9th August 2021 by Elliot Weir

A note on aliases: Members of Action Zealandia use aliases to obscure their identities, even from other group members. In the article aliases are signalled by the use of single quote marks the first time a name is mentioned, e.g. ‘Marc’.  Read the companion news article Read more...

Judging a Book by Its Cover: What Does Your Search History Say About You?

Posted 10:50pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Fox Meyer

Critic collected eight stranger’s search histories and psychoanalyzed them, using an expert Geology student, to predict who searched for what. Then we checked the correct answers. Here’s how we did: (Our speculation in regular font, correct answers in bold) Looks like this Read more...

Campus Smackdown: Rating The Best Places on Campus to Throw Hands

Posted 4:13pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Runze Liu

Do you live in a society that places unhealthy and unrealistic expectations of masculinity upon you? Are you torn between the increasing pressure to be emotionally articulate and in touch with your feelings, in a context where men are only valued for their achievements and ability to assert Read more...

How an Otago Study Is Enabling Transphobia in Media and Sports

Posted 4:04pm Sunday 1st August 2021 by Elliot Weir

The following article contains the author's opinion. We rely on science to separate fact from fiction when it comes to contentious issues, but it can be politicised by groups to spread fear and misinformation. A 2019 publication by researchers from Otago has been used in exactly Read more...

Sexual Awakenings and The On-Screen Characters That Inspired Them

Posted 5:25pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Fox Meyer

Embarrassing to some, enlightening to many, the moment of sexual awakening is an almost universal experience. For many of us, our first crush was from a show or a film, and often defied logic in every way. Some people were turned on by turtles. Some by women old enough to be their mum. Critic Read more...

The Wack, The Cringe, and The Wholesome: Your best and worst Tinder stories, compiled

Posted 5:19pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Critic

From a big bowl of minestrone to two cases of tonsillitis, Critic Te Arohi has collated the wackiest, cringiest, and most wholesome stories from Otago students on dating apps for your enjoyment. Let’s be honest though. More often than not stories we hear from these apps, and dating in general, Read more...

Take My Breath Away: The normalisation of choking during sex

Posted 5:01pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Erin Gourley

Marie’s* boyfriend didn’t ask before choking her during sex. She was 18 at the time. “Looking back that was a red flag,” she said. “At the time I went along with it and he kept doing it [whenever they had sex] so I thought, huh, this must be normal. I didn’t Read more...

Decensoring Sex Work

Posted 4:32pm Sunday 25th July 2021 by Asia Martusia King

Content warning: Sexual violence. Vixen Temple should terrify you. She is an unstoppable force. She’s a performance artist, an activist, a writer, a podcaster, a sex worker, and a self-proclaimed Satanic sex witch. She’s single-handedly founded an online community for sex workers and Read more...

The Critic Te Arohi Census 2021: who are Otago students, really?

Posted 5:19pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Elliot Weir

Out of interest, curiosity, and an effort to understand our audience and the wider student body, Critic Te Arohi conducted a survey over the mid-semester break, asking 50 questions that covered a wide range of topics from academics to politics to demographics to drugs. 439 people completed the Read more...

Breathaís Fables

Posted 4:11pm Sunday 18th July 2021 by Erin Gourley

Breatha was a storyteller thousands of years ago. Not much is known about their life, aside from the fact that they were the first homo sapien to burn a piece of lounge furniture while intoxicated. All we have left today are their stories, which historians believe were usually told around a burning Read more...

Somethingís Amish: I became Amish to see whether it is possible for Amish people to study at Otago

Posted 1:15pm Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Asia Martusia King

I have always admired the Amish. When I made bread in lockdown, it ignited a pastoral flame within my loins. I began to dream of sheep and buggies, of giant beards and shucking corn. With these scenes of a simple life in mind, I decided to try following the Ordnung — the set of rules for Amish Read more...

Booze Tycoons: The Otago students who started their own RTD companies

Posted 12:49pm Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Denzel Chung

Gone are the days when chugging back an RTD meant looking like a 14-year-old aching for a scrap at a Palmerston North skatepark. Ye olde Codys and Cruisers have been well and truly swept away by a tidal wave of new, hip, and rather tasty competitors.  It is only right that Otago students Read more...

How to Home Alone Your Flat: Prevent burglars with these tips from a psychopathic kid

Posted 11:18am Tuesday 13th July 2021 by Sean Gourley

Flat break-ins in North Dunedin are almost more common than chlamydia. Insurance is expensive and when landlords don’t pay for basic kitchen repairs, they sure as shit aren’t going to pay for any decent home security system. So what can you do to prevent burglars taking your most prized Read more...

