Science Tank | RIP Cassini

Posted 2:33pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Chelle Fitzgerald

A planet named after the Roman god of time, renewal and liberation seems a fitting final resting place for our lovely friend Cassini-Huygens, whose life was spent furthering astronomical knowledge and the liberation of truth from a far-flung part of our small star system in this abyssal ocean of Read more...

ODT Watch | Issue 24

Posted 11:16am Sunday 24th September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Good morning, ODT. That’s lovely ODT. Well done.   This week the ODT has decided to start a column on how hard different South Island towns are. Next week, Greymouth goes the gym, drinks whatever alcohol Swilliam is reviewing, and then beats someone Read more...

Clark V. Woodhouse | Student allowances and living costs

Posted 11:31am Sunday 24th September 2017 by David Clark

Michael Woodhouse National is committed to supporting students with the costs associated with tertiary study. A tertiary education is a major investment, not just for you as students, but for New Zealand as a country. New Zealand has one of the most generous student support systems in the Read more...

Inventions Out of Time | Issue 24

Posted 12:49pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

Penicillin (1/5)  Helps people live longer and prolong the misery of existence. Also, misleadingly does not contain pencils.   Sex (1.5/5) Too much tiring effort.   The Wheel (3.5/5) Rolls pretty well. Not much use for other things.   Boats Read more...

Poetry Corner | Woooajhhhaohahahapahaahshoooahhh

Posted 2:05pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Brennan Gale

This is the time to strike, the time for us to be reborn, a native imbalance, restoring the faith of our past. Once again, we've failed, failed to reinvigorate our retinas, failed to reach the desired result. We were once great, now we're shredded, dreaded, beheaded. Thoughtless opinions, Read more...

The Hell Hole | Worm

Posted 2:09pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Anon

There was a tiny dot on the end of my nose; a single pore with a pinprick of yellow gunk. I scratched it, then, when it didn’t move, I squeezed it. A tiny tiny worm arced out and plonked its weeny yellow head onto the skin on my nose. A teeny pore-worm. Nice. The worm was wriggling. It Read more...

Lucky in Love | Etad & Dnilb

Posted 2:15pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Lovebirds

Each week, we lure two singletons to The Bog Irish Bar, give them food and drink, then wait for their reports to arrive in our inbox. If this sounds like you, email: critic@critic.co.nz   ETAD Across the road from the bog I stood like a dear in the headlights. I’m not one to Read more...

Hapsburg Absinthe is a Freight Train to A & E

Posted 2:28pm Sunday 24th September 2017 by Swilliam Shakesbeer

Hapsburg Absinthe is a fucking crisis in a bottle. It makes Hurricane Irma look like a gentle breeze. Absinthe burns like the spray I get from the cricket club’s 4th XI opening bowler when I drop a sitter at mid-on. Absinthe is the end of the road, binge drinking’s natural finale. Read more...

ODT Watch | Wedding Edition

Posted 11:29am Sunday 17th September 2017 by Charlie O’Mannin

This week we journey hand-in-hand into the wonder that is the ODT Wedding Guide. Hell, yes!   No matter what you do, do NOT let any women speak at your wedding They’ll only gossip, nag, and tell everybody that they don’t want to be there and are being sold by Read more...

Editorial | Critic’s View on the General Election: Labour Is the Option For Us

Posted 10:23am Sunday 17th September 2017 by Critic

Disclaimer: This endorsement is the view of Critic Magazine and was in no way solicited by the Labour Party or any person affiliated with it. It represents the editorial views of the magazine and no one else. At the outset of this editorial, we admit that endorsements of political parties are an Read more...

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