The Royal Treatment

Posted 1:33am Monday 31st May 2021 by Elliot Weir

Critic Te Arohi offered to treat two lucky flats like the British Royal Family. Instead of providing them with billions in inherited wealth and a sense of ownership over entire countries, we followed them like paparazzi for a few days and made wild and problematically intrusive speculations about Read more...

The Ultimate Guide to Looking Sexy, Gorgeous and Totally Wig in your ID Photo

Posted 6:26pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by The Critic Te Arohi Fab Fashion Team

Ew. Honey, you are so un-fleek right now. How do you get into Unipol looking like that? No, don’t answer. Of course you don’t go to Unipol. Your ID photo is in shambles. Don’t fret, though — we’ll turn you from “naasss queen” into “yaaasss Read more...

ďOur Marriage Was A Sham!Ē: BOMBSHELL interview reveals SHOCKING details of Bill and Billís messy divorce

Posted 5:24pm Sunday 30th May 2021 by Elliot Weir

The Bills have divorced, Critic Te Arohi can reveal. When first contacted for comment, Bill insisted the divorce was amicable, but a later interview shows that the truth is far more complicated. We sat both ducks down for an exclusive tell-all interview. Shit hit the fan, and the truth finally came Read more...

The Alpha Uterus: Is Period Syncing Real?

Posted 10:58pm Sunday 23rd May 2021 by Asia Martusia King

The Alpha Uterus. A uterus so formidable, brimming with such sheer hormonal force that it annexes the uteri around it, pulling them into orbit and causing them to sync up. Does such a legendary power really exist? Period syncing is based on the idea that when a bunch of menstruating folk live Read more...

There Will Be Blood: The good, the bad, and the messy of period sex

Posted 9:04pm Sunday 23rd May 2021 by Erin Gourley

Most humans swap a lot of bodily fluids to show that we’re attracted to each other, but for some reason we don’t put period blood in that category. There’s a longstanding belief that periods are unclean or gross, with no evidence to back that up. And contrary to what a lot of Read more...

The Pill: The untold truth about the most common form of contraception

Posted 8:47pm Sunday 23rd May 2021 by Annabelle Vaughan

Anxiety, depression, migraines, nausea and weight gain are just a few of the side effects which your body is susceptible to on the oral contraceptive pill. Colloquially known as the pill, the oral contraceptive is one of the most commonly prescribed forms of birth control. It can be used for a range Read more...

Dunedin Pint Review

Posted 4:21pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Chug Norris

In recent years many of Dunedin’s most treasured and iconic pubs, such as Gardies and Monkey Bar have closed up shop. In wake of this, I decided to visit five popular Dunedin pubs to assess the quality of their pints.    The Method The perfect pint is a magical and elusive Read more...

Halloumi Hunt: The Best Halloumi Bagels in Dunedin

Posted 4:18pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Fox Meyer

If you’ve ever met a vegetarian you’ve heard about halloumi. It’s a thick, grillable cheese that you imagine fairies using as a trampoline. The popularity of halloumi, along with Dunedin’s inexplicably thriving bagel scene has provided us with several variants of the halloumi Read more...

Delectable Specimens: The tastiest creatures in Otago Museumís nature galleries

Posted 4:15pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Denzel Chung

For most children, a trip to the aquarium was a source of wide-eyed wonder. Great shoals of fish swarming left and right, majestic ocean creatures dancing a delicate underwater ballet despite being the size of a large car, the brightness and vibrancy of swaying sea plants.  I was not one of Read more...

The Lost Generation of ADHD: The women and non-binary people who missed being diagnosed as children

Posted 4:12pm Sunday 16th May 2021 by Asia Martusia King

Esmerelda* was 36 when she was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. She isn’t the zoomy young boy most people associate with ADHD, a stereotype that leads to countless young girls and non-binary children going undiagnosed. These children grow up battling with their own Read more...

#NoFap: Why some guys refuse to do the five finger shuffle

Posted 3:28pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Sean Gourley

Masturbating, fapping, wanking, marching the penguin, or making the bald man cry. Palm Sunday is a ritual for many a dusty Dunedin dude.  Most people don’t notice any negative consequences beyond the occasional wave of soul-crushing shame. But no-fappers believe masturbation creates Read more...

Nuclear Expeditions and Communist Plots: Inside the Secret Government Hunt for Uranium in Fiordland

Posted 3:25pm Sunday 9th May 2021 by Elliot Weir

There was a secret government expedition to Fiordland in 1944 to search for uranium for nuclear weaponry. I went down a rabbit-hole of archives, obituaries, and letters that took me from Fiordland, to Nigeria, to Norway — to find answers to the questions I had.  I was reading an Read more...


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